joanne

I've been struggling with this for some time now. My husband and I are currently going through a maelstrom of issues, including those from our bedroom. I'm sexually frustrated because when I have sex with my husband, I don't necessarily feel anything. I can feel the movement of his penis inside me, but it's really no different than him, say, pumping his penis through my closed fist, in terms of sensation. For some time I've wondered if it's my husband and something to do with his size, but some quick research has led me to discover that I'm not alone with this! (And that it has nothing to do with his size.) I am going to have an appt with my OBGYN next week (yearly check-up), and you can bet your patootie I'm bringing this up. I've only found posts on other message boards, but they all share the same tone of sadness, frustration, and anger that I feel. All of those people have also heard the same, "You need to relax. Don't make it into work. Breathe. It's about being close to your partner.", etc, etc. But I think it's very easy for a person who hasn't experienced this lack of feeling to respond with that sort of advice. (Which is all good, sound advice, but really not applicable to this situation.) There doesn't really seem to be much I can do, but there is some theory floating out there about a lack of bioelectrical somethings in the vagina. Have to look into that some more. Possibly hypnosis and Viagra may also help. For what it's worth, I can orgasm with clitoral stimulation. I don't know if I've found my G-spot yet, and I've certainly tried. When I use my vibrator, it feels pleasant, but it's 1) got an attached clit stimulator and 2) a VIBRATOR. It wiggles in way no man ever can. Has anybody else here got any experience with this? ETA This is the snippet I found: Your vaginal nerve does not have sufficient bioelectricity (resting potential, or so-called DC bias) to sense and to respond, as a result of insufficient testosterone and 5-alpha reductase in the local tissue to produce bioelectric energy for you. Poor blood circulation in the perineum area is the other cause of the deficiency of testosterone and 5-alpha reductase in the tissue of sex orgasm.

Well, they should arrive Monday (I opted for expedited shipping, LOL), so I'll find out then! I did get that set, I think. Plus another set from this site. And I fully intend to wear my granny panties with them.

I'm so sorry! I don't have any experience with fibromyalgia, and I'm sorry your doctor reacted that way. That's not helpful! Was the doctor an OB? Could you possibly speak to an OB about this and see what they have to say? Or, a different doctor? I wouldn't feel comfortable with a doctor who wasn't comfortable discussing a body and its issues, but that's just me. I mean, that's what doctors are supposed to do, right? (Though others seem to have offered good advice to you, and maybe an OB will say the same thing.) Best of luck with everything!

You're right. There is no medical or physical reason for anybody on the Autism spectrum. Autism is a MENTAL disability. So while he may be able to do these things physically, his brain might not be able to follow through. For the OP, I can't understand your entire situation, but I know what life is like with autism. My son is on the spectrum, as are my younger brother and sister. (Welcome to the gene pool!) You're possibly craving something from your husband that just cannot be. Like I said, this is purely a mental disability. It's all in the wiring, connections, and who knows what else. There's no talking to him, or having him talk to counselors, because nothing will compute or be digested. Does he have routines and rigid schedules and paths that he MUST follow? Unfortunately, sex IS a thing. And to a person like your husband, it's a thing that must be done A way for B minutes in C fashion. (And my apologies if it seems I'm applying blanket generalizations to your life and your husband. I'm just trying to paint a picture.) I fear this may not be just a sex issue, but a life issue. Life with my son is a constant battle. I feel like he's SO close, you know? But he's not, really. There has been an element of disconnect with him since the moment he was born. It's heartbreaking. I know the struggle mothering it; I can't imagine being married to it. Fortunately, it seems that your husband IS high-functioning, and he should be commended for a number of things, like growing up independently, getting married, raising children. Hell, even talking is a big deal in this world, right?! A lot of Aspies almost require a sort of training. They need to LEARN how to speak to people, how to order a drink at a bar, get through the check-out line. It takes practice, practice, practice, and all out in the big world. Can you start researching online for other spouses of those with Asperger's? That might be a starting point, at least to vent and air some of your frustrations, get feedback from those who have been there, done that. Good luck to you.

I agree - talk to your OB. If you've found you've had a similar experience with other people, my guess is that it's a physical issue. After I had children, I found that being on top was suddenly more difficult for me. It was fine pre-baby, but post, not so much. (Sharing this to illustrate that there are internal physical properties at play here, too.) I can take it doggy style (actually really love it), but have found that if we're attempting a DP, he HAS to be in my pussy. If he's in my ass and we're trying to use a vibrator in my pussy, it just doesn't fit, at least not without hurting. Good luck!

Not my kids (have entirely different stories about them), but of a friend who found them at her parents' house. That's what made me think of the physical therapy thing. (They were quite a bit older, and they *were* used for PT.) I guess sex could be considered a form of physical therapy, though.

We've recently brought the man-anal aspect into play. It's a shared interest, but it's on HIS terms, and at HIS discretion, ie, he uses the toy, not me. That's as far as we've gotten. There are some reservations (like for me, just touching the area in general, which I know is silly, but there it is), but we're going slowly and feeling out, quite literally, what works and what doesn't. My husband is absolutely convinced that he is not gay and that, even doing this, he will, in fact, remain straight.

Well, maybe not Borat's, but how about Bruno?

LOL. Matthew McConaughey back in the day! Yum. My husband doesn't wear any scent. He uses Lever 2000 for soap which I love love love. And then when he's been outside in the sun, working hard...Just a man's scent, you know? I like that.

I don't know what you can do. Have you spoken with him about how it affects your feelings of closeness and intimacy? I can't imagine how sad that must make you feel. I'm so sorry. I hope you and your husband can find a resolution.

For what it's worth, I think there are things very similar to the Liberator that are used a lot in physical therapy. Perhaps that was the item featured in the Wal-Mart circular? I can't imagine that Wal-Mart would sell an actual Liberator when they've covered up issues of Cosmo in the past.

Thanks, Howard. And Tyger. I'm not trying to jump on either of you. I just don't want to be told to do something I'm doing, you know? Nothing is easy. But we're in this marriage together, we're in it for the long haul, and we're trying our best to make modifications to our life while still respecting each other's limitations. Faith and hope, faith and hope...

May I ask - where on earth do you store these? They don't fit under our bed, and our closet does hold them...but now, not our clothes.

I want to emphatically point out what I wrote in my other post: And this isn't something I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm getting into therapy, discussing it with a therapist, then *possibly* proceeding from there. I don't even know if this is a possibility for me, honestly. I don't know if I can do it. But I am NOT running loose in the streets and dropping trau for any and every man I meet. I AM getting into therapy and discussing my sex life with that therapist. And THEN we - my husband and I - will take steps from there. I don't know what those steps will be, but we'll take them together. I am sorry to sound defensive. My husband and I DO have a strong marriage, despite what appears here. Sex is ONE of the issues, possibly the issue, but there are a host of other situations *not necessarily pertaining to my husband* that come into play. But since this is a sex discussion board, I will leave those other issues out of the discussion. If y'all want to hear them, though, I'll gladly share. Sorry. I guess this is grating on me. You know when you're just about to do something (like finish the dishes) and somebody asks you to do it as you're doing it? (Or, brings over one more dirty bowl?) I feel like that here. I've SAID I'm going to therapy FIRST. Please stop referencing my need to speak to a therapist first as if I haven't said the exact same thing.

Well, to buy them. I don't know why I haven't yet. And I just might treat myself to a new vibe. I think my favorite gunner is losing its mojo. I'll miss it terribly; I've become quite attached. How long can a person use the Ben Wa balls? And I am secretly terrified that they are not going to stay, that I'm just flapping around all over the place and the things will pop out within nanoseconds. But the reason is two-fold - I'll use them in conjunction with my Kegels, and maybe, just maybe, I'll have that earth shattering orgasm while I do the laundry or something.