chloegirl

Finished the first book and I am liking it immensely! I am a little suprised that although it describes alot of implements in the playroom, so far it's basically pretty tame....I mean it's mostly a little bondage and spanking, and of course the power control mind-fuck, but I was expecting more graphic detail. Even though it generates some heat, it's really rather tame compared to the media hoopla they put out about it. Do they get more into the BDSM details as the series continues? Interesting topic though....I like it rough sometimes, make me beg, but I don't do pain!

Bottom line....jealousy springs from insecurity. No one person can EVER be all things and fill all desires for anyone else. You can never control your own thoughts and fantasies much less anyone elses. The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more possessive you become, but that is a self-defeating mode of thought because the more uptight you get spinning that negativity thru your head, the more negative vibes you give off which WILL (surprise, surprise) turn the object of your desire wayyyyy off! Accept that all people will be attracted to or fantasize about other people off and on throughout their life. As long as they don't ACT on it, It does NOT take anything way from you. Your self-worth, sensuality, and desirability cannot be taken away by that. But you can make it disappear yourself by letting that ugly stuff take control of you making you bitter and bitchy! (By the way.....it took me ALOT of years to figure that out lol! I was one jealous be-otch when I was younger!)

56.6%

The power thing is so true! It is frustrating but I guess maybe to be expected that as the years go by age, stress, and daily life may lessen that intense "gotta have you now!" drive but if you still make time for each other with some occasional QUALITY sex you can still deal with and accept that. But when you have a high drive and you basically are never getting it or if they deign to give in and it is always one of those "hurry up, I want to get off quick" interludes where they really don't seem to care if you are aroused or finished then you get to the point where the constant frustration will kill any desire you feel for them at all. Sometimes communication doesn't solve the problems. Anger and resentment WILL build up and all the other little annoying things that are there in every relationship will start to seem that much more pronounced as well. If you're not careful eventually all intimacy and little gestures of affection will stop. And that's when you have a big decision to make. Stay in a sexless marriage (and there seems to be an astonishing amount of people who do), find some other way to divert your needs, or leave. Having hot, passionate, erotic sex with someone who shares your high drive and excitement is awesome! But so is just lying next to each other, holding, caressing, touching, and talking! It's all about sharing and giving! If you at least have that you can weather the storms!

Isn't it funny how everyone has such different preferences? With H you would think the package was as delicate as cotton candy so you had to be so careful, but from my experience I can tell you that it is so much more exciting being with someone who likes a firm grip and some agressive, enthusiastic oral action!

I will admit that a band around a guy's built bicep or a cute, LITTLE one on a tight YOUNG girl's hip, ass, or ankle can be sexy. A sexy little discreet surprise. I can appreciate the artistry and colors and each person's individuality in them. I've seen some really amazing ones on people.....BUT personally I am not a fan of being covered in them. I just don't think you can look elegant or classy with large areas of your body graffitied over. And no matter how well you take care of yourself, at some point age hits you with loss of muscle tone and crepey, saggy skin and no offense, but there is nothing sexy about the used up old con/bar slut look. So while I woudn't be attracted to someone just because they had them, I would not be detracted from getting to know someone who did...the attraction comes from deeper stuff than just initial appearance.

Rave: Getting all dolled up and going out to a nice restaurant for dinner and drinks Rant: Having to listen to people's LOUD bawling, squaling toddlers the whole time

Lol, poor Square! You will soon find out that the worst part is not the periods themselves, it's several years of cranky, moody, super emotional outbursts over every little thing! But it all works itself out in the end with lots of patience, love, and firm guidance!

There is nothing wrong with waiting. You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders and much self-respect which is always a good thing. You know what you are looking for and will NOT settle for less! Go Kami!!! That is awesome. Hold true to what is right for you and you WILL find happiness! I can relate alot to Wendy though. My husband and I were not at all experienced before each other but you would think that something as natural as sex would just naturally work itself out. The sex was always pitiful from the get go but being in love I always found a way to make excuses for him in my head. That was a stupid mistake on my part. He NEVER did improve. And after many, many years of sexual frustration on top of the day to day stuff that builds up in a marriage, the resentment pretty much killed any chance for true happiness. I agree when you meet one it's ok to wait until you build love, trust, and the relationship. But personally I wish I had had enough prior experience and knowlege to not close a blind eye to what was obvious dysfunction and just expect nature to take it's course. If they don't care enough to bring their A game in the beginning they damn sure won't as the years go by and you will want to kick yourself for wasting those years that could have and should have been at the very least tolerably satisfying.

True words of wisdom!

Square, You're my hero!

I don't get that channel (wonder if I can catch it online?) It's such a deep topic, but so hard to discuss logically because people get soooo freakin' emotional about it that they refuse to listen to anything or anyone.....they just want to villify and crucify! I've worked with 2 women whose husbands had affairs on them and heard and read about 100's more and they ALL say "we were perfectly happy until that blankety-blank-blank came along and destroyed our marriage!" But I say that can't be true. If BOTH of you were totally happy and fulfilled it would NOT have happened. Something was missing somewhere whether you want to face it or not. Of course there should be total honest communication between spouses to let the other one know when there is something lacking or that needs to be addressed so that you can work on fixing it before things get to that point. But sometimes you can talk and explain until you are blue in the face and they refuse to see it, listen, or try to change. Or what if you were married to a person with a naturally high sex drive but you were not able to have sex for whatever reason (physical, mental, religious fanatic, etc ) and were not interested in even trying to offer other means of sensual release to your partner. They love you and your family, are not looking to leave you but needs, wants, and craves sex, passion, intimacy. Is it fair to expect him/her to live thier life without it just because you don't want it just because you have that licence? How is that noble, fair, or virtuous? (and it's always the way they want to portray themselves as the injured, innocent party) That is not you loving them. It is shackling them. Maybe that affair is the only thing keeping them to where they can even stay in the marriage. I'm not condoning or condemning it, but I can see it from both sides. I hate to see the pain and destruction that can come in the wake of it. But there are so many different stories and gray areas. It is NEVER black and white! Granted it is not the ideal scenario. I don't think that anyone would purposely chose to hurt or betray or live that kind of life, (although there are people with deep emotional problems that might) but life can be very complicated. We are all looking to fill the empty spaces inside of us. We have been programmed to despise anything other than possessive monogamy as wrong and unnatural, but a lifetime is a long time when there is something big missing to one person in a marriage even if the rest of the life is "fine". Maybe straying from that concept is healthier in the long run.

Weekend's finally here! Hope it makes it better!

Thanks Randy! I understand what you are saying as a whole but just to play devil's advocate I am going to point out that here are the bits and pieces that jump out at me: "in order to find an older woman attractive" (like that's so hard to do?!)---- "being able to picture yourself with that person. Many guys couldn't do that without the ick factor coming up" ----- (Are you serious?!) That is a totally understandable reaction coming from a young person. But you can still pick up that "ick" response from alot of both men and women who are NOT exactly kids anymore thinly veiled between the lines of what they say. Even "OLDER" men in the same age group 50's & up! Get real people! We're ALL headed down the same highway and we're ALL gonna get older! (even those "kids" who act like it's a disease that will never hit them!) News Flash! Biologically we're still wired for desire til we die if we don't let ourselves give up, but you can't go there alone and realistically you've got to accept your own peer group for that journey! Which means you CAN"T ignore this part of the population, especially if you are in it! Why are people so offended almost angrily when an older woman keeps herself hot? Or grossed out by even imagining an older woman as sexual but it's perfectly alright for the same age man to think he is entitled to and longed for by little 20 somethings? (yeah some might if they have daddy issues or you buy them stuff!) And no one sees anything mentally off with that twisted logic? I have to say it really grosses me out to picture men doing girls as young as their own daughters....there's just something really incestuously gross about that to me, but that's another topic! I can see a young guy and think "yeah, he's nice looking" but I NEVER even in a fantasy think about wanting him sexually for myself. Not because I couldn't get one or turn one inside out! But I am only ever honed in on my own age group. I do NOT dis-count middle aged men (or women for that matter) as my target because that's "what you (I) are closest to physically"

Read this article and then especially all the comments at the end! http://awards.music.yahoo.com/blog/171-hot-for-teacher-star-surfaces-after-bands-grammy-buzz