Fhawk

I hope this is the right place to post this. It certainly is 'on topic'. I'd like some expert opinions on which is the best Rabbit of all those that offer 'pearls'. In particular, I'd appreciate a comparison between the Rabbit Pearl and the Jack Rabbit Pearl. What makes the Rabbit Pearl better? It costs twice as much as the Jack Rabbit Pearl, so... is that cost justified by its performance, aesthetics or anything else that differentiates it from the other Rabbits? I read some negative reviews of the thrusting Rabbit, but would love to hear from owners who love it...

I think it is impossible for any outsider to judge fairly what goes on between any man and woman with a long-term relationship like this one and especially a long-term relationship where both parties have aged and changed. Sex is NOT simple, however much we may wish it were. It can bring out both the best and the worst in us, sometimes both simultaneously. Self-esteem, self-image, weight loss, weight gain, aging, hormonal changes, attitude changes, trauma, fear, loss ... a woman who feels impotent sometimes will withhold sex from a partner because she feels it is the only thing she CAN control in her life. (The fact that this woman still masturbates but cannot do it with her husband may be an indication of serious control issues.) 'Love' can mean all sorts of things and a man can vow he loves his spouse and mean it sincerely, but that doesn't mean that his love is expressed always in a positive way. For a lot of men, control is a natural part of any relationship. We are only now coming into an era where girls grow up truly BELIEVING they are the equals of any man. Not so long ago, conjugal rights belonged only to the man. A woman was a chattel. Her body wasn't HERS, nor was anything else. She belonged first to her father and then to her husband. Thank God we live in a different era and women can change their own destinies. Obviously, in an ideal marriage or relationship, sex is a means of expressing love and sharing physical and emotional (even spiritual) satisfaction. Unfortunately, a 'healthy' attitude towards sex is not that easy to create or maintain for many. There was a time when I declared sexual compatability to be the most important foundation for any relationship, but I realise now that NO relationship can be reduced to that simple an equation. The idea that the husband hired a private detective to follow his wife is a little distressing. Jealousy and insecurity are not manifestations of love. That sort of act is one of control. It seems to me that there are far more serious problems here than sex. Lack of sexual intimacy between the two is an effect not a cause. BOTH partners need to address the root causes that have created a gulf of some kind between them. The women on this forum who have no problem whatsoever with sexual intimacy should count themselves blessed. Sadly, there are thousands of women (and men) in every culture who find sex threatening, daunting and sometimes even impossible. The woman who cannot express sexual affection towards the most important person in her life may deserve compassion as much as the man who is suffering from her inability to touch him.

I wonder if I sounded too preachy in my first response. I didn't intend that at all, but sex always is 90% mental and only 10% physical. Have you ever asked her about role play? She might open up a little if she could pretend to be some one else. Have you tried gentle seduction, such as a blindfold and a feather? Perhaps it takes longer for her to become stimulated than it did when you first met... in which case, perhaps an unthreatening sex toy...? Make it clear to her that you'll do almost anything it takes to interest her again in intimacy.

I expect that, at this point, the more you emphasise the importance of sex, the more cornered she may feel, and less and less inclined to change. This is not a case of 'fault' but obviously, something occurred a few years ago that changed her attitude. (It may have nothing whatsoever to do with you, but you need to find out what changed.) You just had a child and yet you are almost willing to throw this marriage out the window because sex is not more than once or twice each fortnight? That isn't bad, actually, for a couple with a young baby. Women DO go through hormonal changes and physical changes after childbirth (including the possibility of something called post partum depression that can lead to suicide), so perhaps you need to tread a little more carefully at least for awhile until you both become accustomed to the baby. And yes, fathers have trouble adjusting as well, but it is nothing like the adjustment of a woman who had to become accustomed to carrying a huge stomach in front of her for months, then go through the agony of childbirth and end up a different person physically. At the same time, when you put this in terms such as 'she will not give it up', it turns the whole business of sex into a rather negative equation. It shouldn't be a matter of her giving it up. It should be a situation where both partners are trying to attain satisfaction together... and I don't mean solely physical satisfaction. Did you ever ask her about her fantasies? I don't mean just sex but romance as well. Romance IS foreplay for sex. Don't try to force her to give you sexual details at the start. Just ask her what her ideal romantic day would be... and then do it for her. She may need a bit of coaxing. Many women after having a child don't like their bodies and feel they have become undesirable. This obviously is not true, but it's a natural feeling. Asking for more sex without trying to get to the root of her behaviour is counterproductive. I am not taking 'her side' but the best way to get what YOU want is to persuade her that it could include something she wants. Ask her about her fantasies and try to make her feel that you care about what is going on inside her head and heart and not just wanting to go between her legs... I know you are frustrated but this is the worst possible moment for you to think in terms of divorce or a 'bit on the side'. If it was like this for 5 years, why did you stick it out this long? Why did you have a child? A child is an investment in the future. You have been with this woman for almost 2 decades. You say it has been this way for 5 years or so... but what was it like before that? It must be worth a real effort to try to find your way back to a better relationship with your wife and the mother of your child.

Well, I didn't answer your question in the end... Short answer: BOTH. Nipple clamps can cause instant arousal, gradual arousal, slight pain or excruciating pain... and everything in between.

It seems to me that the entire purpose of 'Too Timid' and this board is to allow full expression of a person's individuality in sexual terms. For a start, the idea that Nipple Clamps denote a 'submissive' is wrong. You can use them at the request or command of another, but the person who posted the declaration that they constitute 'body jewelry' is absolutely correct. They can BE whatever you want them to be and DO whatever you want them to do. I love nipple clamps myself but was put off by the idea that they were for 'slaves'... I realise now they are for ME, and as I am not some one who responds well to pain (having experienced far too much of it in my life), I prefer the adjustable type and the sort that are aesthetically pleasing to the eye. In fact, I'd love to see some one create a gold or sterling silver pair of adjustable nipple clamps. There are a couple of considerations here. You say you have nipple rings, so you obviously were willing to go through the piercing ritual and pain. If you like the sensation of having some one pull on your nipple rings, then you probably should find a pair of nipple clamps with a fairly hefty chain so that the pull of the chain will cause arousal even if the clamps are not tightly attached. Alligator clamps have teeth and will be painful. As some one who has been a 'Mistress' to many slaves, I do know there are those who love them but if you want excitement and arousal as opposed to a biting sensation, go with adjustable. Final comment: One difference between clamps and your nipple rings might be that, when you move, the chain attached to the clamps will cause a very pleasant sensation based on your movements. The rings probably require touch to stimulate although clothing rubbing against them probably does something good...