JonNSolana

My first post. Ill start by sayin my name is JC from San Diego. Im 49. Been a single father of 2 since my divorce in 2005 or so. So im slammed raising kids and dont have much of a social life. Ill get to the masturbation issue in a minute. Ill start out by talking about my 1st addiction. Im addicted to the female ass. And asshole. But im an anal sex virgin. So its just a fantasy. My X was never into it. My X wife is a strong hippy. Very open and natural. Very sexual. Very sensual. But was so insecure about doggy style and would freak anytime i got close to her hole or bent her over. It was only recently that she opened up to me about a sexual experience she had as a kid. One she did not want. And thats how it happened. I wont get into detail of what happened to her. But it was terrible. And she knows it had an impact on our marriage. I wish she could have opened up to me. I guess the shame must have been massive. Since my marriage i have always beed too scared to even ask about butt play when im with a woman. I must have attached some sort of negativity to something like anal and simply get too scared to ask. So i dont go there. I started drawing pictures of the female ass when i was very young. Like 6 years old. 1976. No porn or internet. I was obsessed at a young age. I had no access to porn. So i had to imagine and learn to draw a woman bending over so i could masturbate to it. My god this is hard to even admit. But i did it every day. I was masturbating too pics of female asses that i drew at the age of 6. lol. On brown paper bags with a sharpie. Obviously as i grew older things were better for me. Porn and DVDs and eventually the internet. Had a bad porn addiction because thats where i got my ass fix. But during my 10 year marriage i had to sneak anal porn behind my wifes back. I feel like im rambling here because im nervous. But i wanted to set up my ass addiction first because it has turned into something different this past year. In December 2018 i met a lady online. It was just for a quick fix. When she came over she was high as a kite on something. After talking for a little bit she opened up and told me she smokes meth. I was sort of sketched out at that point but she said it makes her sexual experiences amazing. I had always been just a 420 guy. But i was curious. So she let me hit her pipe. After around 5 hits i was really high. I had never felt anything like that before. But what it did for me sexually was mind blowing. It took an already horny devious man with an ass fetish into a total savage. I wont get into details. But it was probably the best sexual exp id ever had. But it was short because she only had a couple hours to spend with me. So here i am a first time meth high and a sexual appetite that i had no idea what to do with. So i cranked up the porn. And around 17 hours later i finally came. I was hard for almost 24 hours. I know most of you are probably thinking im some druggy or something. Im not. I dont think. Here is why. Since that experience i have used meth probably 3 times a month now. And its always when i know i wont have my kids around. But its the best sexual experience and im wondering if i need help or something. I have no desire to use that stuff. But when i get extremely horny...which is only a couple times a month...i use to enhance my masturbation. And its very little that i use. I smoke around 5 puffs and im locked and loaded for hours. I have no clue why why im telling you all this. I dont feel like i need help. Its just a recreational thing for me. Im too scared to try and call a lady friend when im high. So i just use porn. I feel alone in this. Is there anyone here that can relate to this? Am i even in the right place? Is it wrong that i use a substance like this to enhance my sexual experience? Thanks for letting me ramble.