Can One Bad Thing Ruin Other Things For A While?

[Juniper]

So, since I've noticed a lot of people are a bit older and more experienced than me, I wanted to ask this. I've only had four relationships in my life. One good, two were good but turned bad and one really bad one.

The one good I can live with how it ended.

The one bad though, I feel like made me not trust people. Especially people I might have a relationship with. What happened was we started dating my junior year but then some family stuff happened and one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer (she's been cancer free for the past five years though) and we kind of had some distance put between relationship cause my phone at the time sucked. He thought I was through with him and I heard he was trying to get with another girl while at summer school. So we kinda ended it then about the end of my senior year he apologized and explained what he felt. I apologized for not being able to talk to him. We reconciled and started dating again. Then by our third semester at college together... Things started to go downhill. He started blowing off our breakfasts together and I admit I was working a lot to pay for college but it still seemed a little odd. Come February on Valentine's Day I actually wanted to do the whole "let's go out as a couple, have dinner, and maybe go see a movie see where the night goes... Well I got off work about two hours early cause we were slow and the manager saw how excited I was cause I had been making plans with him for most the day. I even had an outfit to wear that he would love. Then right about as I get done getting ready...he stops texting me. I call him. His phone goes to voice mail. I was hurt like it physically hurt that he had just decided to blow me off. My best friend took me to dinner and a movie and a friend of my ex texted her during that time telling him that my would be date texted him asking if he wanted to play games!! He asked him what I was doing and he told him I was at work. Then he just blew me off even more. He called me from another girl's phone saying his was broken. I finally had enough a couple weeks later. I broke up with him. He got angry and walked away. I headed to my car and he started texting me. Saying in basic wording that I was a bitch and that I shouldn't do this to him. I kinda fired back calling him a self centered dirt bag. After I get home call my friend and cry to her. He called me, saying he was sorry and that I was right and he wanted to talk. So I met him thinking we would talk but he got clingy and doing that passionate "I want to be with you" stuff. The kinda stuff that actually used to make me swoon. I told him I wanted to be done. I was tired of my heart physically hurting whenever he shrugged me off. So... About a month later I get called to the security office on campus since he was living in the dorms. I found out he slept with (as far as his roommate knew) several girls our first semester and even more our second. A girl he had been screwing was there with her boyfriend he had threatened cause he kind of started having this stalker "You're mine and no one else's" persona happening. She then asked if I knew about his sister committing suicide and I told her that he told me it was his mom who passed away but he didn't tell me that. Then they asked me something I had been dreaming he would do eventually; Did he propose to me? My jaw dropped as I shook my head. They told me what he had told them. He proposed on Valentine's Day but apparently I was such a bitch that I threw the ring in the gutter because I had seen him shirtless and on his back were scratches( from the girl who was sitting with her boyfriend outside the security office no less) so I knew he had been cheating. If my jaw could have dropped any farther it would have. If I could have cried I would have. At that point though... I was just dumbstruck. He had lied to me, everyone around and even backstabbed his friends. I found out he was into some kind of cult thing as well from the police officer who really read our text messages cause I let him after saying I was trying to end our relationship and that same cop also took a threat to that girl's boyfriend's life as nothing. In the end I don't see him around town and I certainly don't talk to him even when he messages me on facebook. Of course I also had a different friend pass away during this time so I was reaching a peak of stress. Cause that ex also didn't answer me if he would go to his memorial until the night before and when I told him the time it started and went til he said he didn't want to miss class. Which he never went to cause I told him to forget about going cause he'd been blowing me off for months now.

My last two relationships ended because I didn't feel comfortable enough with myself as who I was around them to actually relax. And I genuinely liked these guys. They made me smile, laugh and accepted that my recent relationship was shitty. They both ended it though because one said I didn't talk to him enough and the other...well that was a whole other ball game. The first, I did text him everyday, we worked together and I talked to him, the only thing I didn't let him do was get inside me. The other...he had issues and I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Yes I do talk to a professional and she also asked if I ever talk to anyone about these things and I tell her no.

The reason for this extremely long post is because...I do have a guy I want to date and I want to get to know him. I want to be able to have fun without wondering if that's going to happen again. I just kinda want to know if that one bad experience I had with someone I'm pretty sure I loved with all my being able to ruin my trust in people?

[RC4BLUE]

First, I feel for your pain. You have been through a lot in a short period of time. Second if you can and when you are ready trust yourself, follow your intuition, and believe in the woman that you are.

To answer can you trust again, yes when you choose to. You have had encounters with some people who have not been good for you. That is unfortunate. Look for those who are good for you, who treat you well, who honor your spirit. Listen to how people talk to you. If they degrade you walk away. If they promote you stay around. Sometimes boys (yes boys) do not understand that women are goddesses. Real men do understand this and honor the ones they are with. It can be had to be vulnerable but the rewards are tremendous. I do encourage you to talk to those close to you. Gather their support. Take time to know you and what you want in a relationship. Honor yourself. Treat yourself well. Trust will come again when you are ready and with the right person for you. I wish you all the best.

[Juniper]

Thank you.

My best friend(the one who had cancer) really helps me out and even tells me that I need to build up to trusting others again. At the moment, she's probably one of the few people I know that I trust.