RikaLovesDie

Ok...sad story time. lol I have no toys yet. I've been procrastinating on researching which will be best for me, even though I really need to get to it because my hubby ships to boot camp soon and I'm stuck alone for 3 months. I've used KY Touch Massage for masturbating, but I don't really care for it and my hubby seems against lubricants in general, even though I personally feel they're necessary for me. My ex always used ID Glide without fail, which worked well, but being water-based it tended to dry out too quickly. Honestly, it's just one of those things I don't really think of, which is why I come here for advise. X) It reminds me that there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be vanilla.

I still struggle a lot with orgasms. I've only really been sexually active for about 3 years now and I was slow to pick up on a lot of things. Now I'd say I orgasm 60% of the time, which is an immense improvement for me. The hubby has only missed out maybe 3 times during the two years we've been together. But in those cases I didn't come either.

There is an added variable to this, although I left it out because my husband claims it has nothing to do with his lack of interest in sex; he only has one testicle, and as such produces less testosterone than the average man. He's been checked by two separate doctors and been told that he's fine, and he claims that he had low testosterone prior to loosing one of his testicles to testicular torsion. He's led a fairly sedentary life style, since he works in an office and spends most of his day on the computer. I'm hoping that with his entrance into the Marines the activity will help increase his testosterone production and hopefully get him more interested in sex. I've considered asking him to go through hormone therapy, but I've never brought it up seriously because I'm concerned it might change him as a person. My ex was on testosterone and steroid therapy for some SERIOUS asthma and I always felt he was more of a dick because of it (though wonderfully endowed, highly sexual and had a short refractory period). I worry that if he goes through therapy I'll loose my sensitive man and possibly not even get more sex out of it anyway.

I think I may have had FE for the first time last weekend, but I'm not completely certain. I was lying on my back masturbating while my husband was stimulating my nipples with his mouth (one of my favorite things to do, though he doesn't much care for it--such a shame...). I felt the rush of fluids and a few moments later I had my "O", but it wasn't as intense as I was expecting. It felt like a normal orgasm, just with a bigger mess. I was a little disappointed that I hadn't done it on my husband's dick or in his mouth because I'm sure he would have had a much greater appreciation for it that way, and likely myself by proxy. I'm still working on recreating it, but have yet to have any success. I think it was partially because we were on vacation in a very nice hotel room, so it was easier to relax and fully enjoy it.

The first time with my husband was fairly horrendous. I don't remember too many details, but I very vividly remember that once we were really getting hot and heavy I asked him to get a condom because I wasn't on any birth control (he already knew this). He gave me an annoyed look, ran to his dresser and pulled out a condom, then proceeded to toss it to me. It landed squarely between my breasts and I just looked up at him with a startled face and said, "I.. don't really know how they work. My ex always put it on himself.." Giving me another annoyed look, he struggled to put on the condom (apparently he didn't really know how they worked either XD) and in the struggle his erection started to fade, but he proceeded to try to insert himself into me. Not exactly the most comfortable thing. Eventually his erection was completely gone and we gave up and resorted to cuddling, which wasn't bad at all, but it certainly wasn't the best first attempt between us. I had another bad experience with my ex. He was my first everything; first kiss, first intercourse, first blowjob... He was ecstatic that I would give him oral because most girls shied away due to his size (he was well endowed). Apparently, not only was I one of the few to actually offer to please him orally, but according to him I was pretty good at it too. He decided that he wanted to reciprocate and eagerly went down on me. I'm not too sure what exactly he was doing, but there was a lot of drool and a lot of separation from my lips and his, which caused the wetness to become cold... I'd originally figured that oral just wasn't my thing, but I've learned now that he was just really bad at it. Like... REALLY bad.

It seems like I may be in the minority here, but I'm not big on hours of penetration. I tend to dry out easily and get uncomfortable after about 10-15 minutes. My preference is 5-10 minutes of some good solid penetration--the deeper the better. Although, I'm fairly sexually inexperienced, so perhaps it's something that will evolve over time. Our preference is oral, switching back and forth with one another. My husband loves to give me oral, specifically if I sit on his face and squeeze his head with my thighs. I love for the foreplay and teasing to last as long as possible, but it tends to run 20-30 minutes since my husband gets frustrated if I leave him hanging for too long. ...And in all honesty, after about 20 minutes or so I can't stand looking at his dick anymore without having it inside of me. Which is a pity, really, because I tend to jump him sooner than I should and miss out on my own "O" for it.

My husband is a sweet, affectionate man who is very caring and wonderfully enticing in bed (when eventually provoked). He's a few years younger than myself, having turned 23 earlier this year. By normal standards he'd likely be considered in his sexual prime. His upbringing was remarkably free and loving. His parents are both wonderfully admirable people who are openly affectionate with one another and equally so to their children. He's the oldest of three children, and from what I can tell, the favorite by far. He lost his virginity at the reasonable age of 14 and hasn't experienced any abuse, sexual or otherwise, that I'm aware of. My opinion of his inability to initiate sex is that he takes rules in the strictest regard and will not bend when given a direct order (which is why he's going into the military and believe he's going to be a wonderful success). I simply believe that when his father told him to respect a girl and let her make the first move, he took it literally and now can't bring himself to initiate sexual contact because it's in direct conflict to the rule he was given. He's very...logical in that sense. If you're a geek (like myself) you could easily liken him to Spock of Star Trek or Dr Manhattan of Watchmen. It's always been difficult for him to see outside of the box that was derived by others and his own personally implemented limitations. I would love to take him into counseling, couples or otherwise, but his current endeavors into the military restricts that for the time being. I'm picking back up with my therapist this Friday to discuss my own issues, which I believe contribute to our sexual stagnancy as well, but that's another post entirely. My general issue with my husband is not merely that we're not having sex often enough, but more so the fact that I'm putting myself out there and if he's not missing it entirely, he's turning me down. Just the other night we were arguing about it and he complained that I did not recognize his willingness to have sex with me and honor that, as though I should be allowing him leeway in other aspects of our relationship *because* he was having sex with me. I was so upset that he considered sex a bartering tool, or a way to appease me, that I resigned myself to the couch. When I eventually returned we talked about it more and came to an understanding, then had sex, but I couldn't help thinking that it was meant to appease me--almost a pity fuck. He's actually asked me if I'd rather he fake it and simply give me what I want, or accept that I'm not going to get laid as often as I like, but with the understanding that it would be honest and real. I go back and forth on the idea, since I think my opinion of the matter fluctuates with my hormones. There are certainly those days when I want nothing more than to fuck, and conversely there are days that I want that honest, loving connection from him. Perhaps I'm just being too fickle and expect too much from him.

My very first sexual experience was with another girl. She was a friend who had been dabbling in same-sex relations for a bit and she said she wanted to kiss me. After some prodding I eventually gave in (my first kiss!) and she proceeded to shove her tongue down my throat. -.- Needless to say, the whole thing was rather awkward and didn't really go anywhere. I had a few more opportunities with women in college, but never bothered because they didn't seem very serious to me. Basically, the sexual experience I had with my friend in high school didn't sway me in my sexuality in anyway. I know what you're feeling though, because I've had similar issues with my husband. I'm almost certain that he's had some sort of sexual experience with other men, though he's never fessed up to it. But I find that my concern is more specific to my husband's personality--I really worry that other people might take advantage of him and he wouldn't put up much of a fight, and he tends to hang around some wild crowds... But that's just me being paranoid. X)

I've seen a few postings here and there regarding husbands dealing with wives that aren't fulfilling their needs. I actually have quite the opposite issue. I had posted about this previously, but it's been...guy, maybe a year since I've posted on this forum, so I figure it's about time for an update. My husband and I have struggled with our sexual relationship from the start. I'd just come out of an overly sexual relationship and admitted that I wanted something more than just sex from him. However, when I was ready to make sex part of our relationship (about 3 months in) he dodged me constantly. By the time I finally got him into it enough he lost his erection when I asked him to get a condom, which I took very hard. We finally managed to go all the way a few months later (6 months in) after which point I got pregnant. I would say that our sexual awkwardness roots from the fact that most of our sexual experience came from during our pregnancy, but I struggled enough to get laid before that happened. Six months after our son was born we got married. Sex was and has been sporadic with breaks ranging from a few days to several months. On average I would say I'm lucky if I get laid once a month. My husband claims that he's not interested in sex. He does have sexual desires, but he can't bring himself to act on them because he was raised to NEVER make the first move (which I think is stupid). He's incredibly submissive and struggles in any position other than having me on top. I've FINALLY convinced him to enjoy receiving oral because apparently I'm just better at it than his previous girlfriends (nice ego boost), but he still persists in turning me down regularly. On one occasion I straddled him in bed, while he was naked, and started to kiss and bite at his neck--I got no reaction out of him whatsoever and when I questioned him about it later he said the thought didn't even cross his mind. And this isn't recent behavior. He's been this way for as long as I can remember. It's like he's missing the part of him that's supposed to react to sexiness and allure. It's proven to be emotionally trying for me, and it's gotten harder for me to take initiative in our relationship now because he's turned me down so many times. With my ex-bf all I had to do was wear a skirt with a garter and no panties and he was practically jumping me before we could even get out of the car. But with my husband I've tried telling him out-right, flirting, dressing sexy... I just can't seem to get a rise out of him.

I don't recall ever having the talk. I was a late bloomer in a lot of ways and didn't even start dating until I was in my 20s. I do recall learning most of my knowledge of sex from Hollywood (movies, not porn), which still affects me to this day. I was also raised in a very strict, religious family, so I wasn't even aware that masturbation was possible for women until I was 20 and a 15 year old girl on the internet explained it to me. -.- It was down hill from there. I lost my virginity at 22 and was pregnant by 23. When I told my mother I was pregnant I thought she was gonna kill me. I guess I could have blamed her for never talking to me about it, but she and I both know I'm smarter than that. Even if I was never told directly I always knew better. My plan is to be upfront, factual and informative with my son, but I'm not how sure that's going to work out since I was fairly sexually repressed growing up and my husband is no better and we're currently struggling with our own sexual relationship. But my son is only just turning 1, so we have some time to figure things out.

I used to do this with my ex, but I haveb't with my fiance *yet*. He doesn't masturbate that I've ever seen and we've been living together for six months now. I'm going to work on it though. Hopefully he'll be open to it, as it's one of my favorite things to do.

My fiance and I have been together for almost a year and a half now. We waited six months before initiating a physical relationship and got pregnant the first time, so our entire sex life has been while pregnant. We've had sex enough times to count on one hand, and since our son was born 3 months ago we haven't had sex at all. Neither of us masturbate either. If you average everything out, we probably participate in any sexual play about once every 5 months.