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Who Gets To Decide When?


mystofpric

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So today I was sexting with B and he asked for pics and video of my anally pleasuring myself. Now, he and I haven't crossed that threshold, but I have in the past and i enjoy anal play on my own. But I guess i got camera shy cause I tried and it wasn't working. I have to be really turned on for it to just go in, let alone be any fun. So i told him I couldn't and he kept asking me to try, for him. Now this sounds like a douche move, but he has NO anal experience at all and doesn't understand that it doesn't work every time, especially for someone who doesn't play often. So I eventually got myself worked up enough and did it for him, but all he could get was pictures and he was happy with that. Me? Not so much, I kind forced it and it was not comfortable. Needless to say, he's not getting that tomorrow! ;) But my question is this, who gets to decide when anal play is allowed? The man or the woman? Or to put it better, the giver or the receiver?

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So today I was sexting with B and he asked for pics and video of my anally pleasuring myself. Now, he and I haven't crossed that threshold, but I have in the past and i enjoy anal play on my own. But I guess i got camera shy cause I tried and it wasn't working. I have to be really turned on for it to just go in, let alone be any fun. So i told him I couldn't and he kept asking me to try, for him. Now this sounds like a douche move, but he has NO anal experience at all and doesn't understand that it doesn't work every time, especially for someone who doesn't play often. So I eventually got myself worked up enough and did it for him, but all he could get was pictures and he was happy with that. Me? Not so much, I kind forced it and it was not comfortable. Needless to say, he's not getting that tomorrow! ;) But my question is this, who gets to decide when anal play is allowed? The man or the woman? Or to put it better, the giver or the receiver?

There is no one person who should be deciding anything when it comes to sex. Both parties have to be comfortable and willing for whatever is being done whether giving or receiving. If you don't, there is no mutual trust, no trust no comfort, no comfort no real pleasure. Sex requires communication but no one really thinks about that part of it because we all really like to get down to the actual act. Talk first, that's what flirtations and teasing are about...to feel each other out BEFORE you feel each other up.

Randy.

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There is no one person who should be deciding anything when it comes to sex. Both parties have to be comfortable and willing for whatever is being done whether giving or receiving. If you don't, there is no mutual trust, no trust no comfort, no comfort no real pleasure. Sex requires communication but no one really thinks about that part of it because we all really like to get down to the actual act. Talk first, that's what flirtations and teasing are about...to feel each other out BEFORE you feel each other up.

Randy.

I like how you worded that !! That sums it up perfectly !! Yes, I agree-- it is something you need to talk about first. However---the times that my husband has inserted something anally in me (toy, finger etc.... ) has been kind of unexpected.....not so much with the toys as sometimes I will have them out just prior to our playing in case we want them. But sometimes he surprises me by inserting his fingers anally in me . I have to be very, very comfortable and ready in order to truly enjoy it. It's not something I want to do (or can do ) all the time. We've been together a long long time so we have already discussed this.

Last week I surprised HIM as I mentioned in a previous thread. I've been trying and trying to get him to let me insert my fingers in his ass. It was unexpected and I hadn't planned on doing it. I think if I had told him prior to doing it--well he would've been nervous and it wouldn't have happened. He actually enjoyed it but it was a heat of the moment thing for him I think.

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You need to talk about it, but: Your body your choice, period.

Never feel forced to do anything, it will only create resentment in the long run.

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There is no one person who should be deciding anything when it comes to sex. Both parties have to be comfortable and willing for whatever is being done whether giving or receiving. If you don't, there is no mutual trust, no trust no comfort, no comfort no real pleasure. Sex requires communication but no one really thinks about that part of it because we all really like to get down to the actual act. Talk first, that's what flirtations and teasing are about...to feel each other out BEFORE you feel each other up.

Randy.

I like how you worded that !! That sums it up perfectly !! Yes, I agree-- it is something you need to talk about first. However---the times that my husband has inserted something anally in me (toy, finger etc.... ) has been kind of unexpected.....not so much with the toys as sometimes I will have them out just prior to our playing in case we want them. But sometimes he surprises me by inserting his fingers anally in me . I have to be very, very comfortable and ready in order to truly enjoy it. It's not something I want to do (or can do ) all the time. We've been together a long long time so we have already discussed this.

I was speaking more of in the heat of the moment, like Wendy, we've discussed this and it is something that I am open to trying with him, but also like Wendy I can't do it all the time or at the drop of a hat (or pants as the case may be). I guess i meant more of in the heat of the moment, who gets to decided, the pitcher or the catcher? For me, its got to be me who has the final say. If I'm not ready for it, there is nothing getting in there unless you want to cause some serious pain.

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Again, I will say that you're already aware of what the other person is throwing out there with flirtatious comments and other conversations you have outside of the bedroom. Still, I will say that both people have to be within the moment and comfortable with what is happening. If someone is just going along against their better judgement to make their partner happy then like was mentioned, there will be resentment later when 'the heat of the moment' is gone and reality sits in.

Randy.

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I think it has to be the "catcher", really anything with sex has to be. With that being said, my partner knows I enjoy anal and it is not unheard of for me to feel him leaving one hole and moving toward the other without us having really discussed it. At that point, I can say no if it's not something I want for whatever reason. Sex should be enjoyable and a total anal surprise is not typically enjoyable.

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Ironically tonight we did discuss him catching and thankfully we both agree its not for us. If he was really into it and it was something he really wanted, I'd do it for him, but thankfully, I don't have to. He also found out the hard way, why I said no yesterday. He was really hoping that tonight he'd be able to go for the back door and i explained that since I pushed to get him pictures yesterday i'm still tender and he can't have it. I don't think he'll be doing that again any time soon. ;)

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I feel it is combined. There are times he would like it but by knowing me he knows if it is too soon or not. I need to be very turned on. Occasionally it doesn't work but for the most time it does. To me it is based a lot on trust as well.

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I will alway ask if she wants to play. Most of the time I leave the decision to her. I am so open about sexual behavior that I am usually willing to try anything. As a result I have always looked for consent before proceeding to any new behavior or activity. I never want to make someone uncomfortable with any behavior, so I may ask and it is up to her to say yes or no. Usually if she asks to try something I say yes with very, very few exceptions.

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