Members Kama Posted February 27, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 Hi all, i was curious for opinions. A former therapist told me, "just because you enjoy getting intimate with men doesn't mean you can't be gay. My client identifies as a lesbian, and she hooks up with guys." I disagree with this. I have a hard time believing that I am gay, if I feel attracted to men. I told this therapist that I have had sex with men and women. I told her that I like men more, which led her to make her comments. She also said, "you will know when you're gay or straight, depending on who you fall in love with." Um, I know what I am? I did go through a phase where I was exploring my sexual orientation in my 20's. I found out that I liked men more. What is your definition of a gay woman? Am I missing something here? I thought being a lesbian meant that you prefer to have sex and romantic relationships with women Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted March 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2017 There are too many people (therapist included) that do not have a good understanding of sexual orientation. Most people fall somewhere on the spectrum from completely hetero to completely homo sexual, and everywhere inbetween. Orientation is what you claim/ feel/believe is right for you. I know lesbian women who have attractions to men. I know gay men who have attractions to women. They do not call themselves bisexual. I know straight people who hookup with same gendered people from time to time and they would never say they are gay or bisexual. We each claim our sexuality and can shape it to what is best for each of us. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted March 7, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 On 3/6/2017 at 6:29 AM, RC4BLUE said: There are too many people (therapist included) that do not have a good understanding of sexual orientation. Most people fall somewhere on the spectrum from completely hetero to completely homo sexual, and everywhere inbetween. Orientation is what you claim/ feel/believe is right for you. I know lesbian women who have attractions to men. I know gay men who have attractions to women. They do not call themselves bisexual. I know straight people who hookup with same gendered people from time to time and they would never say they are gay or bisexual. We each claim our sexuality and can shape it to what is best for each of us. Right. There are grey areas. Calling myself a lesbian doesn't feel right to me. I should add that the therapist thought I was gay, because of the fact that penetration wasn't my favorite act. I only discussed this, due to needing a professional opinion on sexual preferences. She said, "I sometimes wonder if it's bc it's a man. Half of my sexually abused clients are gay." I have discussed this before on this forum that my favorite sex act is giving blowjobs. To me, I still don't understand how I can be gay when an act involving a man turns me on the most. Second, I don't think it's fair to assume that child sexual abuse makes you gay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted March 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 It amazes me how anyone (especially a therapist) could say that just because penetration is not your favorite act indicates that you are lesbian/gay. There is nothing that indicates the act of penetration is heterosexual of homosexual. Penetration is as much a preference as an act as oral stimulation is. Being sexually abused (or not) does not make someone gay/lesbian, strait or bi or anything else. That therapist needs to educate him/herself. It sounds like the therapist was trapped in his/her own ignorance of sexuality. You are most correct - you are attracted to who you are attracted to. That doesn't make you straight/gay/bi/or anything else. Only you can claim your sexual orientation. Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted March 7, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 Thanks rc! I think that clarifies my question on what's gay or not. well, not all therapists are sex therapists right? I know it might be hard to not bring your own biases to session. this current therapist specialized in body image and self-esteem, which she was great at. Every person has their strengths and weaknesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Crazy Cat Posted March 7, 2017 Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 I am going to chime in here. I agree with RC. That only you can claim your sexual orientation. I am a child sex abuse survivor. I am married to a man. But the female body is a beauty to be beheld in its own right in my mind. The act of enjoying penetration or oral has no determining factor to being straight/gay/bi. And I think the therapist was off the mark here. There is no rule if you like this, than it determines you are that. Enjoy what you enjoy and be happy. forget the labels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted March 7, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 47 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said: I am going to chime in here. I agree with RC. That only you can claim your sexual orientation. I am a child sex abuse survivor. I am married to a man. But the female body is a beauty to be beheld in its own right in my mind. The act of enjoying penetration or oral has no determining factor to being straight/gay/bi. And I think the therapist was off the mark here. There is no rule if you like this, than it determines you are that. Enjoy what you enjoy and be happy. forget the labels. You're kind of like me. Thanks for sharing and I am sorry that you endured trauma. Best wishes to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 19, 2017 Report Share Posted August 19, 2017 I love RC's responses. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted August 20, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2017 I am going to let out a big revelation here. I have realized that I am straight after all, or heteroflexibile at most. It does feel empowering to say that! I think exploring with the same sex had to do with some stressful life stuff. Some people might say "how can you stop being bi?" I made a mistake and got more information/life experience. My 20's was a really tough time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted January 14, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2018 I just want to vent about this. If I try to explain this situation, I HATE when people try to suggest that I may like women again. No thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Crazy Cat Posted January 14, 2018 Report Share Posted January 14, 2018 2 hours ago, Kama said: am very happy with the man I am dating.... 2 hours ago, Kama said: I still have a lot of anger towards that therapist. Glad you have reached an understanding of who you are Kama. Don’t waste time with bitterness towards that therapist. She is not worth you wasting your energy on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted January 14, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2018 8 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said: Glad you have reached an understanding of who you are Kama. Don’t waste time with bitterness towards that therapist. She is not worth you wasting your energy on. Thanks! Sorry, I had to vent. I am all good now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 3, 2018 Report Share Posted February 3, 2018 Never did I think that I'd actually be in a full-on relationship with a woman. I'd always been with men, though I always admitted to be curious. Now, over 3 yrs with my GF, I can honestly say that I STILL don't label myself as gay or straight. I'm not sure the difference between all of the buzzwords.....nor do I understand the difference between bisexual and pansexual, but if I were to "label" myself, I guess bisexual would be it. Only YOU can know how you are. And, it may not be just the person's gender, but the person themselves, you're attracted to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted February 8, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 Thanks for the reply, tyger. Being reminded that only we know who we are helps a lot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 11, 2018 Report Share Posted February 11, 2018 You're very welcome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted February 16, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2018 I was just thinking how I miss growing up in the 1990’s, when the definition of gay/lesbian was clear and simple. I think some people now these days in 2018 make it a bit too complicated. All of these complicated definitions don’t help each person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HuntersvilleNC Posted March 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2020 I've hooked up with many "gay" women i.e lesbians. Granted it's not something that happened regularly, I don't think it impacted their "gayness" one bit. I think we are confusing sex for relationship intimacy. Occasionally having sex with a person of the opposite gender doesn't make you "bisexual or less gay" either. Some of the lesbians I've connected with are in deeply committed relationships. My first threesome was with a lesbian couple in their 40's, married almost a decade. It was just something that happened.....not even planned. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 3/18/2020 at 12:32 PM, HuntersvilleNC said: I've hooked up with many "gay" women i.e lesbians. Granted it's not something that happened regularly, I don't think it impacted their "gayness" one bit. I think we are confusing sex for relationship intimacy. Occasionally having sex with a person of the opposite gender doesn't make you "bisexual or less gay" either. Some of the lesbians I've connected with are in deeply committed relationships. My first threesome was with a lesbian couple in their 40's, married almost a decade. It was just something that happened.....not even planned. Ok finally someone else is saying what I've been saying all along your not gay just because you enjoy sex with the same sex it's perfectly normal to 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HuntersvilleNC Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Bigirlhaggen said: Ok finally someone else is saying what I've been saying all along your not gay just because you enjoy sex with the same sex it's perfectly normal to Thank you! Always nice to hear people who get it!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 12 minutes ago, HuntersvilleNC said: Thank you! Always nice to hear people who get it!! Omg sweetheart I definitely get it I've been called gay all my life because I've been a lesbian most of my life but even then I never considered myself gay I definitely loved girls yes but not just girls I found those incredibly amazing love poles those boys have 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Andrew Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 15 minutes ago, Bigirlhaggen said: Omg sweetheart I definitely get it I've been called gay all my life because I've been a lesbian most of my life but even then I never considered myself gay I definitely loved girls yes but not just girls I found those incredibly amazing love poles those boys have Nothing wrong with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HuntersvilleNC Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 25 minutes ago, Bigirlhaggen said: Omg sweetheart I definitely get it I've been called gay all my life because I've been a lesbian most of my life but even then I never considered myself gay I definitely loved girls yes but not just girls I found those incredibly amazing love poles those boys have I hear ya....everything isn't always 1's and 0's. There's a massive grey area in between, but we still find our core place somewhere along the spectrum. I like my love pole, and often glad to share with the appreciative lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, HuntersvilleNC said: I hear ya....everything isn't always 1's and 0's. There's a massive grey area in between, but we still find our core place somewhere along the spectrum. I like my love pole, and often glad to share with the appreciative lol That's exactly what I'm talking about your secure enough in your sexuality to be able to enjoy playing with another cock that's so beautiful 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HuntersvilleNC Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Bigirlhaggen said: That's exactly what I'm talking about your secure enough in your sexuality to be able to enjoy playing with another cock that's so beautiful Sometimes people are so afraid of exploring. I believe the fear might be because they're afraid they will like it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 1 minute ago, HuntersvilleNC said: Sometimes people are so afraid of exploring. I believe the fear might be because they're afraid they will like it! Maybe I honest believe that with you guys it's a pride thing don't want anyone to say your gay girls really don't have any problem with same sex relationships guys are scared to be labeled gay 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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