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Thinking Of Joining The Dating World Again


RC4BLUE

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As many of you are aware I had a relationship end a few months ago. After more than 15 years with the same partner I am afraid that I am a bit out of touch. it has been over 9 months since I had a sexual playmate, and although I would like to have a playmate again I don't want one night stands. I need connections with the person I am going to be sexual with.

I have a very low online profile (mostly due to the type of work i have done for the past 20+ years). A am a bit hesitant to put a lot of identifying info out there due to the risk it might present (I have worked with very violent people).

So, my question: where do I start? I would like a partner that is educated, intelligent, liberal, open to new ideas, adventurous, independent, strong, and interested in a healthy sexual life.

I know it's not much to ask for (LOL). Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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There are several dating sites out there. A good one that my ex bro in law used was eHarmony. There are apps for smartphones such as Skout, where my sister met her Fiance. The main thing is to just get back out there. It's hard at first, doubts creep into your mind, your out of touch with the change in dating scenes. Its like a whole new world, but one that is fun to explore! You got this, just be yourself!

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I completely get that. I was out of the dating arena for about 10 years when I entered it again. Yes there are so many scary variables but I did get lucky as the person I did see out of the gate was so patient with me and that helped. We chatted for a while online before meeting and then finally after a month met for dinner. There are so many people out there that are wanting just one night stands and I am the same way. Just take it one step at a time. I created a separate email address just in case of someone that might not have been on the up and up. This way they didn't have my permanent one. Trust your gut.

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Thanks for the input. Any suggestions for off line?

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How about joining a hiking or cycling group? (I had some potentials from hiking club trips, though no actual successes. But I'm a social misfit, so if you have better social skills than me, you might have better luck.)

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Great ideas. I have been part of a cycling group for years. Unfortunately there are few women in the group.

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I'm on POF (Plenty Of Fish.com). You get to peruse the profiles, and contact those that interest you.

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I have heard good things about POF. Tyler, are you happy with the site?

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I am assuming you meant Tyger LOL!! Yes, I am happy with it. I've been communicating with one gentleman, and our first date is this Saturday. I'm not sure I'm overly ready, but it's nice to get out there. I've also messaged 2 other men tonight to see where it goes. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I do want to get out a bit more. There's no point in staying home every weekend. Texas is a big place, and I'd like to go and see more of it. I like how I can peruse the site, and look at their profiles & pictures before I reach out. I've had about 4 reach out to me as well. Only one I have given my number to. I'm nervous as hell and unsure of what to expect.

I think that all dating sites have pros & cons. Even that Christian site probably has assholes in it. So we'll see how it goes.

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Tyger best of luck on the date and with the others you are talking about. I remember how nervous I was when I first got out there but the nerves did subside and it was so nice to get out there and do for me for a change. Way to go. Enjoy it and time for you.

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Yes Tyger I was replying to you. It sounds like you are having cautious success. I am glad you are both open and taking things slow. I agree there are a number of people who may not be the best, but we, at some point, have to rely on out best judgement and intuition. Trust yourself first. Hope you have a fun date on Saturday.

I'm not sure if I am ready to be online yet, but will keep your encouragement in mind.

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I have recently found an interesting app that has been on the news. It is called tinder. It pulls from your facebook to verify you are a person. It will pull a pic and the information from your about me. It does not put anything on your facebook saying you are on tinder. You can edit what it brings over in the bio and the pics. It is neat. Only allows a couple of paragraphs and pics. People cannot just email each other. You select X for no or heart for yes. If you and the other person both select the heart then it will allow you to message each other. I have been checking it out lately.

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Hmmm, I may have to check that out too. Thanks for the information!! :)

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  • 2 months later...

I've only had one successful date that wound up being 4 dates, including meeting his friends, and him meeting my sister, and having him come over for dinner one day. The others fell thru. The one good one was from OKCupid. I thought the guy and I connected, but then he changed his mind, so I'm back to square one. I'm so tired of the games, already. I've had guys give me lame excuses on why they can't meet up, If you can't make it, please don't even bother making the date. It's a waste of time.

I really thought that the one guy I had a few dates with said he was "confused" and didn't want to string me along, though he said that he really liked me and that he wanted to try it out, but then he backed off 2 days later. Yeah, thanks. So, I'm fresh out of the gate, and already had a sprain.

On a good note, I will be trying again, though not so soon. I'll wait until I get back from my trip up home for a few days.

The thing is, is that why do men still do this? Play games, get a notch on their "belt", then drop you? I had a good vibe from this one, and he shit on me. I guess I wasn't ready to do this.

I'm not wanting to be a bitter bitch, or a man-hater, but with all these guys playing games, it doesn't make me want to trust much of anyone.

Anyone else feeling this way?

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I feel so bad for you. These so called men that have been a small part of your life seem to be more selfish than interested in a relationship. I wish more men in the dating game were more honest, up front and willing to risk intimacy. For some reason there are a number of men that just like the game of the "hunt" or the game of the "get" rather than seeking connection or love. I know many men like this.

I agree with you - stop with the lame excuses, lies, poorly thought out stories, and wasting time if you are not interested.

I have similar understanding with the world of meeting new people for possible relationships. The last two women I started to see both said that they were not ready to be in a relationship. One dropped me when she learned that I was not employed full time and am still looking for a new position in the work world. I started talking with a woman who told me I would be a great partner then stopped talking with me. One other woman turned out to be flat out crazy, demanding, and wanted to control everything - that was after seeing her twice. She scared me and made the whole idea of a possible relationship with her impossible.

Maybe I am just too nice of a guy. I am not looking for one night stands or to use women as objects of sexual desire. I want/need to respect the woman I am with, want all activity to be consensual, and have never liked games or drama. Last I get tired of the games and drama from the people I have been meeting.

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  • 3 weeks later...

RC, you need to move to Texas. ;)

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Oh how I wish, but I'm afraid Texas is not part of the current plan. Yet your words are most kind. Appreciate your compassion do I.

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Ok wow! I have been talking with and seeing a woman for a few weeks now. She's intelligent, funny, fun, and seems spiritual in a non religious way. Things were starting to get interesting then she lands this bomb on me. "Oh, by the way I'm married." WTF. At this point I am nearly running for the door. Thank what ever God you wish there was no sexual involvement yet. Last thing I want is to get in the way of a marriage. So, now I am asking what am I doing wrong? I seem to be in this loop where I am attracting the wrong women. So, it is time to take a break and re-examine my interest/attraction profile. I certainly do not want to keep doing what I am currently doing. My only down side is that it has been several months since I have been sexually intimate with another person. I find myself craving sex and sexual contact more than ever. I keep telling myself - hang on it will get better, but this feeling is not fading and I am increasingly more frustrated. I have always been a very sexual person and have a high desire. But I also want to protect myself so married women, one night stands, and stranger sex is just out for me.

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Hi here is some advice. No dating site is perfect, however this is the one my wife and I met on and worked for us. The other thing is it is totally free. The site is pof.com which stands for plenty of fish. They have a good number of members since it is free. What do you have to lose at least not money! lol

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  • 2 weeks later...

You did nothing wrong. I've had a few other men respond that are in relationships too. I've now put on my profiles that I do not want anyone that is either emotionally & legally tied with someone.

It's up to them to disclose.

When I went out with this one guy, I flat out asked him if he was involved with anyone, & will do so again. I'm also upfront with men and tell them I can no longer have anymore kids.

I'm 41. I'm no longer pussy-foot around with games on my part & they will know I won't tolerate any on theirs either, damnit!!! Now I ask that in our beginning conversations.

I've also responded to a few that have contact me that are totally out of my preference zone, whether it's age or status.

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I like your approach, up front, strait forward, and assertive. I did that with this last woman. Obviously she was less than honest about one big thing. Still, I am stepping back for a bit. I understand the kid thing as I am not able to get anyone pregnant even if I wanted to (there's a long story to that). But I still think there is something about what I am putting out there that I have to figure out.

For all of you who have most kindly offered POF as a possibility - thank you. Because of my past employment there are lingering issues with being on line with a personal profile. So I need more time before I will be able to go there. As a result I am meeting people through the old school way, face to face.

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I'm not sure you do any of the below, but I'm told that it's a great place to meet people:

Tennis courts

golf course restaurants

gym

grocery store

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Great suggestions although I've never had any luck at my gym. Maybe I need a new gym...

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  • 1 month later...

Let me just add that the rules for dating are sooooo different than they were even 10 yrs ago. It's hard to figure out. I'm interested in one guy, much younger than myself, & he seems to be interested in me at times as well. But I don't want to appear desperate or stalker like either. LOL The things that were taboo even 10 yes ago soon OK now. Ugh!!!!! What a pain this is. Why can't it be simpler and direct? No games, no disrespect, no immediate "let's fuck"?

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