Are You Capable Of Separating Love From Sex?

[webbabe]

for me, i am not capable of seperating the two. which is why ill never have a threesome with hubby. i know men can but i couldnt imagine. i have learned that when your married you have to gaurd your heart because you will meet people you could spark with. i just dont let it go anywhere, and hubby is the same way. these things dont just sneak up on people , they let it happen.

im sorry for what your going thru.

[LilGreenPuffer]

Dude, go sink yourself into some strange!

I know that sounds crude, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!

Just use protection and don't fall in love right away.

Not necessarily.

[ladylove]

Dude, go sink yourself into some strange!

I know that sounds crude, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!

Just use protection and don't fall in love right away.

Although I would agree some people will sleep with someone in order to get over the current flame, I don't necessary think it's in the everyones best interest to do so. Sometimes it can make a person miss the other more, or it can turn into a self destructive behavior among other things.

[lovelikelightning]

imnosaint,

These developments in your life are terrible, and though I don't know you I'm very sorry that you have to go through them. It sounds like you're dejected and lost. You feel like you've been betrayed and something precious has been taken away from you. You mentioned that you think you're too old to deal with the stress produced by this situation.

You know what I think? I think you're too young to let yourself get swallowed up by this.

It sounds to me like you're someone with nothing to lose, and though it might be a low point in your life, I guarantee you're more dangerous than you've ever been. You're dangerous to everything that has ever held you back from being exactly the man you've always wanted to be. I'll bet you're angry at this guy and at your wife for everything that's happening right now. Become something so beautiful that either one of them would be ashamed to look at you. You could be a goddamned super hero. Dedicate your life to helping others, those who are less fortunate. Winter is coming, help hungry people eat and cold people get warm. What's a personal trainer going to look like next to that?

So what if he's in good shape? He's six years older than you are, start working out diligently and you could look like an Adonis in six years. You have so much time to become extraordinary. Paul Newman didn't start his charitable "Newman's Own" branch until he was 57 years old. By the time he died that organization had raised over a quarter of a billion dollars for charity. Sure he was famous, but you don't have to be famous to change someone's life for the better.

You lost something important, but you also lost something heavy. Get rid of the rest of whatever's weighing you down. Don't waste another second of your time on NCIS or CSI or Law and Order. Turn off "Nothing but a Miracle" and start listening to Saul Williams's "List of Demands." You could be a machine, a beacon of all the best things. Right now you might be motivated by hurt and spite, but once you become what you're capable of being you won't even want to make them jealous (even though they will be). You're going to want what you deserve, and the better you make yourself the more you'll know just how much that is.

You can come out of this a much stronger man. I know I've never met you but I believe in you. Good luck.

[ladylove]

imnosaint,

These developments in your life are terrible, and though I don't know you I'm very sorry that you have to go through them. It sounds like you're dejected and lost. You feel like you've been betrayed and something precious has been taken away from you. You mentioned that you think you're too old to deal with the stress produced by this situation.

You know what I think? I think you're too young to let yourself get swallowed up by this.

It sounds to me like you're someone with nothing to lose, and though it might be a low point in your life, I guarantee you're more dangerous than you've ever been. You're dangerous to everything that has ever held you back from being exactly the man you've always wanted to be. I'll bet you're angry at this guy and at your wife for everything that's happening right now. Become something so beautiful that either one of them would be ashamed to look at you. You could be a goddamned super hero. Dedicate your life to helping others, those who are less fortunate. Winter is coming, help hungry people eat and cold people get warm. What's a personal trainer going to look like next to that?

So what if he's in good shape? He's six years older than you are, start working out diligently and you could look like an Adonis in six years. You have so much time to become extraordinary. Paul Newman didn't start his charitable "Newman's Own" branch until he was 57 years old. By the time he died that organization had raised over a quarter of a billion dollars for charity. Sure he was famous, but you don't have to be famous to change someone's life for the better.

You lost something important, but you also lost something heavy. Get rid of the rest of whatever's weighing you down. Don't waste another second of your time on NCIS or CSI or Law and Order. Turn off "Nothing but a Miracle" and start listening to Saul Williams's "List of Demands." You could be a machine, a beacon of all the best things. Right now you might be motivated by hurt and spite, but once you become what you're capable of being you won't even want to make them jealous (even though they will be). You're going to want what you deserve, and the better you make yourself the more you'll know just how much that is.

You can come out of this a much stronger man. I know I've never met you but I believe in you. Good luck.

An inspiration to everyone.

[imnosaint]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your support.

Going through tough times right now.

The hardest I've ever had in my life.

I'm still trying to feel for what she wants to get out of this.

Sometimes I fell like it's her way of facing her midlife crisis.

But I'm going through it too and I have no one to be there for me.

She begs me to stay everytime I say it's time to go separate ways.

I want to start being happy again but at the same time, I find it very hard to walk away from 24 years of friendship. I am to say the least confused. It is very open ended now, I have already talked to her parents and told them that we might part. They we're devastated. They were worried and hurt for me more than her.

It felt nice but that's all it was, feeling nice at the moment.

[LilGreenPuffer]

Maybe a temporary separation would help - time alone to think things through - even just a weekend, a mini-vacation at separate locations for reflection. One of you could spend the weekend crashing at a friend's place.

[sass]

Have you looked into or thought about marriage counseling? I am not generally a great proponent of counseling but if you suggest it and she isn't game to try - could tell you something. Or, if she is, same thing - at least it shows you she hasn't given up. And if you can find a qualified marriage counselor, it might really help. There is no shame in asking for some help.

Good luck.

[Cyn]

Yeah me too.  Especially when my life has similarities.

[Cyn]

I agree. There's a line that couples shouldn't cross.  The problem is there doesn't seem to always be a warning signs until it's already crossed.  That or its not big enough.

[Tyger]

I reread this whole thing. Wow. Yeah, I wonder what happened. I'm assuming they divorced. Once one person gives up, it's just a matter of time.

This is a good lesson to some though. If you don't want to know an answer to a question, don't ask it. If they were such good friends, I'm sure she would've told him at some point that she had sometimes wondered about other guys, but glad she was with him, or something to the like.

Not trying to sound negative, but sometimes, some doors need to remain shut.

As far as the distancing thing goes, I totally get that. She spent a great deal of time with a nice looking guy that was encouraging her, pushing her, and doing physical activities with her. Pushing her limits, and complimenting her. Paying intense attention to her that she probably hadn't had in a while. It's natural to develop a crush in that situation. I mean, families can and do have a tendancy, at times, to take each other for granted, or just get caught up in the family life, forgetting to make time for the husband and wife aspect of the family.

And if the husband felt like the trainer was such a threat in the beginning, why didn't he join himself, or ask her to go elsewhere or get a female trainer? I'm not fully blaming him, however, if he saw the signs very early on, then opened the curiosity door with her, by asking her if she'd want to sleep with someone else, well.......yeah, it's not like he didn't have an inkling as to what was happening.

 

As to the original question: Can a woman have sex and separate love/sex?

Yes, they can. I too am proof that they can.

I will say that if a woman has sex with the same man over and over, even with the understanding that it's just sex, she probably will develop some feelings for the guy (like I did). I was smart enough to separate myself from that situation before I got hurt though.

I'm thinking now, after all of these years, that he and I were both too stubborn and scared to admit that it was turning into more than sex between us.

[Wisconsin Cougar]

I am new here and am interested in sharing some of my experiences. This past year has been very interesting to say the least. My husband whom I have been married to for 30 yrs invited one of his friends over for drinks and cigars. When I asked if I could hang with them they said sure, I found a cigar that I like smelling when the hubby is smoking it poured myself some Scotch and they taught me how to enjoy the combination. After awhile talk turned little dirty so we decided to play truth or dare. But 1st I suppose I should set the scene We are in our mid 50's but still in great shape, My husband is 6'1 200 pounds with a great package below the belt. His balls are always clean shaven and the rest is always neatly trimmed. My I'm 5'6 110 pounds small tits and I too am shaved clean down stairs. For years after our kids were grown and gone, he has been trying to get us hooked up with others for just sex. So during the game He asked me if Allen dropped his pants would you suck his cock. I admitted that I love the act of sucking and that given permission I would. He said you have my blessing so I dare you, Aleen got up and unzipped and I was pleased to see that he was roughly the same size as my husband. 8 inches of thick cock that made wet so wet I couldn't wait to taste his cock. I let it slide deep into my throat while my husband grinned and winked at me to keep going. I have never had sex outside our marriage but that looked like it was about to change. After I pulled off his cock he didn't bother putting it away. My husband was sporting a massive hard on and took off his shorts and I gladly swallowed him while Allen got naked and started rubbing my ass and he asked if he could touch my pussy and all I could do was moan and nod yes. As he fingered me and felt how wet I was I stopped the whole thing before things got out of hand and said if we are going to do this I don't want my couch messed up. So we went to the bedroom and we all got naked and we had a wild time to say the least. However it wasn't until we were all done that I learned that my husband and Allen were not only close friends but sexually good friends. Then I had to admit that I was quite close to a girlfriend and after I said that it was like a switch went on and Allen said would you like to see how a man sucks cock I nodded and giggled as he started licking and sucking my. husband until he was rock hard and seeing that, I have never been so turned on as I was that day. I watched them 69 for a while and they invited me over to play so I did. I have never been fucked and sucked a cock at the same time, it was amazing. Since the 1st of the year we have had the pleasure of meeting like minded couples and entertaining them. Now we have an open marriage and trust me we have always had a strong relationship and now we are closer than ever. I am now free to explore others and he as well but we alway come home and its been great. As I said, we are in our 50's and his sex drive was diminishing some, but now its like he's  21 again. I feel like the sexiest woman alive as I find that it makes me feel good that even younger men in their 30's want to bed me. Watching my husband screw other women is a huge turn on for me and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Last weekend my husband and Allen went fishing up north and so I had the whole house to myself. Earlier in the week a nasty storm blew through and broke a picture window so my husband ordered a new window and the installer arrived to install it. Once I saw it wasn't going to be some bent over old man but a very hot looking 30 something. As he installed the window which took a couple of hours I had time to shower and slipped into my favorite summer dress a thigh high dress that when I am bent over reveals the play pen. After he was done he put his tools away and came back inside so I could pay the bill. He said he couldn't wait to get home and crack a cold beer as this was his last job for the day. I offered one and he said sure, I walked over to the fridge and bent over as I knew he was watching me and as I bent over I could hear him gasp and I smiled and turned around and smiled and said, like what you see? He said who wouldn't? When I am all horned up I get what I want so I walked over and gave him the beer and I asked him if I could see his hand, he gave it to me and I guided it to my pantyless bottom and he felt how wet I was. I said you aren't going to leave me here this way are you, he got up put his arms around my ass and said he has been half hard all day since he got here. He pushed up against me and I could feel he was rock hard, he asked if he had time to shower and I said no I need it now. So I unzipped him and dropped his pants to reveal one of the biggest cocks I have ever seen. His girth and length was such that I could not swallow his whole cock. Directly offf the kitchen is the spare bedroom and I walked him in there and we got busy I could believe it was almost to big for me but I put on my big girl pants and relaxed and rode him hard and as he began dumping his load I could feel his throbbing cock unloading he rolled over as I licked his cock clean and he left. The next day when my husband came home I told him about my afternoon with the carpenter and he got all excited and he stripped me right in the kitchen and we went at it hard. I really enjoy our new found freedom to enjoy sex and be able to tell him when I do, he does the same for me. 

 

[Tyger]

Very hot story WC. Thanks for sharing.

[Kama]

I have a question for others.

 

Would you say that an emotional connection can still be different from falling in love? I experienced emotional attraction to former sex partners, but I wasn’t in love with them. Falling in love to me is something on a very different level. I may have kept my guard up with certain sex partners. 

[Wisconsin Cougar]

This is an age old question for couples who maintain open marriages. I for one can honestly say that the love of my life is my husband of 30 years and we enjoy lots of quality time together. When we opening discussed sex with others thats all it is sex. When i'm getting laid by one of my regular friends its all about safe sane sex. I don't kiss the men that i play with. Its all about getting me and him off. When i need some sexual relief during the day,  i send a text to one of my regulars, he comes in finds me in the bed we 69 for a while sometimes i swallow his cum and other times he fills my pussy with his cream. The whole encounter last 30 minutes or so and he leaves me to carry on for the day. My husbands best friend is a frequent visitor as i know he gets nothing at home and i happily help him release his sexual frustration. When my husband travels he knows i am in good hands, as he will visit me daily before work and sometimes he will stop by after work and he knows i am always willing to take care of him. So for me sex is just just and nothing more, i fuck other men but make love to my husband. I know it sounds course but thats the way we roll. Its no different for him as he just wants to empty his nuts and that what its all about.  

[Erosattheback]

Without question I can separate love and sex. I’ve had several play partners over the years. I have a couple that I play with a few tomes a year. We are good friends, great lovers, but not in love. 

[Sunshine Sam218]

No I don't think I can separate the two after my experience. Feeling's were still there for my ex boyfriend and things ended up getting way too messy. I was still in love with him and having sex with him was a huge mistake, so I don't think I can separate the two. Lesson learned.  

[RC4BLUE]

Separating sex and love can be difficult for some people. It gets more complicated when there is a close relationship or a relationship where the two people have been close and are now separated. Old feelings arise and take hold. For others sex is sex, is sex. And love is something very different. Each person has their own journey to discover what is right for them. Sex as play can be fun. Sex with connection can be warm. Sex with love can be comforting. Of course there is so much more in can be in each case. Personally I prefer sex with a connection. It feels more satisfying for me. Does this mean love? Not necessarily. It also isn’t sex for the sake of sex. I would love to be in love. Until then....

[Wisconsin Cougar]

This is an interesting topic, when my husband and I decided to open our marriage to others we set upon certain rules that dictate our behavior, with that said we enjoy the comfort of others without sacrificing our love for each other. Separating sex and love is paramount if a couple decides to be in an open relationship. Of the men that I play with there is not anyone that I would want to spend my life with. My sexual proclivities involve getting off and no other feelings are involved. I love men and sex, I am only human and enjoy the feeling of a man. My loyalty is always with my husband but he too understands my needs. It works for us but may not work for others. Being a woman of 56 years old I am always happy when a man wants to bed me, age I suppose creeps in there that we want to somehow retain out youth. I am totally in love with my husband and would never even consider spending my life with any other. We have learned over the years to separate sex from love. 

Even after 33 years of marriage we still have great sex, but I am in private very needy when it comes to sex and my husband knows that when I bed other men it’s all about the sex nothing more. When we have our regular 3somes with his friend, I am in heaven knowing that this ol body still makes a man hard.  

[Amy D]

On 1/9/2018 at 8:26 PM, Kama said:

I have a question for others.

 

Would you say that an emotional connection can still be different from falling in love? I experienced emotional attraction to former sex partners, but I wasn’t in love with them. Falling in love to me is something on a very different level. I may have kept my guard up with certain sex partners. 

I think so.  I've been infatuated with men before, which I consider an emotional connection.  But I knew it wasn't love. 

[Wisconsin Cougar]

I for one can tell you that our select group of like minded friends all appreciate that they can come over for a booty call and that’s all it is, a couple hours of stress relief. My regular lovers are just that regular, they don’t get what they need at home and I provide the service to maintain their sexual sanity. Some people who think they are the morality police often look down on women like me. It boils down to the fact that my husband knows and allows me to play and I allow him to play within our close knit group of like minded friends. 

As a ageing women, I appreciate and admire the men who want to bed me, As a grandmother, wife and loyal servant to the community locally no one knows what I do privately. We live in a very rural area which doesn’t allow prying eyes. Since we also board horses here it’s not uncommon to see many vehicles parked in the barnyard. That being said I have been laid in the barn and almost caught when a bourder comes to visit their horse. My sexual proclivities knows no bounds, I love sex and everything about it. The men I service are very careing, kind and most of all clean and grateful to have someone they can comfortably play with. 

Like my husband always says, I have a body that was made to make a man feel good, I am a very small petite women standing 5’3 tipping the scale at 110 lbs long flowing auburn hair, and yes my pussy is also auburn. My guys like my bushy pussy so I need not keep it shaved , just trimmed and ready to rock. I admire a mans dick like some admire a painting , cocks are a work of art that I can’t get enough of. Make no mistake, I absolutely love sucking cock, every one of my regular men all taste a little different and all of them cum differently as well. Some are very vocal while some just moan. More often than not I normally suck and swallow their loads before actual sex, because once their dicks are in me I want a long ride. I too enjoy the pleasure of another women’s touch, like Chris says sometimes it takes a man to suck his dick just right, well sometimes it takes a women to eat my pussy just the way I like it. 

One of my husbands kinks is he loves eating my pussy after another man has dumped in me, the other day he came home at 530 and he said so what time did you get laid , I said I think around 130 and he reached under my skirt and fingered my well fucked pussy smelled his fingers and was instantly hard and not only licked my fuck box but sucked out as much as he could before sliding his fat 8 inch cock balls deep fucking me like a whore bent over the table or couch . It’s not often that he cums in me, he loves it when I swallow his cum and I will admit it’s my favorite as well. But that’s OK as others loves to cream my honey hole. When we are having a 3some, I absolutely love it when I see him swallowing his buddies dick and swallowing his cum, damn it’s so damn sexy . Well it’s early Sunday morning, Hubby is up north hunting and Tim just arrived for a morning romp in the hay, have a great day people. 

[Wisconsin Cougar]

Some has posted asking how can I separate love from sex, let me clarify. I have been married for 33 years, I love and adore my husband. It is and has always been a loyal and prosperous relationship. However as we got older we relaxed our sexual commitments and opened our bed to others and may I say it has been a lot of fun. It may sound hippacrittacal but we enjoy our sex lives with others. Sex to me is just that sex, there are no feelings other than the sex act. Chris knows I love getting laid and he doesn’t care as long as I’m safe and enjoy myself. He too enjoys sex with others and doesn’t change our feelings towards each other. 

It is the highlight of my day when when I satisfy a man who isn’t getting what he needs at home, Chris encourages my desires and often participates. What most people don’t understand is sex is part of human nature and when women refuse to satisfy their mates then there are women such as me that loves taking care of their needs. Some call me a slut, whore but whatever some choose to call me I am at the end of the day their hero. I don’t bed anyone that my husband doesn’t know, and when I am leaking another mans cum I tell him who’s it is.

We keep no secrets from each other, in fact we often let each other know who and when we are with someone else. He knows as I do that when opportunities present themselves we act on them. Bottom line is I love sex and crave it, I love a mans dick and earn my reward when I swallow his dick. I have no remorse to my proclivities towards sex. There are 6 men that I entertain and all are in the same boat, sexless marriages. 3 of them are regular participants in our 3somes and those encounters are freaking awesome. I for one enjoy our 3some encounters, getting a cock shoved in my wet pussy and sucking a cock at the same time is something I not only enjoy but crave. But what makes everything more enjoyable is knowing my husband is enjoying the same thing I am. 

  

[saltybear]

Awesome to be totally open. We're made to enjoy using our genitalia for pleasure.

 

[cirrus20]

I can definitely separate love from sex but my wife cannot.  So while I would like sex with an FWB because my drive is still there, I cannot.

[DewMan@1961]

On 6/20/2021 at 11:58 AM, Lady said:

There is definitely a difference between love and sex.  If you’re horny and you meet up and take care of your needs it’s definitely sex.  When you’re done you go home. But when you love and have sex it definitely is different.  You have feelings for that person and you spend time with that person.  You make love with that person.  I think that is the best sex of all cuz you connect with that person.  Sure we  all like sex but if we don’t connect -it’s just sex. FWB is convenient to take care of our needs.  You tend not to have a long session.  I like to spend an afternoon experiencing every inch of someone’s body and touching every inch.  I like a total experience.  That person may not be in love with me but they know how to treat and respect me.  They love me for who I am and we can enjoy incredible sex

Well said Lady. Dewey and i love each other very much and I would never leave him. Yes we do make love when we are alone together. But we also have sex life's. When we get together with my two sisters and their husband's and others !! There are a lot of different in making love and having sex!! But I have to say that they both are very awesome to have