Fear Of Loneliness

[RC4BLUE]

With the death of Robin Williams I started thinking. It now has been along time since I have been in a relationship. I have never been depressed in my life, but I am now fearful of going down that road. I have been finding myself feeling increasingly lonely. I have met several women, most have not worked out for a variety of reasons. I have felt myself slip recently and now fight for happiness when it used to be a given. I never thought I would be in this position in my life - underemployed, seeking work, not in a relationship, on verge of loosing everything, questioning myself and my next direction. On the plus side I have never been so creative. My writing has gotten better (in spite of my dyslexia).

[JnWputer]

You have to look with in and know you are special. You are incredibly talented when it comes to writing and I'm sure when all the things line up (Job, relationship, etc) you will appreciate all of it that much more. Make yourself a list......put things down in the order that you to get done. Spend your time focusing and accomplishing each one. It not about the past, you can not fix that. So don't dwell on that. It is about the present and how everyday is one.

[RC4BLUE]

I do look in. I am very familiar with who I am. Your words are kind. It is just the loneliness that is difficult. I have some great friends who truly care, but am devoid of a significant relationship with a wonderful woman. The longer I sit the more lonely I have felt. I am not dwelling on the past. I keep focused on what is next. I have a good understanding of my talents and skills. I know something will change. Still there are time I just need touch, warmth, tenderness and sexual intimacy. So today I will find happiness and walk with loneliness. I will find passion and long for touch. Maybe the hardest part for me now is the lack of touch.

JnWputer thank you for your words.

[JnWputer]

I know your pain.....be strong.....there's someone coming

[Tyger]

RC,

I know where you're coming from. I've been single only a year and a half, though I was lonely in my marriage for about 5 yrs. It makes you question what's wrong with YOU.

Well, I know it's NOT me, but who I've allowed in my life thus far. I've allowed men that will take advantage of me do just that. I've been single this long by choice. I KNOW I deserve better, and I won't settle for less. And I think you're probably in the same way of thinking.

Your writing is fantastic and impressive, and I would've never have known if you hadn't said anything, about being dyslexic.

Most people "get down" at least once in their lives. It's sad that Robin Williams went to the extreme that he did, tragic, and seems like a great waste, no matter who he was.

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I get that way sometimes too. I get doubts that maybe I'm not desirable anymore. Then I remember that I'm probably still desirable, but I do have a tendency to put off a "don't mess with me" vibe after years of practice and being married, and I do have tunnel vision, meaning when I go out, I don't really look around at the people around me, to see if I'm being checked out.

You are desirable too. I'd love it if you were in Texas!! Maybe your "vibes" that you send off is that you're just not fully ready for a relationship yet, and that's OK too. Getting back out in the dating world is scary and sometimes a pain in the ass. When you're ready, and least expect it, that certain special lady will appear. *hugs*

[RC4BLUE]

Tyger I am not surprised you understand. We seem to be walking similar paths. I have had many challenges in my life. I have come through them stronger and brighter. I know this will happen again. But now, I am challenged. The last years of my relationship were isolated, disappointing and frustrating. I know myself well enough to know that others find me desirable. But being desirable is different from finding connection. Connection has been more challenging as of late. I miss being touched, held and stroked. The physical loneliness has been more challenging that the emotional loneliness. Tyger I trust your words and appreciate your thoughts, thank you. I will choose to be happy each day.

[RC4BLUE]

It is Labor Day and summer is fading fast. I wish the loneliness would fade with it. I've been working hard at keeping it at bay. Some days it is easy others not so much. The lack of physical affection is having its toll. As of late it seems that everyone wants something from me but on their terms. I am tired of being the one who always has to bend around others. Lately my family has been demanding that I change my plans to meet their wishes with no regard to how much it impacts me. This has resulted in distance between us because my siblings always come first. I get - "you don't have anyone that we have to consider. It's not like you have a wife or kids, so it's easy for you." This is thrown in my face routinely. When I have tried to talk about how I feel, they tell me they don't want to hear about it, someone will come along, then focus on their family. Sorry to blow off here, just had to get it out of my head.

[square]

I think I can relate a little bit, though it's been a while. I used to get pretty down watching most people I knew find partners and get married to live happily ever after, while socially awkward me had trouble just getting a date or two. I found it helpful to focus on things I enjoyed doing that didn't require having a girlfriend along. Over the years, a very many of those happily-ever-after people ended up going through horrible bitter divorces, or ended up in loveless marriages. And several who are still married have said they would never get married again if they were to become single again. I suppose it's one of those "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" perception things.

Hey, look on the bright side; you don't have to deal with a mother-in-law.

[ladylove]

Live your life Wholeheartedly!

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

[RC4BLUE]

Ladylove that is a beautiful quote. Thanks.

[ladylove]

Ladylove that is a beautiful quote. Thanks.

Your Welcome. They are words to live by. I hope you can see your way threw to know you are 'enough'.

[michelleddd]

Keep getting out of the house, even if you have to force yourself. Do the things you love and maybe it will

sneak up on you. I was a widow for over two years and after some uneventful dating knew I was ready to

be with someone again seriously. It can be depressing when you know what you have to offer and no one

seems to see it.

Pursue your dreams and appreciate the do over! In hindsight the hardest things we face in life seem to come

with the greatest rewards.... eventually!

[RC4BLUE]

blonde... It is so nice to hear your voice again. Thanks for the encouragement. I keep getting out in some way or form, and will continue to do so.

[RC4BLUE]

I have been talking with this absolutely beautiful woman for a few weeks. She is super intelligent, strong, spiritual and passionate. We seem to have a great deal in common. Our relationship has not gotten physical. So here is my defficulty... She very recently ended an abusive relationship. He was verbally and physically abusive with her. I can not imagine doing that to a woman or anyone for that matter. But she has difficulty seeing herself as worthy with her history with this abusive history. I think I would like to move forward with her, but have my own reservations. Could this be a rebound or safety net relationship for her.

[JnWputer]

Talk to her.....open it up as a possibility and see if she responds to the idea of taking it further. If she has been abused you need to take it very slow. Ask first every step of the way.

[RC4BLUE]

This is going to be a very slow proses. I do not want to push anything,,or make her feel uncomfortable or threatened. She has had too much of that BS from a disrespectful man. I am giving her the lead. I want her to feel respected.

[RC4BLUE]

Ok, I've been out with the woman a few times now. We have talked much. We moved to some kisses and light caresses. She was getting comfortable, I think. Now her ex comes back making all kinds of statements - how sorry he is; how he's changing; how things will be better... She tells me she is going to give him another go. I know this is not uncommon for people in abusive relationships. It saddens me and frightens me (for her). I wish her the best. I haven't heard from her for a week and she has not responded to my last two text. I now will sit and see if she responds. I will not continue to send texts or call. I do not want to make anything worse for her. I just hope she will be safe and happy.

So I start again. The loneliness is hard, but manageable.

[JnWputer]

Probably she was from a broken home. When you have a lack of a male figure you tend to want a man that does not want you normally. So one that ignores you, hits you or can be verbally abusive things that you were used to as a sign of love as you were growing up. Is it correct no, but it is what you know and are used to.

I used to spend hours waiting for a married man, waiting for his call, waiting for him to show up, and in the end all I had was a lot of hurt......reflecting back I would says I was fighting for a love I would never have (a past forgotten but followed). I could very easily say it was because of my up bringing......but a lot of it was on me as well.

It was this endless search for a man to love to replace the man who did not love me.

hope that helps you understand a little better.

[RC4BLUE]

JnWputer thanks for your words. You are most kind. I do understand the process and haw someone goes back to the person who only wants th have power, control, and induce fear - all masked as love. My head knows this. My heart is not always in sinc with my head. I don't care who you are or what your history is you deserve kind love, real care and unconditional respect. So my heart breaks when I see someone return to an abusive relationship. I will be there to support her if she needs it. I have told her this. I don't care if the relationship grows into a love affair, rather I want her to be safe, secure, and to grow into the person she has the potential to be. For me, I will continue to move, grow and search for the woman that wants me while being strong and independent.

[RC4BLUE]

I do believe it is now pouring. After 10 1/2 months and several hundred resumes sent out I had an interview. I don't know why they called me in when clearly they saw that my skill was not what they were looking for. It was a two hour drive there and two hours back for a 35 minute interview. To top everything off the woman I met with last week tells me she is now engaged. I am so discouraged, depressed, lost.the first very helping feeling of loneliness is pulling at me. I miss being touched, cared for, feeling I have purpose and knowing my direction. I am working to keep my head above water. I just don't know how long I will be able to hold without a good job and a relationship.

[RC4BLUE]

Was I ever played. I got some clarification from the woman I went to meet last week. After what I thought was a wonderful long weekend, she now tells me it was a final fling before settling down. Up until Friday she had told me she was single. She apparently was less than honest. I became the last play before she get married, next week. If I had known I would have never gone to meet her. I am feeling rather foolish. As of now I am cutting all communication with her. If she was not serious about me or her pending husband I want nothing to do with a continued relationship. This does trigger my loneliness, feeling of be not good enough, and fear of being alone.

The job front is a killer as well. I know I have skills and talent, but those who are hiring see, to be hesitant to hire. I've been told by everyone, including potential employers how great my resume is, and how much skill I have. I am beginning to think my age is working against me. I get to send out another 30 - 50 résumés this week. Thank for listening... Just needed to vent.

[JnWputer]

Vent away we all need to.......the right everything is coming be patient. The job market just sucks right now. Head up, butt out and strut

[Tyger]

Absolutely!! Vent away!! We are here for you. Feel free.

I said it on the other post, but I think that people that have a fling before getting married aren't really ready for marriage. I think it's selfish and cruel to do to someone, if they pose as single and lead one on. I'm sorry that she did that.

Unfortunately, with the internet, the pool of people has gotten a lot larger, and it's harder and harder to find those people of quality. It's harder to see those that are players online, and it's near impossible to get a "vibe" from anyone when you're online. They pose as whatever they want you to see.

There are women out there that will be THRILLED to have you in their lives. There are many sites that are for dating, however, along with those, there are the good and the bad. It's harder and harder to find anyone. Looking is easy. I perused many sites and profiles. Sent many messages. I too got married dudes, guys looking to go swinging too. Crude? OMG!! One guy messaged me "do you like long black dicks?" Uh, really??

So, it's NOT you!! It really isn't. I sent out several messages, with very limited responses. There's always something. Some guys are looking for Barbies, some don't want to deal with one with a semi-young child, others just don't like the way I look, or even my "don't give me shit" attitude on my profile. I had several that said that they were kinda scared of me with how I worded things. LOL Well, then buh-bye!!! LOL There's no perfect person, however, it's all depending on what you will tolerate.

I really know there's someone out there for you. I, again, understand the lonliness thing. Just think of it this way, you're not lonely, you're selective. You know what you want, and you shouldn't settle for anyone less than what you deserve!!

[RC4BLUE]

Tyler I cant imagine yi words being frightening. I love the way you string words together. Thanks for your encouragement, yes I am selective but lonely too. The physical loneliness is the worst part. I long to be touched, caressed, loved. It is difficult at times. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were gay. I know many gay men that would be great partners. But alas I love women too much. I sometimes think I fall into the nice guy catagory. So I am a friend but not a lover.

[RC4BLUE]

I hate auto correct on my iPad. My last post is full of errors due to it. Tyger I am dumbfounded that anyone would be put off by your words.

I have been on a few dating sites for a little while now. Overall I am not impressed. It seems that there are many people who just want to chat/write messages. Others are less than genuine. Still others seem to be OK. No one wants to meet, which is unfortunate as I am much better at face to face conversation than the faceless words on a screen. I'll give it a bit more time.

To day I had to work and was send home early due to a lack of costumes. So I have the rest of the day to myself. Not meaning to whine but I wish I had someone to spend the day with.