From Bi-curious To Bi-sexual ...

[sass]

Today my SO and were doing some profile updating on another forum we frequent. When we got to the question about my sexual preference, I put bi-curious. He said “BS, you are bi.” I looked at him like he was nuts. He said “have you been with another woman” and my answer was yes, once. Then he asked if I liked it and I said yes. Then he asked if I would be with another woman. “Yes,” I said. “Then you are bi,” he said.

Hmmm. So, I mentioned this to a female friend of mine during chat … and she sort of agreed with him. Double hmmmm. She and I proceeded to discuss this and could not really decide when a person is considered bi. I mean, I am in a serious relationship with a man and I wasn’t looking for a woman to have a serious relationship with, but I can appreciate an attractive woman.

So, what do you all think? When does a woman (or man) go from being bi-curious to bi-sexual? Is one sexual encounter with a person of the same gender, and a willingness to possibly do it again, enough to classify a person as bi?

[mystofpric]

In my opinion being with a member of the same sex once or twice does not make you gay or bi, wanting to spend your life with someone of the same sex would though. Appericiating attarctiveness isn't a "gay" thing, it's an honest thing. I mean I can look at a woman and think "damn, she's goregous" without thinking about jumping her bones, or I can hang out witha woman and not imagine what our life would be like together. I think taht to me is the difference between "curious" and "bi" or "gay".

[mailahn97]

I kind of feel that if you did it once and don't plan on doing it again then you would be bi-curious. Also I think as well when you have thought about doing it or have interest but haven't tried it then obviously you are just curious.

I feel that if you have been with a woman and would do it again then you are bi. Even if it isn't a relationship but that you would be intimate with a woman. I see this as a further stage then curious.

It is interesting as I never thought of what truly determines this. Thanks for raising a good topic.

[mystofpric]

I kind of feel that if you did it once and don't plan on doing it again then you would be bi-curious. Also I think as well when you have thought about doing it or have interest but haven't tried it then obviously you are just curious.

I feel that if you have been with a woman and would do it again then you are bi. Even if it isn't a relationship but that you would be intimate with a woman. I see this as a further stage then curious.

It is interesting as I never thought of what truly determines this. Thanks for raising a good topic.

What if you enjoyed it, and would repeat but your not actively looking for it? I'd think if you were bi you'd be actively looking for another hook-up. Plus you have to factor in what you think of during your "me-time", do you regularly fantasize about being with a member of the same sexs or is it like the once in a blue moon feeling extra naughty kind of a thing? Cause even I fantasize about it once ina while and I promise I'm not even close to bi, just open-minded that it might be fun.

[mudshark]

I kind of feel that if you did it once and don't plan on doing it again then you would be bi-curious. Also I think as well when you have thought about doing it or have interest but haven't tried it then obviously you are just curious.

I feel that if you have been with a woman and would do it again then you are bi. Even if it isn't a relationship but that you would be intimate with a woman. I see this as a further stage then curious.

It is interesting as I never thought of what truly determines this. Thanks for raising a good topic.

My gut reaction is that if you have experienced it and enjoyed it, then, by definition, you are bi. But, at the same time, that kind of labeling implies that this may be your lifestyle choice when the truth is that you may have just been simply experimenting. I guess it's a question of degree.

My wife and I are both bi-curious and have gotten some nice mileage out of those fantasies. We're keeping them as fantasies, though. Making them a reality could pose some dangers to our marriage, which is top notch, by the way. 21 years...

[ladylove]

I believe bi-sexuality is an orientation, just like being gay is. It's not a choice. I also think some people who are not bi-sexual can be bi-curious. The distinction being, bi-curious is sort of like; been there, done that, ok done. Bi-sexual is sort of like; been there, done that, WOW!, gonna do it again. Equal WOW! with both sexes. A Bi-sexual person is attracted to either sex equally.

However, I agree with iha second paragraph.

quote from iha:

"Most human beings are capable of having (and a very high percentage do) one or more same gender sexual experiences; depending on their upbringing or gender stereotyping, they may range form being pleased and settled with their experiences, or guilty and forever ashamed of them."

[leslieanne]

There is an interesting article on this in the April edition of The Oprah Magazine - "She's So Fine". (Sorry I'm not computer savy enought to provide a link to the article.) It talks about the fact that sexuality is more fluid than previously thought. In addition it is more fluid in women in men - felt to be tied to the fact that many women have a greater desire for a deeper emotional connection.

[synirr]

Personally, I think you're officially bisexual when you choose to self-identify as such. I've never been with a woman, but I consider myself bisexual rather than bicurious... I've just had better luck with men is all

[mailahn97]

There is an interesting article on this in the April edition of The Oprah Magazine - "She's So Fine". (Sorry I'm not computer savy enought to provide a link to the article.) It talks about the fact that sexuality is more fluid than previously thought. In addition it is more fluid in women in men - felt to be tied to the fact that many women have a greater desire for a deeper emotional connection.

I found the article link for those that are interested.

Women leaving men - She's so fine

[mystofpric]

I believe bi-sexuality is an orientation, just like being gay is. It's not a choice. I also think some people who are not bi-sexual can be bi-curious. The distinction being, bi-curious is sort of like; been there, done that, ok done. Bi-sexual is sort of like; been there, done that, WOW!, gonna do it again. Equal WOW! with both sexes. A Bi-sexual person is attracted to either sex equally.

I think that's the difference, for me, between curious and bi. The gonna do it again verus I could do it again. I could eat escargo again, but that doesn't make me a fan or french. It just means I think it was good and wouldn't vomit at the thought of eatting it again.

[Mikayla1]

I have actually done a lot of thinking on this lately and reading as well. I watched the episode of Oprah where they were discussing this and I have to say, I found it enlightening. They were discussing how most people fall somewhere in mid area on the Kinsey scale. This, in case you do not know, is a scale the rates people on their heterosexuality or homosexuality. Here it is:

0 Exclusively heterosexual

1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual.

4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 Exclusively homosexual

Most people, especially women, are going to be in the 1-4 levels, as we are more 'pre-disposed' to bi-sexuality. The research indicates that the number of true 'level 6' persons are few and these people are easily identifiable as such. Most people fall in the middle - and depending on where you are on the scale, you can be bi-curious or bi-sexual.

I also think, that once you satisfy a curiosity, i.e. stop THINKING about being with a person of the same sex and DO IT, you cease to be curious. Curiosity, by definition, is a desire to know more about something, and if you have had bi-sexual activity, you then would know and are no longer curious.

This does not mean you are fully blown bi-sexual though. I think that those persons who are truly bi-sexual label themselves as such because they have sexual interest in both men and women equally (or nearly equally) and have confirmed such through experimentation on the sexual realm. That is just my opinion though.

I label myself bi-sexual, but am married to a man. Some would say that I wasn't truly bi-sexual if I can align myself with one sex and not the other. I choose to simply be me....and wish more people would stop worrying about the label, and just live and do what feels good to them.

[Tyger]

If you really think about it, "bi-curious" means that you've not experienced a same-sex sexual encounter yet. Because, if you HAD, you'd know what it was and therefore your curiousity would be more "confirmed", if you get my drift. Your curiousity means IMO, that you are unsure, but open to the possibility of it.

Stating you're "Bi-sexual" means that you KNOW you're attracted to both sexes, and have had experiences with both.

I've known many people that are bi-sexual that have chosen to be with one person or another. If they get married, it's not like the attraction goes away. They're not DEAD. LOL People CHOOSE to be married, and most people understand the consequences of such a union. After all, it's not the SEX of the person that you love, it's the PERSON inside.

[ladylove]

That's a valid position (again, no pun intended). I am NOT stating that bi-sexuality is a 'choice', we are attracted to who we are attracted to, should we feel free to act on our attraction, this is a practice. But as I stated earlier, I am deeply attracted to both ice creme and brownies, I have no choice in being attracted to both, but if I HAD to choose....

good point but....

I love ice cream and eat it almost every night and, I love the smell of brownies, but have absolutely no desire to ever take a bite of one.....

Just a point of view.

[synirr]

Stating you're "Bi-sexual" means that you KNOW you're attracted to both sexes, and have had experiences with both.

I have an issue with the last bit of this statement because it implies that sexual orientation is somewhat based on a person's actions, which is not true. One's sexual orientation has nothing to do with what they have or have not done (think about all the married gay men who come out later, or porn stars who do the gay thing for money,) it's usually defined more by sexual interest and potential for arousal. I figure, if you must label yourself at all, one of the easiest ways is just to ask yourself "am I sexually attracted to the same sex?" and "am I sexually attracted to the opposite sex?" If you're attracted to the opposite sex and your answer to whether or not you're attracted to the same sex is "sometimes" or "I'm not sure," I'd call that bicurious. If it's a definite "yes," you're bisexual. Mine's a definite yes for both, but I have very little experience with women.

[Mikayla1]

While I understand the hesitance to put a label based on actions, I would say that there are millions of women (and men) who are attracted to other women (or men) - who find them sexually arousing, who can admire their breasts, hair, shape, ass - there has to be a distinction between those people who just have the attraction and those persons who act on it. That is why I say, there has to be some sort of sexual action to determine if you are truly BI-SEXUAL - all else I would term bi-curious.

For example, I have a great friend who comments on my breasts a lot. She loves them. She has felt them, squeezed them, we have held hands (like friends) and hugged and such. She says she is attracted to my appearance and my person. However, she would NEVER have bi-sexual or homosexual or lesbian sexual actions with me. She says she has no desire, none whatsoever to kiss or go down on another woman - me or any other. Now, she is not bi-sexual in that regard. Where does the 'sexual' aspect come in?

I know this is a hot button topic, and this is just my opinion, but I think labeling yourself or others bi-sexual when they have not 'gone over the fence' to see if they like it, is sort of backwards thinking. Again, just my opinion, I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here really.

[mystofpric]

I'm noticing that a lot of us are hung up on the titles "curious" and "bi". I think we need a third title. Curious, should mean just that, Bi should be actively interested in both (maybe not active with both but actively INTERESTED in both) and open. Open, you've tried it was good, you'd do it again but it's not something that you seek out. So we have Heterosexual, Bi-Curious, Open-Sexually, Bi-sexual, and Homosexual. Deal?

[mailahn97]

My SO and I were discussing this thread this morning. I read him the comments and such. With this being said we both agree this is such a gray area. There is no definitive answer to it as a lot of people interpret it differently. To me I think curious is you have thoughts about being with another women or tried it but said you would never done it again. I think you are bi if you have been with another woman and would do it again.

[synirr]

In the realm of science, sexual orientation is distinct from sexual behavior... that's all I'm saying. Behavior is often quite different from orientation, and while some scientists will consider behavior as an aspect of overall orientation, doing so has the potential to skew results.

I'm with you Suzy, what you described is kinda like a variation on the Kinsey scale, except the Kinsey scale is from 0 to 6

I think the Klein sexual orientation grid is most accurate

[mystofpric]

In the realm of science, sexual orientation is distinct from sexual behavior... that's all I'm saying. Behavior is often quite different from orientation, and while some scientists will consider behavior as an aspect of overall orientation, doing so has the potential to skew results.

I'm with you Suzy, what you described is kinda like a variation on the Kinsey scale, except the Kinsey scale is from 0 to 6

I think the Klein sexual orientation grid is most accurate

That would be what Mikayla brought up, it's already been covered, what I was talking about was the Labels we seem to have to stick on everything.

[ladylove]

I know this is a hot button topic, and this is just my opinion, but I think labeling yourself or others bi-sexual when they have not 'gone over the fence' to see if they like it, is sort of backwards thinking. Again, just my opinion, I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here really.

I agree, you can't know until you try and see......

[jesso]

Wow, this is quite an interesting subject.

I do agree that one major difference IMO between bi-curious and bi-sexual is sexual act. You can't truly say you're an orientation if you've never tasted. However if you have, I think you're more educated with yourself to know whether its a preference or an interest.

I think labels are insignificant anyhow. Like who you like, love who you love.

[mystofpric]

I think labels are insignificant anyhow. Like who you like, love who you love.

Well said.

[Sunshine Sam218]

I never had a sexual experience with a woman before but I've kissed one and treated her like she was my girlfriend. I can actually see myself with a woman, I love woman just as much as men. At first I was very confused and gave it a lot of thought. I knew I was bisexual last year when I wanted to spend my life with a woman but she didn't share those feelings back. Woman is beautiful and very passionate. I love men cause there strong and I love that feeling of protection. I like certain things from both sexes and there both equal. =)

[mtngal]

Ginger J said it best when eliminating labels. I am a lover of humans. To date I've taken only men to bed and married two. I have always been heartily aroused by women as well. It is the person I respond to--gender tends to be an afterthought for me. I have been hanging with a woman recently and if given the opportunity would make love to her in a minute. It was her smile, wit and grace that compelled me to talk to her. It was my ex-husband's hands, confidence and stature that drew me to him. If someone wants to label my actions and desires--fine, whatever blow their skirt up. For me, I love who I love, no explanation needed.

[square]

For the past couple of years, my wife has said she is bi-curious, wanted to try sex with a girl, and has had a few groping encounters in that time.

During a recent date I got her pretty pickled, and she revealed that she had had an ongoing fling with another girl 8 or 10 years earlier.

So in my mind, she went from being bi-curious to bi-sexual with that revellation: She not only wants to try sex with another girl, she already has, she liked it, has done some things since, and is actively trying to line further things up.

Could she just as easily be in a long-term relationship with a woman as with me? No, probably not. Her interest in girls is more of a physical, sex thing than a fall-in-love relationship thing. But I'm stickin' with my argument.

As far as a label goes, does it matter? Not really. Maybe at some level, I find it cooler to have a bisexual wife than a bi-curious one.