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Sexless Relationship


Jjowdy93

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Hi. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We haven't really had much sex. In the beginning it was because she was having self esteem issues. She also has PCOS(which in some cases effects the sex hormons). It has been about 2 months since we've had sex. I go down on her all the time but she has yet to go down on me. I don't pressure her to do it, it's not everyone's thing. What is getting to me is that she has said numerous times that when we have sex, it's like she's having sex with herself. I've tried to be dominate with her but we both can't take it seriously. I love her dearly but I want her to have sex with me. Any suggestions?

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Hi. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We haven't really had much sex. In the beginning it was because she was having self esteem issues. She also has PCOS(which in some cases effects the sex hormons). It has been about 2 months since we've had sex. I go down on her all the time but she has yet to go down on me. I don't pressure her to do it, it's not everyone's thing. What is getting to me is that she has said numerous times that when we have sex, it's like she's having sex with herself. I've tried to be dominate with her but we both can't take it seriously. I love her dearly but I want her to have sex with me. Any suggestions?

sounds like there is no emotional connection...

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Mrs.BettyCrocker

I know it can be awkward to confront sexual issues head on, but you really should talk about this with her.

Try something along the lines of, "Hey, I care about you and I want to have sex with you because I feel like that's what I need for this to be a fulfilling relationship. I'm not satisfied with our sexual relationship, and if you feel like you're having 'sex with yourself' then clearly you're not satisfied. What can I do to make you happy in bed? I would love it if you went down on me every once in awhile."

It can be really hard to get the words out of your mouth, but if you are clear with what it is you want, and what you expect out of a relationship, then it will be a lot easier for you two to figure out if you are on the same page.

That being said, she may have a low sex drive, or just not find sex important in a relationship, where you clearly do. There are toys you can bring into the bedroom to spark a little magic, but you need to have an intimate connection first.

You said you had tried to dominate her, but can't take it seriously... if you're at a comfortable point in your relationship, try a gag/blindfold on her! If she can't talk, she can't joke about it, and if you make her have a great big orgasm during foreplay, you can feel a little better about "demanding" she give you, yours.

Communication is key though, so figure out what it is you want from her, your relationship, your sex life, and then be VERY clear about those things. If she's just not into sex, you may have to make a choice about the longevity of your relationship and whether or not your ready for celibacy!

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I wanted to add more to this.

I'm in a girl/girl relationship: my first.

My girlfriend has been fantastic!! She's been very patient with me, but I'm more adventurous and daring. I've been able to do things at my pace, we talk about sex, quite a bit. And even before I went down on her the first time, she was very nice, and understanding on how nervous I was. However, even as Out as she is, and how In The Closet I have to be due to work, we're still very sexually active. I have a feeling my GF suffers from some depression, but still, she wants me, and I her.

Mrs.BettyCrocker is right. You definitely need to speak with her. It sounds like a very one-sided relationship, from what you've said in your brief post. Even if "going down isn't her thing", she can still give, whether it's with fingers or toys, she still can please you too. That's one thing that couples that truly love each other, especially in newer relationships, should want to do, please each other.

You sound like you're trying, but it doesn't sound like she's even wanting to be bothered to try. Yes, some people's medications kill a sex drive, or hormones, but, you have to be willing to try and give to your partner, one way or another.

Domination/submission is difficult if neither of you have done it, both of you are more like subs, or both are doms. Yes, even when you're into it, it can seem silly, but usually, you should be caught up in the moment enough where the silliness isn't noticed.

It almost sounds as if she thinks of you more as a friend, or someone to be with so she can say she's not alone. I'm sorry, that may hurt to read, but, that's what it kinda sounds like to me.

I hope things get better!

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