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Mikayla1

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OK, I know that a similar message has been posted before by Tyger and other mods, but there is something that NEEDS to be said here - and explained - as well as understood by ALL members:

(1) This is a PUBLIC forum (at least for all adults who register to post here) meaning, all views, ideas and thoughts are welcome here as long as they are appropriate and not mean-spirited. The topics are broad, the responses are varied. People from all walks of life and educational level post here.

(2) People form friendships here - but also become enemies. We are not always privy to what happens 'behind the scenes' and this makes it hard for our forum readers - or us moderators - to always know or understand where a comment is coming from.

Sometimes a random post gets hijacked by people sticking up for one another - OR - smashing and bashing one another. While this is going to happen to some degree, it is getting a little bit ridiculous.

(3) As a moderator, it is getting harder and harder for me to understand what is going on in some of these posts. I get MANY, MANY PMs from people saying he said or she said, and I did or she/he did that my mind is SPINNING! I can not see both sides to a situation in most instances, so it doesn't do me any good to hear that this, that or the other happened off-forum.

(4) Moderators TRY to be as far as they can. We try to read what is written and then discern if there is something that needs to be done. We can't - CAN'T - retalliate for you if something was said in a PM or off-forum and then comes back to haunt you here.

(5) If you have an issue with someone that is of a personal nature (meaning, not directly related to what is being said in a post) then PLEASE take it OFF-FORUM to deal with. It is increasingly hard for new members to read between the lines and figure out what is going on. I personally have had many PMs from newbies saying 'what the heck?'

On a personal note, I try to base my friendships here on individual, one-on-one discussions on or off forum. I have many here who I term 'friends.' For example, Tyger and I have 'known' each other for almost 4 years, and she is a friend. If I see a post where I disagree (and it rarely happens) I will handle it appropriately. If something bothers me off forum, I e-mail or PM her. She does the same for me.

I am personally tiring of all the 'can you help me handle.....' it is just getting to be too much. I am a moderator not a MEDIATOR. This is a 'free' position here, I do it for the love of the forum. Therefore, I do NOT get 'paid' enough (LOL) to deal with all the behind-the-scenes spats. Threatening to leave, or saying that you don't think your opinion is valid here really strikes a negative cord with me. Why? Because I have struck many cords, but I am still here. I say what I believe, I stand by what I post and I am here cause I want to be.

Therefore, if you want to be here - PLEASE do. If you have issues off forum, keep them off-forum.

I am still available off-forum to help and assist with issues- but I refuse to continue to mediate these types of situations. I, personally, do not have time to deal with them. I would much rather talk sex, review toys and have lively discussions!

Please, PLEASE take this to heart and know that I am NOT pointing to any one person or situation - this has been building for a long time and there are more 'disputes' than anyone knows!

With much respect,

Mikayla

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Thanks Mikayla!

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OK, I know that a similar message has been posted before by Tyger and other mods, but there is something that NEEDS to be said here - and explained - as well as understood by ALL members:

(1) This is a PUBLIC forum (at least for all adults who register to post here) meaning, all views, ideas and thoughts are welcome here as long as they are appropriate and not mean-spirited. The topics are broad, the responses are varied. People from all walks of life and educational level post here.

(2) People form friendships here - but also become enemies. We are not always privy to what happens 'behind the scenes' and this makes it hard for our forum readers - or us moderators - to always know or understand where a comment is coming from.

Sometimes a random post gets hijacked by people sticking up for one another - OR - smashing and bashing one another. While this is going to happen to some degree, it is getting a little bit ridiculous.

(3) As a moderator, it is getting harder and harder for me to understand what is going on in some of these posts. I get MANY, MANY PMs from people saying he said or she said, and I did or she/he did that my mind is SPINNING! I can not see both sides to a situation in most instances, so it doesn't do me any good to hear that this, that or the other happened off-forum.

(4) Moderators TRY to be as far as they can. We try to read what is written and then discern if there is something that needs to be done. We can't - CAN'T - retalliate for you if something was said in a PM or off-forum and then comes back to haunt you here.

(5) If you have an issue with someone that is of a personal nature (meaning, not directly related to what is being said in a post) then PLEASE take it OFF-FORUM to deal with. It is increasingly hard for new members to read between the lines and figure out what is going on. I personally have had many PMs from newbies saying 'what the heck?'

On a personal note, I try to base my friendships here on individual, one-on-one discussions on or off forum. I have many here who I term 'friends.' For example, Tyger and I have 'known' each other for almost 4 years, and she is a friend. If I see a post where I disagree (and it rarely happens) I will handle it appropriately. If something bothers me off forum, I e-mail or PM her. She does the same for me.

I am personally tiring of all the 'can you help me handle.....' it is just getting to be too much. I am a moderator not a MEDIATOR. This is a 'free' position here, I do it for the love of the forum. Therefore, I do NOT get 'paid' enough (LOL) to deal with all the behind-the-scenes spats. Threatening to leave, or saying that you don't think your opinion is valid here really strikes a negative cord with me. Why? Because I have struck many cords, but I am still here. I say what I believe, I stand by what I post and I am here cause I want to be.

Therefore, if you want to be here - PLEASE do. If you have issues off forum, keep them off-forum.

I am still available off-forum to help and assist with issues- but I refuse to continue to mediate these types of situations. I, personally, do not have time to deal with them. I would much rather talk sex, review toys and have lively discussions!

Please, PLEASE take this to heart and know that I am NOT pointing to any one person or situation - this has been building for a long time and there are more 'disputes' than anyone knows!

With much respect,

Mikayla

I had no idea people PM'd moderators to settle disputes. Mikayla, you are perfectly within your rights to say "Sorry, can't get involved." For heaven's sake we came to these forums to talk about sex, relationships, and give each other a shoulder to cry on. How on earth does that result in people being mean and disrespectful to each other.

Here's a suggestion for a new policy for us members. If somebody is offensive or rude or hurts your feelings, ignore them. Change the channel. Don't prolong the discussion. If you don't add fuel there can be not fire.

Does that seem fair? Mikayla does nothing but help us, especially the young and inexperienced. And we repay her by dragging her into our petty disputes. Shame on us.

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How on earth does that result in people being mean and disrespectful to each other.

How indeed!

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I feel as though I missed something... Oh hope is well (though it obviously isn't)

Suz, I think this is one time that it is good to be out of the loop, at least that's how I am looking at it. :huh:

Here's a suggestion for a new policy for us members. If somebody is offensive or rude or hurts your feelings, ignore them. Change the channel. Don't prolong the discussion. If you don't add fuel there can be not fire.

Does that seem fair? Mikayla does nothing but help us, especially the young and inexperienced. And we repay her by dragging her into our petty disputes. Shame on us.

I agree 100%!!! Now, what to do if you want someone to be offensive to you .... :rolleyes:

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I had no idea people PM'd moderators to settle disputes. Mikayla, you are perfectly within your rights to say "Sorry, can't get involved." For heaven's sake we came to these forums to talk about sex, relationships, and give each other a shoulder to cry on. How on earth does that result in people being mean and disrespectful to each other.

Here's a suggestion for a new policy for us members. If somebody is offensive or rude or hurts your feelings, ignore them. Change the channel. Don't prolong the discussion. If you don't add fuel there can be not fire.

Does that seem fair? Mikayla does nothing but help us, especially the young and inexperienced. And we repay her by dragging her into our petty disputes. Shame on us.

Well I will say that I have gone to the mods and admins when the situtation warrants it. Sometimes things get WAY out of control and it does take a third party to step in and say "hey, stop that now. Go back to the sex." And sometimes it because impossible to ignore, does this mean that everything needs to be reported? No, but that is why we have mods and admins and report buttons. But Miks very right, if it's not a board issue as in you find something ridiculously offensive and feel it violates the rules but it's a real world personal issue or stems from one, leaves the mods out of it.

Thank you to Mikayla, Tyger, Ginger J, and OF COURSE Rob and Meg for putting up with us! We're bad, and don't deserve our spankings!

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Suz, I think this is one time that it is good to be out of the loop, at least that's how I am looking at it. :huh:

I agree 100%!!! Now, what to do if you want someone to be offensive to you .... :rolleyes:

Ask nicely!

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Well I will say that I have gone to the mods and admins when the situtation warrants it. Sometimes things get WAY out of control and it does take a third party to step in and say "hey, stop that now. Go back to the sex." And sometimes it because impossible to ignore, does this mean that everything needs to be reported? No, but that is why we have mods and admins and report buttons. But Miks very right, if it's not a board issue as in you find something ridiculously offensive and feel it violates the rules but it's a real world personal issue or stems from one, leaves the mods out of it.

Thank you to Mikayla, Tyger, Ginger J, and OF COURSE Rob and Meg for putting up with us! We're bad, and don't deserve our spankings!

The best way to stop a conversation that is offending or upsetting is to stop the dialogue. Walk away. Hard to do sometimes, especially when you think the other person is completely wrong. You may indeed be right, but once it gets angry & nasty nobody is really listening.

And anyone who disagrees is a poopy-head!

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Thanks Mik, you and the mods and admins do a lot for us and all of it is appreciated.

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Works for me.

If only other forums had these rules.

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I would much rather talk sex, review toys and have lively discussions!

DITTO!

Thanks Mik ;)

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I had no idea people PM'd moderators to settle disputes. Mikayla, you are perfectly within your rights to say "Sorry, can't get involved." For heaven's sake we came to these forums to talk about sex, relationships, and give each other a shoulder to cry on. How on earth does that result in people being mean and disrespectful to each other.

Here's a suggestion for a new policy for us members. If somebody is offensive or rude or hurts your feelings, ignore them. Change the channel. Don't prolong the discussion. If you don't add fuel there can be not fire.

Does that seem fair? Mikayla does nothing but help us, especially the young and inexperienced. And we repay her by dragging her into our petty disputes. Shame on us.

Spot on DADT.

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Thanks Mik. As always, well said!

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  • 5 years later...
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everyone needs a reminder from time to time, thanks.

True:-)
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