Getting Past The Past

[Harpy6]

Is there some helpful ways to get past knowledge that affects your current relationship?

Here is my main problem. When my now husband and I were dating he told me he was bi-sexual and had done somethings with guys. He never dated any guys, but the thought has always been in the back of my mind that he is/has been looking around at guys. This is making exploring certain sexual experiences very unnerving for me.

Is there some way to get past these feeling and thoughts or ways to be more comfortable...? I feel like my metal barrier is going to eventually ruin our marriage.

Side not we have been married just about 4 yrs. And been dating just under 8 yrs.

[RC4BLUE]

Harpy this part of your life puts a new perspective on your situation. If you would, allow me to think about your words before I give a full response. Please do only what you are comfortable with until you can work through your concerns. I wish you peace.

[Harpy6]

Thank you. Just asking for advice. Any is appreciated

[RC4BLUE]

I have been thinking about what you have said. My first thought is the need for open and clear communication with your husband. If you have reservations you may need to tell him about those reservations. I would also suggest talking about your fears, need for commitment, need to feel safe and how you both can make your relationship better. I hope that he has taken his vow to you seriously. Unfortunately I know too many married men who play(both straight, bi, and gay). The only way I can see things getting better is by being honest with him, having and open dialogue and asking to work together to make the relationship there best it can be. Lastly, I'd suggest you not do anything that you are totally uncomfortable with until you feel safe.

[Tyger]

Now I am understanding a little bit more of your issues and insecurities.

I will say that it's great that your husband was honest with you about his past, which is great.

Most bisexual people will tell you, which I'm sure he has as well, that when they're in a committed relationship, that's the person they want to be with. Hopefully, he got all his curiosities out of his system. For him to commit to anyone, that's usually the case, so if he is with you, he chose you.

Does this mean he won't look? Well, be honest, do you still check out other guys? If you're honest, you will have said yes. If you're human, you look. Even the most happiest people in relationships, will still check out other attractive people. We're genetically geared to do so. So, yes, he may look at other guys. This can actually be fun if you let it be. Comparing notes, bonding, and having fun checking out other guys sometimes. You have to be secure to do this though.

He's told you about his past, which was awesome, But, keep remembering, it's in his PAST. If he wanted to be with guys, he wouldn't have married you. That speaks a lot about his commitment to you. Most men don't take getting married lightly.

Being in your early 20's can be an insecure time. At least it was to me. Over time, and reassurances that he's wanting to be with YOU will help. However, if you continue to dwell on his past (which, again, is in his PAST), and constantly wonder "what if", will not only drive you crazy, it will eat away at the foundations of your marriage. Trust me. Enjoy each other in the NOW. Leave the past in the past.

[RC4BLUE]

Tyger make good points. The 20's are a time of growth and insecurities. Sometime you just have to trust yourself, what you know and how you feel.