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Am I Broken?


Kandi000

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My psychriatrist suggested I have vaginismus, which from what I've read, it doesn't seem likely since I can have penetration..but the thing is...Sex itself, without clitoral stimulation isn't enjoyable...and while I'm having sex, there's this feeling, like I can't handle it, so I stop...but I'm wondering if that's what getting close to an orgasm feels like and I keep stopping it. And masturbation is a hassle, takes forever. I bought the butterfly kiss after reading great reviews. I was so excited. In fact, the idea of having a toy for the first time, got me more aroused than the toy did. What can I do? my skin isn't too sensative to touch and those 'arousal' lubes dont work (at least not the ones I've tried)

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From what i have experienced it could sill be the same thing. I am not a female, so keep that in mind, but my partner went through something very similar. During play there would be times where she couldn't handle it and she would push me away and ask me to stop. During penetration it was difficult and painful for her. The difference is that she could get herself off if i wasnt there. What we found works best is talking about what was causing it, and then working through that.

I dont know if youve had some sort of experience in the past, but the best advice i could give is to take some time to think through what may be causing this for you, is there something bothering you? Are you maybe afraid to have an orgasm? Sometimes our minds have strong impacts on our bodies, so they dont react the way we expect them to. It might even be worth getting a journal for yourself, and keep a record of when you try, how it made you feel, why you think it didnt end well.

On the other hand if this is something medical, i have never heard of it. But rereading your post. Sometimes when i get close to a really strong orgasm i do want it to stop because it feels like this wave of tension is about to hit me, and then when it does it hurts (from sensitivity) but it is still amazing. Also, as far as vaginal sex, a lot of women, especially when they first start having sex, do not enjoy vaginal penetration. My partner was not aroused or pleasured at all by it, and didnt tell me until about 3 months later. It took almost a year maybe a year and a half before she was continually honest enough to the point i knew what i was doing right and what i was doing wrong. Finally after two years it was at the point where i could get her to orgasm almost every time. If your partner isnt performing well enough, you might want to consider talking to them, letting them know that you need more clit stimulation. Its not something to be embarrassed about, its normal. You two could even do research together, find new techniques, or try new toys (like cock rings, those are amazing for clit action).

One final thing to note is that if youre stressed out during the masturbation, youre not going to enjoy it. Relax, take a nice warm bath, or play some nice music and lay in bed, whatever you do to calm down. Once youve relaxed fully, just play, not with the intention of getting off, but just of playing. Dont focus on if you are getting close, or if you are going to get off, just think about what movements feel good, and what ones dont. Experiment with it. Even if this doesnt get you off, repeating this might get you to the point that you can enjoy it and eventually have an orgasm. If i remember correctly from all the different posts ive read, a lot of women have the orgasm issue, you are not alone =) .

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So, I have some questions:

(1) have you HAD an orgasm? You indicate that masturbation takes forever, but not whether you have an orgasm.

(2) what type of feeling do you have that makes you want to stop. It is painful? Intense like a tickle? Some women have very prominent G-spots and the entire time they have sex they are working up to that orgasm and it can be very intense feeling.

(3) have you tried clitoral stim while you are having sex? There is no problem with doing so, and your partner should not be insecure regarding you doing this....

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Mike asked great questions, as always. Really think upon them before answering them, even if just to yourself. Just wanted to add a little nugget of info that may help ease your mind: about 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. So if you have been able to orgasm with clit stimulation, you are not alone. :-)

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Oh, and not every woman just cums all of the time, every time. Don't go by porn movies where girls orgasm all over the place. You're really young by your profile, you may need more time and experience to figure out how and what your body likes/prefers to orgasm alone & with a partner. :-)

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