Cant Masturbate In Front Of Partner

[trickychick]

Hi,

I know this might sound silly, I mean he's seen me give birth 3 times forgodssake, but I just cant bring myself to masturbate 'for real' infront of my SO, the reason is that when I am masturbating (lying on my back anyway), I HAVE to start with my legs apart and then straighten them & bring them together, then apart then together again you get the idea; it works really well, sort of very quickly, and of course I dont care how I look when Im solo, multiples-no problem, but my god I look like some sort of fish, swimming in some bizzare way, and I just cannot do it infront of my bloke!! I would like to be able to but, I just cant!! Do I sound silly?! lol

The other way is better, on my knees/kneeling, but I have to have some phallus or other and use that on myself and its more a g-spot thing.

In fact masturbating during sex has never done anything for me/helped me come, no one has ever managed to make me come through oral sex either and only once in 16 years has another person made me come with finger work. I find it easy to do to myself, and oral sex is extremely fine, but feels like something is missing...dunno if its in my mind or a physical thing.

Well, that was a totally incoherent ramble, but what do I do? I dont know what to do!!

[Mikayla1]

WELCOME TrickyChick!

OK, you have fallen prey to something many of us women do - you are in a masturbation rut! Sometimes as children we find a way of self-pleasuring that works really well for us and we stick with it our whole lives. For some, it is humping pillows, others use hair brushes, for you it is the "fish manuever." You say you can't cum by finger stimulation duing intercourse - I find that extremely odd - nor during oral. So, my suggestion to you is to slowly get yourself out of this "habit" of masturbating in only one way.

The fact is, while this might feel very good to you - it is NOT the only way you can masturbate! All you truly need is clitoral stimulation (and perhaps some penetration for good measure) so if you can bring yourself to slowly change the way you masturbate in PRIVATE - then soon you might be able to masturbate for your man.

I saw a sex show once where a woman could only masturbate through a silky piece of cloth. It was her habit. The sex experts told her to do what I am telling YOU to do - to just slowly change the routine. First try NOT moving the legs UP but perhaps still put them together. Or, try using a bullet with your legs spread for intense pressure. You can change the habit, you just have to work at it.

Also, you should be able to cum during sex with clitoral stimulation - you jsut have to get it out of your mind that YOUR way is the ONLy way to feel good!

Good Luck!

Mikayla

[trickychick]

Of course, everything you said makes perfect sense (lol @ "fish manuever" !!)...having said that, I dont know where to start, maybe your suggestion, I have to say i'm quite petrified of it not working!!

However, I might..i mean I WILL...give it a go, I wonder how long it will take to change my ways?

Thanks! xx

[Mikayla1]

If you think it won't work, then it won't. Take baby steps. If you always masturbate in the bedroom, try doing it in the bathtub. If you masturbate without toys - try using a toy for your stimulation. Just don't get too hung up on it or you will prevent yourself from having the O at all - just relax and retrain your brain to just pleasure yourself!

Good Luck!

Mikayla

[trickychick]

Actually I suggested last night to my man that maybe he should tie me up and just try and make me come, Ive got a feeling that I need to let go of controlling myself, and also he needs a bit of practice, god knows Ive practiced enough on him!

I think I like the idea of being rather helpless, and him having all the control, not just a little bit...

Also I did try masturbating in a different position, in the bath, last night...had to revert to my original fish tecnique to have the first O, then i changed position, to my knees, to cum again, it did work, it was a completely different sensation, too...so I did it one more time for good measure. Im more hopeful now that I can change my habit!!

Thanks to you both xxx

[ShadowStang]

Hi TrickyChicky.

I too have the same problem, I can't masturbate infront of my husband. But like you said, he's seen me give birth. So what's the big deal? Well, this is how I have started opening up with him

First it was anything. I didn't initiate sex, I didn't tell him what I wanted, I didn't talk "dirty", nothing. So, here's what we did. I started by initiating sex, and now, it's like we grope each other as a way to say hello. It helps that we started talking by having tickle fights. Seriously, we knew each other but one day I just decided to jump on him and tickle him. Keeping in mind that I only got to see him a weekend a month. More on that subject upon request... LOL..

Now, we say things like "I want you". Simple, but it conveys the point. Then once we get into it, we start with the dirty stuff, like I'll tell him how good his cock feels, or how wet he makes me. I have yet to tell him to make love to me, because I don't how he'd respond to me being sappy, not my regular nympho self... But we started doing that, and he wants us to do anal, but I think it's a bad idea having just had a baby four months ago. Things are still healing. But it's gotten easier to do certain things, like now I'll touch myself a little bit, or lick my own nipples for him, and I know he likes it but he reeaaallllllly wants me to masturbate infront of him. Make sure your SO isn't pressuring you, too. That makes it harder. I've considered Anal, but as soon as he starts with his "PLEASE LET'S DO IT!!!" I clam back up. Here's another one. Use a mirror. watch yourself. I felt stupid doing it at first, but it's the same now as brushing my hair or putting on makeup. Just trust yourself to open up and you will.

Yes yes, another thing too, it took me forever to learn how to "finger" myself -- I started masturbating by humping pillows. Gosh, that's embarrassing, not even my husband knows that. LOL. But I did something different once... and liked it. haha. So it was great. now it's more discreet than being stacked ontop of pillows with that tell tale up and down up and down up and down.

~M

[Blonde Aleen]

where do you guys think I should go to find a model photographer?

[curlie]

Say. You don't tell us where you live. YOu inject this question into another topic, that has nothing to do with modeling. How are we suppose to guess how to answer your question? What kind of modeling do you want to do? For what purpose? Is this standard fashion modeling? If so, you need to search the web for businesses and agencies in LA< New York City, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, etc. in the States. If it is nude modeling, the locations and photographers are more limited. If you are looking for something to give to a hb, or bf, or SO, there are " Beudoir" Photographers all over the country that can accomodate you.

How about starting a new topic, and then give us much more information about the kind of modeling you are interested in, and why? There is a big difference if you are looking for a career, as opposed to taking a sexy picture to send to a boyfriend.

Sorry i could not be more helpful.

I agree that the tie up and the toy ideas will get you there. Good idea. When I first really learned what I was capable orgasimically, it was a boyfriend who loved to tie me up. He thought it was because it gave me permission to let myself go.. afterall he was in control. Good luck. You know you can masturbate in front of him without having an orgasim...tell him your saving that for his cock in your pussy.

As far as anal goes, Mikayla's article is perfect. Personally after having him inside me vaginally for a little bit and when I am totally gone and have had several orgasims already.. then slide his cock down to the ass, after putting on some lube if you need it.

[trickychick]

HI Chelley, thanks, in a way its good to know Im not alone!! Im taking it slow, we have 3 kids so not much spare time to mess about together, or alone for that matter, you know?!

As for anal, I suggested it to him when I was good and ready, it was a good way of doing things!!

I agree that the tie up and the toy ideas will get you there. Good idea. When I first really learned what I was capable orgasimically, it was a boyfriend who loved to tie me up. He thought it was because it gave me permission to let myself go.. afterall he was in control. Good luck. You know you can masturbate in front of him without having an orgasim...tell him your saving that for his cock in your pussy.

As far as anal goes, Mikayla's article is perfect. Personally after having him inside me vaginally for a little bit and when I am totally gone and have had several orgasims already.. then slide his cock down to the ass, after putting on some lube if you need it.

Thanks, some things there that hadn't occurred to me...Yes I think the tying up and toy play will work...he he

[trina2008]

HI Chelley, thanks, in a way its good to know Im not alone!! Im taking it slow, we have 3 kids so not much spare time to mess about together, or alone for that matter, you know?!

As for anal, I suggested it to him when I was good and ready, it was a good way of doing things!!

Thanks, some things there that hadn't occurred to me...Yes I think the tying up and toy play will work...he he

Hi Tricky,

Sorry about getting into the middle of a conversation but maybe my advice could help. It sure can't hurt...lol

I was in the same exact situation at one point in my life. I too have 3 children and they are all pretty little still, between that and both of us working there is not much time for sex or anything else for that matter lately. But in the beginning of my relationship with my hubby I never used a single toy. The first time I used a vibrator I could not believe how great and amazing it felt. The whole time I was masterbating before I was introduced was either with my shower head or my hands. By introducing me to the world of vibrators and other toys he showed me ways to masterbate and to not be so timid. 5 years ago if someone told me that I would be as open with my sexuality as I am now I would have thought they were out of their mind. The most taboo thing I did was to tell my girlfriends about the sex I had the night before. Now I try to get on the forum as much as I can and try to help people who were like me.

Try different positions while masterbating, try changing small little things like using a toy. have you ever seen you SO masterbate or at least start masterbating and letting you finish him? These things are just as important. If you are not cuming during oral or while he is fingering you then guide him to the way you like it. If the only way you can masterbate is by doing the "fish position" change a little like Mikayla says. Start off slow and you will see that there is a sexual woman just waiting to come out. Who knows maybe your SO will totally shocked and love a whole new side of you.

[Tyger]

My husband doesn't seem to "think" that it's OK for him to masturbate infront of me, and he has the "old southern boy" way of thinking that if I masturbate, that he's not doing "it" for me, but I keep telling him that that is just NOT the case.

I've been working on his way of thinking for about 4 yrs (takes a loooooong time to get someone's life's views to change), and it's working, slowly but surely!!

Good luck!!

[trina2008]

May I suggest some way to speed the process. Men are so dense they have to be shown, as well as instructed. Use a vibrator, butt plug, dildo, or beads, or ben wah balls( My favorite, because they are so small and simple) to have a good time all day long. Don't wear panties when he comes home, but a shirt, or skirt, or dress. Then when he sits down in his chair, go up to him, pull down his pants, or at least his zipper, and pull out his cock and massage it or suck it to get him hard. Then sit on it. Let him feel how wet you are. When you have him surrounded, tell him how you got yourself wet like that, and what you used to do it. Then, ask him if he now feels badly that you masturbated or played with toys all day, thinking of him?

I bet I know his answer. That will end his resistance to you masturbating, or the idea that if you do so, he somehow is not doing his job as your husband. And, tell him you are just "warming up the engine, and waiting for him to take the driver's seat! " That should carve the prinicple into his thick skull once and for all time.

Once you have done this, you can call him at work and tell him what toy you have in you, so he gets all hot and bothered and is thinking of having sex with you when he gets home. I bet that makes his workday go very fast for him. He certainly won't be stopping off at a tavern for a beer with the guys!

Howard,

I totally agree with you, nothing gets a man hotter than when you call him at home and tell him how you just got off while thinking about him. Honestly, I love to watch my husband play with himself, I have no idea why it is such a turn on. There are nights that I will watch him masterbate and he will watch me at the same time and then we will go at it like animals. That is some of the best sex we have. I never found masterbation to be a bad thing, maybe a little private but that changed when I met my hubby and he loved to watch me. Just try some of these tricks and who knows they may work.

Katrina

[ShadowStang]

Another thing that I think is kind of bad now, is that a week ago, my husband was hit by a car and now has his right leg in a cast to about midway up his thigh. This sucks because we're both in the mood (Nothing keeps this guy down unfortunately... he's almost fallen twice..) and we can't do much because the movements aggravates the break. But in another ... 11 weeks we're back in business. At least this didn't happen to you! LOL.

[trickychick]

UPDATE:

I have had one orgasm from masturbating in a different position!! par-ty

It took ages and was a pretty strange position (i might as well say, i was in the bath lying on my back but

my knees were bent, so my calfs were trapped under my thighs(hog tie style) -I felt i needed to be immobilised!) it took sooo long, but I made it.

Have also been experimenting with toys, but again that takes ages, I mean 30 minutes compared to my usual 3 is a pretty big deal. The fact that I seem to have recently lost my sex drive a bit hasnt helped either, but Im working on it.

Also, another update, my partner and I had sex a while ago and he came so quick, and I just started to rub my clit afterwards, and I told him to use his fingers and I said 'Im not going to stop you know, til I come' and I didnt, it took about 20 minutes (ages) and I described where my g spot is, and he found it, and we went on like that til I came and then his arm fell off!!!!! well, not quite.

Just thought you'd like to know.

[allit]

UPDATE:

I have had one orgasm from masturbating in a different position!! par-ty

It took ages and was a pretty strange position (i might as well say, i was in the bath lying on my back but

my knees were bent, so my calfs were trapped under my thighs(hog tie style) -I felt i needed to be immobilised!) it took sooo long, but I made it.

Have also been experimenting with toys, but again that takes ages, I mean 30 minutes compared to my usual 3 is a pretty big deal. The fact that I seem to have recently lost my sex drive a bit hasnt helped either, but Im working on it.

Also, another update, my partner and I had sex a while ago and he came so quick, and I just started to rub my clit afterwards, and I told him to use his fingers and I said 'Im not going to stop you know, til I come' and I didnt, it took about 20 minutes (ages) and I described where my g spot is, and he found it, and we went on like that til I came and then his arm fell off!!!!! well, not quite.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Wonderful,

I have a great bath Jacuzzi that I can't wait to put to use when my asawa cums here. You certainly gave me some ideas. Glad to hear he found the g-spot. I hope you had a great g-spot orgasm. If not, it is somewhat like the clit, gentle at first, then rough though you can get rough much more quickly than on the clit. My asawa finally got the jack rabbit vibrator I sent her. We had great phone sex yesterday and she stated she had a great squirting orgasm. I just can't wait until we are together.

[Susan626]

Another thing that I think is kind of bad now, is that a week ago, my husband was hit by a car and now has his right leg in a cast to about midway up his thigh. This sucks because we're both in the mood (Nothing keeps this guy down unfortunately... he's almost fallen twice..) and we can't do much because the movements aggravates the break. But in another ... 11 weeks we're back in business. At least this didn't happen to you! LOL.

Have you seen the thigh riders, a belt that straps around a person's thigh that has a penis dildo sticking up from it? You could right him on his good thigh, I'm sure that would turn him on and take good care of you over the weeks he's on the mend, and you can always give him oral sex, hand jobs and whatever else makes him happy in the meantime. Toys, toys and more toys, they're the spice of life! Best of luck as he is recuperating.

[smithmobilesltd]

hey guys... sorry but how can set a picture in my profile?

[citizenk]

Funny, my hubby asked me to masterbate in front of him when we had been dating for about 2 months. It was the strangest thing I have ever done!! When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to know how to pleasure me (which by the way, he has never had a problem doing) and who knows how to pleasure me more than me??? But, I am up for anything so what the hell---

We rented a movie and I laid on the floor and let him watch.

It was really a libertating experience- I didn't feel like I had to apologize for what was turing me on from the movie or what I was doing.

It was also a very intimate experiece as he is the only one who has EVER seen me do it. It is such a turn on for me now. I don't ask him to watch, but I love it when he just takes the time to learn about me.

[Blush]

I'm a BIG fan of mutual masturbation! And yes it can be strange the first time you go there with someone. But so worth it IMO. Men love it and actually I'm very visual as well so I do too!

My husband walked in on me masturbating early in our relationship and was so turned on I can't even begin to describe the rest of the night....... After that it was always a part of at least foreplay as is oral btw...

I always made sure he 'caught' me from time to time after that, it always paid off big time for both of us.

[CGEM]

WELCOME TrickyChick!

I saw a sex show once where a woman could only masturbate through a silky piece of cloth. It was her habit. The sex experts told her to do what I am telling YOU to do - to just slowly change the routine. First try NOT moving the legs UP but perhaps still put them together. Or, try using a bullet with your legs spread for intense pressure. You can change the habit, you just have to work at it.

Mikayla

Right. I've seen the same show. And in fact it was a piece of UK knowledge - I believe it was Tracey Cox herself. Hooray for local information!

Regards,