borealis

Hey guys, I'm a 29 yo male and have been in a relationship with my GF for almost 5 years now. She is also my first GF and the first woman I ever had sex with. I really love her, however, I am starting to panic to the fact that she is extremely vanilla while I am kinky and have strong desires to try different things. We are both very shy when it comes to sex, and we haven't discussed much about our sexual preferences and needs. I am so shy that I have trouble initiating sex and I know it disappoints her. However, the reason why I am having trouble initiating sex, is because I know she is extremely vanilla and I am scared she might not be into the way I am doing things and I am scared of being rejected. We were able to deal with all of this up until a discussion we had two days ago when we were a bit drunk... Basically, I was telling her how much I liked to go down on her and should do it more often. While she agreed, she said she was not in the mood all the time for it and that sometimes, she just doesn't feel like it. Talking about it more, she admitted to me that she does not feel good when I go down on her after I have been inside her. I asked her why, but she couldn't tell me. All she said is that "she doesn't feel good about it" and that's all there was to it. This was a HUGE turn off for me because I like to go down on her whenever I feel like it... I don't want her to be grossed by it because I was inside her first. But this ain't the only thing... Here's a quick summary: -Does not want to go down on me if i've been inside her -> huge turn on for me and I absolutely crave it -Does not want my finger anywhere near her anus -> i'm a huge anal fan and absolutely want to try it or at least have a finger inside her -Looks grossed out by sperm when she wipes it off her, or when I am coming from a blowjob, she kinds of try to avoid it from touching her -> huge turn off for me and my orgasm is screwed -I want to eat her out after cumming inside her, but she is grossed out by sperm and me going down on her if i've been inside her... So I should totally forget about it. This has left me very frustrated and I am now panicking that we are maybe sexually incompatible. We love each other a lot and we bought a house together, we have projects. But because of all of this, I am wondering more and more what it would be like to have sex with other woman. Remember that she is my first girlfriend.... I don't know what to think and what to do anymore... I was thinking of opening up to her more about my fantasies (I got BUNCH of them), but after what happened the other day, I am scared of doing it. Should I give a go to a website like mojoupgrade or weshouldtryit ? Thanks for the help