Marathon Oral Sex (almost Work)

[harmanwk]

The last two times my wife and I had sex it resulted in an oral sex marathon. For the most part she enjoys reaching an orgasm as part of our activities and the only permissible method is for me to perform oral sex until she enjoys her orgasm, which I enjoy giving. However, the last two times it took over an hour for her to have an orgasm! And they have been some of her strongest orgasms. It usually takes about 20 minutes, no problem. But an hour is almost approaching work; and my legs are often asleep. She says she gets close to an orgasm several times but it fades away. And I can tell from her moaning and "don't stop!" that she is enjoying the attention. And believe me she goes through cycles of being soaking wet, which seems to reduce her sensitivity. BTW, there is almost always the prelude of me giving her a back/leg massage followed by kisses on her back and she especially enjoys my kisses on her butt cheeks.

Any ideas as to why the change in her response time?

My biggest complaint is not really the amout of oral sex, but intercourse is hurried because it is getting late or we are both tired. And unfortunately, she doesn't return the oral favor, sigh.

[Mikayla1]

OK, I have a few thoughts here, so bare with me:

First, I applaud the fact that you are more than willing to include oral sex as your foreplay. It is wonderful that you realize that your wife loves it, and you like to give her that pleasure. That is fantastic.

However, I am disturbed by the fact that she won't return the favor. I mean, I come from the thinking that no oral for you = no oral for her (or vice versa). It isn't really fair for anyone to give this intimate and important part of foreplay without getting some in return. SO, I would address that at some point and see if we can't get her interested.

Next, a woman's response time can change from day to day; week to week; or year to year. It can depend on her age, time in her menstrual cycle, arousal level. If she is having a particularly stressful day, the response time can be much longer. Try to ascertain that before you start. It seems like you are doing the nice things - massage, kisses, etc. However, this may be getting redundant. Do you think she might like things to be changed up a bit? Do you vary your technique? An hour of oral is a loooong time. Have you thought of using a toy?

It is not uncommon at all for her to want to orgasm during oral, she gets that direct clitoral stimulation. However, maybe you can try an oral warm-up, then move on to sex with clitoral stim via hand or toy. With the added sensation of being full (insertion) she may orgasm much more comfortably and harder. Try to get her to change her thinking.

This can also lengthen the time of penetration for you, and there won't be a 'rush.'

Good luck to you - let us know how it goes!

[Darth Jesus]

OK, I have a few thoughts here, so bare with me:

Next, a woman's response time can change from day to day; week to week; or year to year. It can depend on her age, time in her menstrual cycle, arousal level. If she is having a particularly stressful day, the response time can be much longer.

!

I'm no sex expert, but after 14 years of marriage I can tell you that Mikayla is right. A woman's response time definitely changes all the time. I know for my wife her response time has shortened as we've progressed in our sex life. But it used to be that she could not orgasm without some kind of hand or oral stimulation. And in some cases she couldn't reach orgasm at all. And even today sometimes she'll tell me she's not in the mood for long foreplay and just wants to get down to it. However, an hour is definitely a long period of time for oral sex.

The one thing that has helped us is honest open communication about what feels good and what doesn't. This type of communication for us takes place in and out of the bedroom. My wife has expressed how in the past she was afraid to tell me what she wanted in bed because of hidden insecurities. But believe me talking about it has helped us a ton. And most of the time it's a real turn on to talk about these things with her because it gives me an insight to what she finds pleasurable. The simple act of talking about it can also can become foreplay and very stimulating. Especially if you're talking about it right before you get down to the deed. If you don't already have this type of openness with each other then it might be tough at first to develop, but through time and perseverance it will pay off.

I'm sure she really does enjoy the attention down there, but it could also be that she enjoys some things more than others, and may be afraid to tell you in order to spare your feelings. I personally like that my wife will tell me what she wants during the act. For example...If I'm licking her clit and she decides that she also wants my fingers in her she'll say "use your fingers baby". Six or eight years ago she would never say that to me because she was afraid of what I might think.

On a separate note, I don't know whether you have or haven't, but you need to talk with her about the fact that she does not reciprocate. This is a big issue with a lot of guys, we don't like to say anything to our wives/girlfriends in order to avoid conflict or perhaps out of our insecurities as men. If you don't say anything she might think that you're ok with it because you can orgasm from intercourse. Just on a human level alone it doesn't seem very fair that you work on pleasuring her for an hour and she is not willing to give you ten minutes of pleasure. Again it could be her insecurities preventing her from doing that. She might think she's bad at it or perhaps has other underlying issues that prevents her from returning the favor. But whatever the reason you should talk about it.

[harmanwk]

Mikayla, I did say I owe an update on this.

For my wife, her period is not a factor since she has had a complete hysterectomy.

What I do believe was the problem is that about 2 months before my post she switched medicine for her depression from Ambien to something else. About a month or so after my post she switched back to Ambien (expeeennnsssive, but it works). Her response to oral sex is better now, 20 min or so and she usually has an orgasm. However, she says that most of this time she feels that she is just on the verge of orgasm, but just not getting over the edge. And when she does ... boy is it a big one. I tease her and say I am going to give her another but she says "please no, I don't think I can handle more."

As for toys? I did get a couple from TT but no, she is not willing to try them. Sometimes I can use my fingers for a bit but she really prefers my tongue.

As for my receiving oral sex, while it would be nice it is not a show stopper. After 21 years of marriage (and 2 yrs dating) I have probably received oral sex 3-4 times. After going through severe clinical depression for a few years including multile hospitalizations, I am glad to have more of a normal sex life. And it helped just to get this off my chest.

Thanks Mikayla and DJ for your responses.

[sass]

Meds can certainly make a difference. I am glad you found what the likely cause was and that she was willing and able to change meds.

On another note, why won't she let you use toys? That kind of seems the reverse of most toy-less couples. In my experience it is usually the man who has problems with bringing toys into the bedroom. Just curious if you know why she won't do this.

[harmanwk]

MsLayD,

I am not sure of any underlying reasons why she doesn't want toys. She is rather conservative sexually, not that advenurous in bed. Sometimes I can get her to try a new position. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes not. Regardless our main staple position is the missionary. To give you an idea I don't think she has ever given herself an orgasm. None the less, I still love her.

I do know she is not exactly following the advice my grandmother gave her before we got married. My grandmother told my wife (and my sister-in-law) "If you want to make your husband happy then you need to be a lady in public and act like a whore in bed." This surprised my wife coming from my conservative grandmother. Well me too a little when my wife told me what she said, but my grandmother was always rather independent so it shouldn't surprise me.

[sass]

MsLayD,

I am not sure of any underlying reasons why she doesn't want toys. She is rather conservative sexually, not that advenurous in bed. Sometimes I can get her to try a new position. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes not. Regardless our main staple position is the missionary. To give you an idea I don't think she has ever given herself an orgasm. None the less, I still love her.

I do know she is not exactly following the advice my grandmother gave her before we got married. My grandmother told my wife (and my sister-in-law) "If you want to make your husband happy then you need to be a lady in public and act like a whore in bed." This surprised my wife coming from my conservative grandmother. Well me too a little when my wife told me what she said, but my grandmother was always rather independent so it shouldn't surprise me.

I just love a wise Granny!

[raniedaize]

I just love a wise Granny!

As do I!

[Mikayla1]

DING DING DING!

Yep, anti-depressants are known for not only lowering sexual response, but also for lowering sex drive. Ironic, huh? Something that is supposed to help you, actually hurts something that naturally boosts mood!

Let me make a suggestion, how about a clitoral cream, like Viva? This brings extra blood to the clitoris, helping sexual response by making it more intense / faster. This might be a perfect addition to your oral sex, and it may make it easier for her to get past one and on to another!

[mudshark]

DING DING DING!

Yep, anti-depressants are known for not only lowering sexual response, but also for lowering sex drive. Ironic, huh? Something that is supposed to help you, actually hurts something that naturally boosts mood!

Let me make a suggestion, how about a clitoral cream, like Viva? This brings extra blood to the clitoris, helping sexual response by making it more intense / faster. This might be a perfect addition to your oral sex, and it may make it easier for her to get past one and on to another!

I was thinking that I would like to try that with my wife, Mik. My question is: Is this cream designed for women who have trouble getting off? If so, my wife has no problems with that. But, you say that her orgasms become even more intense. Sounds good! Thanks...

[Mikayla1]

I was thinking that I would like to try that with my wife, Mik. My question is: Is this cream designed for women who have trouble getting off? If so, my wife has no problems with that. But, you say that her orgasms become even more intense. Sounds good! Thanks...

Oh GOD no! I have NO trouble getting off and I use it just to 'heighten' the experience. I have tried a lot of clitoral creams, and Viva is wonderful. Any woman can use this - to help to get aroused - to stay aroused - or to enhance the orgasm. Give it a whirl!

[ToyQueen]

Mikayla, I did say I owe an update on this.

For my wife, her period is not a factor since she has had a complete hysterectomy.

What I do believe was the problem is that about 2 months before my post she switched medicine for her depression from Ambien to something else. About a month or so after my post she switched back to Ambien (expeeennnsssive, but it works). Her response to oral sex is better now, 20 min or so and she usually has an orgasm. However, she says that most of this time she feels that she is just on the verge of orgasm, but just not getting over the edge. And when she does ... boy is it a big one. I tease her and say I am going to give her another but she says "please no, I don't think I can handle more."

As for toys? I did get a couple from TT but no, she is not willing to try them. Sometimes I can use my fingers for a bit but she really prefers my tongue.

As for my receiving oral sex, while it would be nice it is not a show stopper. After 21 years of marriage (and 2 yrs dating) I have probably received oral sex 3-4 times. After going through severe clinical depression for a few years including multile hospitalizations, I am glad to have more of a normal sex life. And it helped just to get this off my chest.

Thanks Mikayla and DJ for your responses.

I am a little confused here. Ambien is not an antidepressant. It is a sleep aid, and is available in a generic form--which makes it cheaper. Is she on something else for depression? I know that when I take Ambien, if I can stay awake long enough, it lowers my inhibitions. However, it does take much longer for me to orgasm.

[sass]

Oh GOD no! I have NO trouble getting off and I use it just to 'heighten' the experience. I have tried a lot of clitoral creams, and Viva is wonderful. Any woman can use this - to help to get aroused - to stay aroused - or to enhance the orgasm. Give it a whirl!

I agree 100%! I have no problems but love Viva for even more fun. I bet your wife would love it, Stu!

[elise]

I agree 100%! I have no problems but love Viva for even more fun. I bet your wife would love it, Stu!

Same here. Viva is wonderful, as is O'My! gel. I find O'My! a bit strong... within about 30 seconds of application my clit is so sensitive I absolutely have to have his mouth on me. Very fast, very strong, multiple orgasms are the result.

Try some Viva on your wife's clit first. If that doesn't ring her bell, then try the O'My.

[ladylove]

If our wife has a sensitive clitoris (in a good way) like some of us almost anything will work..... just try something.

Once, accidently,some flavored nipple made it's way to my clitoris...OMG! Though I'm not recommending you do that perhaps a little flavor will make the time seem less like work

[harmanwk]

ToyQueen,

Yes, you are absolutly right. Ambien is a sleep aid. I miss typed, she has taken Ambien on occasion. The drug I was referring to is Abilify (both begin with a 'A' - brain fart). You may have seen its ads on TV. It is used on conjunction with anti-depressants. I am sure this makes a lot more sense.

Mikayla,

It was not so much anti-depressants, but changing from Abilify to something less expensive. Right now we are paying $120 a month for Abilify AFTER insurance!!! The alternative just didn't work as well so she switched back. And technically my wife is diagnosed as bipolar.

[Mikayla1]

I clearly mis-read.....NOT anti-depressants, but sleep aids...but you say 'in conjunction with' - so she is on anti-depressants then? Technically, almost any unnatural chemical in your body can mess with libido or sexual response if they do anything to alter the brain.

But, I did notice while re-reading this post, that you mention that she has probably never given herself an orgasm. Well, that is also signficant. If she doesn't know how - or hasn't explored her own body - to give herself pleasure, she likely is not used to or comfortable with YOU doing so. Hence why it takes her so long.

I would suggest maybe starting out trying to get her to masturbate. See how she likes to be touched. I would also add in a lot of finger stimulation with your oral - really concentrate on her clit, rubbing little circles around, playing with her lips, gently licking and sucking her clit. That way, you won't get TOO tired doing it and she gets more direct pressure. IF you can, try to get her to allow a bullet into play time. This can be used during oral or intercourse for a little 'extra' during stimulation time.

Good luck!

[ToyQueen]

And technically my wife is diagnosed as bipolar.

You may have given us an answer right there. There are so many issues with bipolar. Has your wife been in counseling, in conjunction with meds? This may be an issue that the doctor could help with. There are other medications that may help as much, and not decrease libido as significantly. It may be worth talking to the doctor about, but she may not be willing to do that. It may fall to you.

[mudshark]

Oh GOD no! I have NO trouble getting off and I use it just to 'heighten' the experience. I have tried a lot of clitoral creams, and Viva is wonderful. Any woman can use this - to help to get aroused - to stay aroused - or to enhance the orgasm. Give it a whirl!

Good! That's what I wanted to hear! Cool, something different to look forward to. Thanks

[harmanwk]

Update on this thread. I am not sure exactly when the change started but for several months she has not had trouble reaching an orgasm. About 15 minutes of oral sex is all it takes now. And she says her orgams seem stronger. She makes me stop because she doesn't think she can handle a second one. Well one night after a big 'O' I paused briefly then I dove back in and she came almost immediately and then came again before begging me to stop. She did have to change meds from Ambien in May since it stopped being effective. I thought it was her meds but we didn't want to change anything that was working.

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement.

[sass]

That is great news!

[crossroads123]

Well all I can add to this topic is WHERE DO I SIGN UP FOR THIS KIND'A WORK????????????????????????????????

[tkitty]

I did not know that an hour was consider a marathon, it takes me 30 to 45 min of good oral sex to get me going, I’m lucking that my hubby takes the time even if it is an hour to get me revved up.

[ladylove]

Update on this thread. I am not sure exactly when the change started but for several months she has not had trouble reaching an orgasm. About 15 minutes of oral sex is all it takes now. And she says her orgams seem stronger. She makes me stop because she doesn't think she can handle a second one. Well one night after a big 'O' I paused briefly then I dove back in and she came almost immediately and then came again before begging me to stop. She did have to change meds from Ambien in May since it stopped being effective. I thought it was her meds but we didn't want to change anything that was working.

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement.

Glad to read everything is working out for you.

[harmanwk]

Kitty,

I consider a marathon as over an hour of oral sex. By this time my jaw is sore, my legs asleep and my tongue worn out. There were several occasions where after over an hour of oral sex she would have me stop because she was getting raw. She would come close several times, but no big O.

We did have a first the other night. After about 15 min of oral sex she started moaning with noticable sighs. This surprised me since it is the first time she has made any noticable moan or verbal expression other than telling me "Don't stop." That really encouraged me to go for it. As a result she had a double play (two orgams). She didn't think she could survive a third and stopped me. Personally, I think she is giving herself permission to let go, even if it is somewhat of an unconscious decision. Doors keep slowly opening wider and wider.

"Never give up! Never surrender!"