Aletta

Hi All, Some of you may have seen my introduction post but figured I'd post in the Dating and Relationships forum LOL I'm a 25 yr old female who hasn't been in a serious, long term relationship. I've dated here and there but never in a relationship longer than a month. I'm a virgin but the physical aspect of a relationship isn't what's stopping me it's the emotional side. I'm afraid of being emotionally hurt by someone and I'm also afraid of becoming emotionally dependent on someone. I often find myself thinking the relationship won't work for no reason at all. I also don't think of myself as very attractive, not that I think I'm bad looking just average I'm not thin but I'm not heavy either. It's because of this that I don't think guys have hit on me or have flirt with me. Though they probably have and it's just gone over my head. A guy would have to literally say I find you attractive and would like to take you out but I would assume he's just trying to get into my pants and turn him down. I'm not confident enough to ask a guy out myself. This side of myself is such a mystery to me because when I'm with friends or family I'm very outgoing and willing to try new things and have fun. But in relationships I'm doubtful and scared to put myself out there. I believe this stems from my family life. My parents divorced when I was 8 and it wasn't a friendly divorce. It involved a lot of fighting and emotional pain. I gained a lot of weight at this time and my sisters were all out living on their own ( I have 3 sisters 9,10, and 12 years older than me), I hardly ever saw them. My sisters haven't had the best of relationships either. We all, including my parents who can be in the same house on holidays, get along now and my one sister is happily married. However, I feel this affects me in my relationships heavily. Any advise on how to get myself more trusting in relationships? How can I build my confidence to put myself out there?

Hello All, I'm new to blogs like this and just purchased my first set of toys. I can't wait to try them out and to learn more and get advise. I've been hesitant to join a blog but feel this is the only place I can really talk about things, though even as I type this my heart sinks and I think.... what am I doing! LOL My main hesitation is because I'm 25 yrs old and have never had a serious long term relationship. I've dated here and there but I've never let the relationship progress past a month, yes I'm a virgin. I know that the site being what it is I shouldn't feel I'll be judged but I still feel I will. I sometimes find myself feeling ashamed for this fact, like there is something wrong with me. I am a mystery to myself because with friends and family I'm outgoing and willing to try new things and have fun. But when it comes to relationships I'm scared, shy, and reserved. I've never really been hit on, or if I have I'm really bad a reading subtle cues from guys. I'm so afraid of being emotionally hurt that sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously I push people away. In this I think I also try to test people, like if I push and they come back that means they want me in their life. Any advise on how to bring myself out of my shell when it comes to relationships?