Jump to content
Official Community Forums Home

Initiating Sex


Recommended Posts

  • Members

In other threads sometimes the topic of who initiates sex more often in a particular relationship comes up.

So I got to thinking about my own situation and who initiates and how. And it made me chuckle, because I realized it usually boils down to this: one or the other will simply say, "Tired?" and depending on the answer we either go at it or go to sleep.

If it's been awhile, one of us might instead say, "It's time," or "we should fuck tonight."

So, do y'all have a preferred method?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I usually initiate. I'm of the rub to relaxation and then go for the gold camp, I guess. Sometimes it backfires and I back rub her to sleep or get her too relaxed to be aroused.

Randy,.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ours is kind of the same as yours Square !!

One of us will usually bring up the subject in the same manner as you.

Last night we had gone out and were really in no shape for sex when we got home !!

I just mentioned to him that tonight we needed to do it . "Sunday night sex"... :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

"Sunday night sex"... :)

Can't send a man to brave a whole work week, without sunday night sex. It's unfathomable. :P

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

When FWB gets horny she starts hinting that her semen levels are getting low and I need to fill her up. It's always my pleasure. :) One time she did text me and say, "You need to get over here and fuck me."

One aspect of our relationship is that she likes to be subservient to me. It's a role she plays only with respect to sex, so I don't dare order her around over any other subject. :o About once a week I'll text her at work near quitting time and tell her, "I want you. Go home and prepare yourself." That usually results in some spectacular sex because it turns her on to be dominated and told what to do. She doesn't like it if I hint at wanting sex or ask her if she's up for it - she wants to be told I want her and she is going to please me. It's not something I've ever experienced before and I'm not yet totally comfortable with it (It's not my personality to be dominating, I look for consensus), but I kinda like it. B)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I initiate every single time. It has been that way for about 6 years now.

I'll typically express interest by caressing her with some progressively steamier kisses thrown in for good measure. I'll gauge from that if she's interested enough to respond or if she tells me she's too tired/headache/whatever. So far she's usually agreeable as long as I do most of the work.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I initiate every single time. It has been that way for about 6 years now.

I'll typically express interest by caressing her with some progressively steamier kisses thrown in for good measure. I'll gauge from that if she's interested enough to respond or if she tells me she's too tired/headache/whatever. So far she's usually agreeable as long as I do most of the work.

That used to be me. I don't know if women like that approach, never had any complaints before but I've felt rejected a lot. Now, my partner and I have been through enough in our lives to not beat around the bush about what we want. In a lot of aspects of our lives we've taken the attitude that we really don't have that much to lose, so go for it. We've gone beyond Emm's almost direct approach, "Are we going to fuck or not?" to saying, "I want you to fuck me." There is a lot of trust between us though. More than a lot of people have who've been together for years.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I would say my wife is the one who initiates sex. We use to do it all the time but over the last few years her sex. drive has gone down.

I could do it everyday and I use to try and initiate it but when she started losing her drive I kinda got tired of getting turned down.. I respect the fact her drive isn't as high as mine and when she wants to get it on she wants to get it on. I'm always ready.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That used to be me. I don't know if women like that approach, never had any complaints before but I've felt rejected a lot. Now, my partner and I have been through enough in our lives to not beat around the bush about what we want. In a lot of aspects of our lives we've taken the attitude that we really don't have that much to lose, so go for it. We've gone beyond Emm's almost direct approach, "Are we going to fuck or not?" to saying, "I want you to fuck me." There is a lot of trust between us though. More than a lot of people have who've been together for years.

Do you mean you were the one to initiate or were you the one being initiated with?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Do you mean you were the one to initiate or were you the one being initiated with?

The " I'll typically express interest by caressing her with some progressively steamier kisses thrown in for good measure" used to be the way I initiated sex. As I look back, it wasn't a great way to communicate, but I've never had anyone who was as open and honest about things as my current partner, so maybe it was the best I could do.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The " I'll typically express interest by caressing her with some progressively steamier kisses thrown in for good measure" used to be the way I initiated sex. As I look back, it wasn't a great way to communicate, but I've never had anyone who was as open and honest about things as my current partner, so maybe it was the best I could do.

I hear you. I'm still trying to get my wife to open up a bit about what she likes. I'm no communicator either though. Only recently have I made a real effort to let her know what I like and don't like. It's more an exercise in words however, since there are rarely deeds to go with them. Having a baby seems to make sleep a more valuable commodity than sex. :/

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I hear you. I'm still trying to get my wife to open up a bit about what she likes. I'm no communicator either though. Only recently have I made a real effort to let her know what I like and don't like. It's more an exercise in words however, since there are rarely deeds to go with them. Having a baby seems to make sleep a more valuable commodity than sex. :/

That's awesome that you've told her what you want. Keep trying to get her to open up about what she would like.

I think for some couples it just takes awhile to be comfortable enough to express what you want.

No--there's not much sleep with a baby in the house !!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kace, you're in a really tough part of life. Babies, job, house, food, clothing - and a strong libido screaming at you to ignore all that other stuff and let it out of its cage. One thing is your wife isn't going to open up much about what she wants until her libido starts screaming at her. If someone isn't thinking about sex it's hard to make them think about it. The drive is something you feel, not think.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That realization is slowly dawning on me. I wish libido was something I could consciously control as it can make it nearly impossible to concentrate on work. Biology is a bitch. :)

Does this libido mismatch and babies scenario ever resolve itself? I hear conflicting stories from other married couples. And there are LOTS of frustrated posts in forums all over the internet from couples (usually the male half) at their wits end after having no intimacy with their spouses for *years*. Scares the hell out of me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That realization is slowly dawning on me. I wish libido was something I could consciously control as it can make it nearly impossible to concentrate on work. Biology is a bitch. :)

Oh sure. If you have double hung windows you can raise the window, throw your pecker on the window sill and slam the window down on it. That'll take your mind off of sex for about 20 seconds. :lol:

Does this libido mismatch and babies scenario ever resolve itself? I hear conflicting stories from other married couples. And there are LOTS of frustrated posts in forums all over the internet from couples (usually the male half) at their wits end after having no intimacy with their spouses for *years*. Scares the hell out of me.

Just my opinion, but I think the best thing you can do is be the best partner you can be. A counselor once told me if everything else in the relationship is good, the sex will take care of itself. The biggest part of "everything" is honest communication. You have to constantly listen to her tell you how she is feeling about you, the relationship, the kids, etc etc - really listen - and do it a lot - like constantly, not in "sessions." After she's reassured that you care about all aspects of her life, she'll be more receptive to having a conversation about how the two of you feel about sex.

In general women connect everything in their lives to everything else. It's like they're caught in a spider web of life. Pull on their security string and it will affect their sex string, etc. So you have to make sure she feels loved, secure, important to you, and a bunch of other stuff before she'll feel horny for you. We guys can compartmentalize. Lenny Bruce said, "A guy can be in a bad accident, blood everywhere, broken bones, but in the ambulance on the way to the hospital he'll make a pass at the nurse." It's almost automatic for us to put the baby, the job, the dirty dishes out of our minds and think about pussy. Life has to get pretty rough for us before we forget about sex, women have a lower threshold of distraction.

If you hang on through the first few years and don't pile your life full of other stuff in the meantime, your sex life can be spectacular. I'm 61 and I have more enjoyable sex more often than at any time in my life.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh Sunday well said. Yes us females tend to keep the world going while the men just want to.....

With that being said here is a snipet into my life. I was 21 when I got married never had sex before I met my hubby. (he is 5 years older) He had lots of partners so I figured he would teach me a lot. NOT. I have never had my hand slapped so much. Talk about never wanting it. I tried all sorts of things, well maybe not all sorts. Went 15 years with nothing. So here we are 30 years later (one child, 4 affairs,) Now we have sex, (drunk and disorderly) maybe once a month. And he wants it really rough. Been watching too much porn thinks that's how it's done. So I have taught myself, with the help of toys, how to enjoy the physical aspects of sex. But I am craving the emotional. Our life outside of the bedroom is GREAT. that's why I am still here for those wondering.

So who is initiating....me....but always get my hand slapped.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sunday---what an awesome response !!!! You are so right. I had forgotten also, that when I didn't want sex AT ALL from my husband--I had no interest in anything---I didn't care to express what I was feeling, and I certainly didn't talk about what I really wanted sexually. We had gone through a lot as I mentioned previously on the boards. I don't know if that is the case here, or if it's simply due to stress--work----and yes--BABIES....LOL.... Unlike women, men don't shut the sexual part of their brain off !!

Fly--you and I are a lot alike. I had lots of resentment very early on in our marriage. This resulted in the affairs I had. Unlike your husband, mine was never rough but I certainly felt very disconnected for a long, long time. You have stayed with him in spite of all you've been through. I think at some point you have to look out for yourself. You are here looking for answers, which is great !!! This website has helped myself and my husband TREMENDOUSLY. Does your husband know about the website ? It was awhile before I shared it with my husband. What surprises him, is some of the responses on here. He realizes that other people have the same issues as we do. It took a long time to realize that to have great sex IN the bedroom, you have to have a great connection OUTSIDE of the bedroom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Now we have sex, (drunk and disorderly) maybe once a month. And he wants it really rough. Been watching too much porn thinks that's how it's done. So I have taught myself, with the help of toys, how to enjoy the physical aspects of sex. But I am craving the emotional. Our life outside of the bedroom is GREAT. that's why I am still here for those wondering.

So who is initiating....me....but always get my hand slapped.

I don't want to make waves here, as it seems you found some peace with your situation. What is your definition of a "great" life outside the bedroom? I don't understand how life can be great in one aspect of your life together and so awful in another. If life outside the bedroom was what I call "great" you could talk about sex and tell him the things you tell us, if he was any kind of man he would make an effort to understand and change things inside the bedroom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

With me and my GF, its a give and take situation...

There are times when she is sleeping, and I gently begin caressing her thighs, her breasts, and inner thighs...This usually gets an appreciative response...

Other times, she has initiated sex while Ive been asleep, sometimes with my her licking and sucking on my Hardon, which also gets an appreciative response...

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 years later...
  • Members

WenWitch, you are courageous. Continue to be strong in yourself. I know how hard it is to trust your feelings when raised in the Bible Belt and the messages about sex that are proclaimed. Yet we are sexual beings and asking for or going after what we want sexually is a good thing. We are a being that seeks pleasure.

Now to answer the question. I will initiate sexual play often. I tend to always see the erotic. And I love it when the woman in my life initiates sex. I see her as being strong and self assured, going after what she wants. Nothing sexier than a strong woman.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
  • Review Team

Wen And I share initiating sexual activity and its real fun when we both get the urge at the same time cause that's when the toy boxes get dumped on the bed , Whooo Hoooo loads of fun

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
On Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 4:02 PM, Kace said:

I hear you. I'm still trying to get my wife to open up a bit about what she likes. I'm no communicator either though. Only recently have I made a real effort to let her know what I like and don't like. It's more an exercise in words however, since there are rarely deeds to go with them. Having a baby seems to make sleep valuable commodity than sex. :/

The baby can DEFINITELY take more effort and energy than sex. Especially if she's breastfeeding. The last thing a new mom feels is sexy when they've been up all night with a cranky baby that's probably peed, pooped, and barfed on them!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

With my GF, it's almost 50/50. I day almost,  because she tips the scale in her favor just a bit on the initiating. But it's really close.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • Members

Mostly I initiate and let it be known I don't want whiskey dick. After he is working hard on the chores, I'll hide his beloved Bourbon and when he wants to have a strong beverage and he finds the bar is locked up, he knows before a stiff drink, I need a stiff cock. No questions questions asked, he showered and takes care of business before any alcohol touches his lips. Beer don't count but once he gets started on Bourbon, forget it!!! His cock is as soft as a cloud. He is one of those mellow Whiskey drinkers and when he is drinking Bourbon, he brings out his Guitar and thinks he is Jimmy Page. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use & Privacy Policy