An Array Of Questions, Concerns, Etc

[joanne]

So, I seem only able to orgasm via clitoral stimulation via fingers or vibe. (A long time ago, I was able to O on top, but I can't seem to do that anymore.) Here are the caveats:

#1 - Only *I* can make myself O. Just recently my hubby has been able to help by doing a fierce fingering/clit-stim combo but it takes freaking effort on his part. Poor guy's arms are about to bust by the time I get off.

#2 - I can only O on my back. WTF is up with that?? I just got a bullet, so I'm reallyreallyreallyreally hoping that I can start to O when he's behind me.

What can I do here? I know I need to basically rewire myself, right? I think that I'm just so accustomed to myself that my body is trained to respond in turn. But if I turn on my belly or have my ass in the air, things shift and there just isn't as much sensation.

Tips, pointers? Thanks!

[joanne]

Thank you Howard, for taking the time to write that. Unfortunately, a lot of it was waaay off the mark.

I don't have trouble reaching orgasm. (And another, and another. I can make myself come a million times over.) I just want to reach it in another position than on my back. When I was first sexually active, I was able to O when I was on top, but then I had kids and things shifted and now...not so much. Also, me on top is hard for my husband - he can't always stay hard. (I think he needs the up and down, and I need the front to back slide...)

And I do love doggie style. I don't know how you got that I'm afraid of being approached from behind. But, again, since the kids, something has shifted - it hurts on occasion. But I do love it, especially when he can spank me or just feeling his hands on my hips when he's going hard...It's a total turn-on. I just can't seem to O in that position - no clit stimulation. And when I use the bullet when on all fours or facedown, I don't think I'm used to the angle my clit is hanging at. I feel awkward when I use my fingers. It just feels weird.

I remember watching that show on Oxygen with the older lady - Sue something? And some guy called in and said that he could only come when he did X. And she told him to hold off from sex for a month, and then after the month start masturbating (still no sex), but with his opposite hand, and maybe with condom? Can't quite remember. She said he would hate it, and her, but it just might do the trick. I'm thinking that's along the lines of what I need.

I've been masturbating since I don't know when - 11, 12? I had a good 5-6 years of myself before I met my husband (he's the only person I've been with), and we still rely on me a fair bit to get my kicks in. I need to get unused to myself, you know?

[Tyger]

You're very young to be experiencing something like "shifting". How many kids have you given birth to?

Where it is true that parts may shift during transport (sorry, couldn't resist), everything should go back to normal fairly well. Unless there may have been a lot of wieght gain, bed rest, problems with birthing, or lack of physical fitness. My mother's bladder is now free-floating because, after she gave birth to me, somehow, the tissue that holds the bladder into place, weakened, and over time just disintergrated. So, these things can happen.

If you think that the problems you're having are due to some of your organs not being where they're suppose to be (and you're really the only one that would physically *feel* it and know), then you really should talk to your doctor/OB/GYN. They'll be able to feel, and probably x-ray you to make sure that everything is where, or at least in the right area, of where it should be. Express your concerns with your healthcare person, and hopefully, you'll be able to figure something out.

I would recommend, for now, that you do your Keigels religiously. You can even do them while you're reading this post. I am doing mine right now. Since I see it being recommended so much on here, and I am on here a lot, I get a lot of 'em done! Anyway, this will help tighten any loose muscles that have lost some elasticity from child birth. And I also recommend that women that haven't had kids do them too. I had a c-section, so I didn't have to deal with the stretching that goes with child birth itself, but I still do them as often as I can. My hubby loves loves loves the control I have down there, and can really feel me clamping down on him.

As far as Howard, or any other posters go, just remember that we are giving opinions and life experiences from what we READ on a particular post. I know I try not to read too much into a post, but take it for what its worth. If there is something missing from the post, that the poster may think is obvious, we just don't see it. It happens, and such is the online recommendation process.

I hope you're able to find something that works for you. Good luck, and please keep us "posted".