I can relate to this. My hubby had prostate cancer and had seeds inserted plus a kidney removed. It was a good many years before we had sex, and I was feeling so neglected. I had the urges but he didn't and I didn't want to say anything that would make him not feel like a man. On day I decided to go for it and said something to him and thats all I needed. We started doing other things to please each other. I looked at Too Timid and found a strap on and showed it to my hubby, and we ordered it and it was the best thing we ever did. Granted its more for me than him, but he gets pleasure from it knowing he is pleasuring me and making me happy. I forgot to mention that it is a hollow strap on, and he says he gets a little feeling. By the way we are 75 and 76 we may be old but we are not dead !! lol I hope this helps.