HappilyMarried2

Dingbat, I have never "got pissy" with hubby in the bedroom, I just clam up. Then when we have had a few drinks and our guard is down a bit, I try to talk about it. I still after reading all the posts, don't get why it is the womans job to make this thing work? So what if we get pissy? So what if we appear the biggest bitch out here? Is it any different when the personna of men is "if I don't get it from you, I'll get it someplace?" How many times you see on talk shows or hear of your friends who have been married for years, that the man cheats and his explanation is "I have needs and she wasn't meeting them". So then the WOMAN gets the talk about why she didn't please him in bed.... on the reverse, when the woman goes outside of the relationship trying to have her needs met, she is a scumbag, trailor trash whore? We as women have needs as well. Just as the mens testes and penis WILL NOT fall off without sex, our clits will stay in tact too, however, We have the very same needs! I have a question for Howard, or any other man who will answer honestly. Why is it that my hubby thinks he is f-n superman when he makes me cum 6 times in one night by oral stimulation, but he can't understand that I might get turned on by multiples from him? He is also a 2 second man, as far as cumming. He has to stop after every 3 or 4 pumps to make our "activity" last 30 minutes to an hour. But if it were straight pumping, he would go in seconds. Also answer me this. This site and many others as well as therapists are out here for people to get help and answers and MUCHO knowledge. I get sick of trying to find help for our relationship when it is out there for him to read too. By God he doesn't miss buying his Sunday paper, so it certainly isn't about reading! Going back to the question, men or he does, feel macho and feels like I am sexually turned onto him big time by being able to cum more than once, why can't the men understand we feel the same? It is almost like you feel like you really do still have whatever you had in the beginning. Now I feel like I could cut a hole in a melon, blind fold him, and getting off would be the same. I don't know.... ANY MORE THOUGHTS? HM2

Although I see the point of the others who have replied, I also see your wife's point of view. I grew up in a house where there was NO PRIVACY. I would be taking my bath or shower, and my brother or sister would come in to poo or get ready for whatever they had to do. We only had the one bathroom between the 3 of us. My brother has passed on, (when I was 14) but he had many gorgeous women in his life. (he was 8 years older than me). I always heard how sexy my brother was, and it grossed me out. How could my BROTHER BE SEXY, he was just my brother, that was YUCK! And let me tell you, my hormones started when I was 12. Although my brother walked around the house in his tidy whities with the morning pee hard on, that was just natural to us. I walked around in bra and panties. I never sexually looked at my brother, and that is morbid. What makes all of you think her little brother could even fathem looking at her in a sexual way or even pretending she was a model as one put earlier? I guess I am only looking at the way I grew up where nudity or partial nudity was not a big deal. Sorry to those who feel like "no big deal" is bad wordage for this, but it was normal for us. When you live in a 2 bedroom home most of your life and had 2 other siblings, makes it tough to have privacy. The one thing I will say is this. Although I don't feel as if it is as scary as some feel, I will say that if it bothers the husband and he has addressed it to his wife, his wife OWES him the consideration of repecting him and his thoughts. The hubby was not there during her upbringing, so as safe as she feels it is, really shouldn't matter. He has expressed concern and she should with NO DOUBT make this situation more comfortable for her husband. It is the husband and wifes home, NOT THE BROTHERS. To the husband... Tell your wife this. Say "I understand this is "no big deal" to you two, however it is a big deal to me. I wasn't raised this way, and it feels inappropriate to me. I understand you two are comfortable with this, but I am extremely UNCOMFORTABLE with this, can we please respect the fact that you are my wife, and your goods are for me to see only?" See if that helps... Sorry if I bumped heads again with you guys on here, I can just see both points. Walking around half naked doesn't concern me as much as a woman knowing her man is bothered and refuses to make him feel better when the control is all in her hands. HM2

ALAS! Some truthful speaking! I just don't get it.. didn't then, and STILL don't! How can one say "I'm not gay" and then post phone numbers and invitations to other men? Is the LABEL that big of a deal guys? As I said before, I think EVERYONE has thoughts of being with same sex, it is when you attempt them or fantasize so much that it reflects in your sex life, that you must start to wonder. I just find it histarically profound to even TRY to fathem the wordage used by others in this post. Instead of posting "I'm NOT GAY, but I want to suck your big dick" why not just post " I don't think I am gay, cause I luv women, but I must be bisexual because I want to suck your dick so badly" Wouldn't that perhaps (trying to use the past language) be the better way to approach it? And by the way guys... you are so busy trying to portray yourselves as someone else.. just from my experience and what I have learned, it is MORE of a turn on to MOST people to hook up with a bisexual, than it is to fantasize about a gay or lesbian... I think you summed it up with the terms "macho bullshit and mind fuck" but you know what guys.. have it your way, but don't think for half a second that it wasn't a waste of your time to type the "I'm not gay" statement up. Next time, leave that out of your posts and there wont be so much contraversy over it.. eh?

Oh what wonderful advice you give crazy. I am with you TOTALLY on this one. Trust me from some of my last posts, I may not have agreed a couple weeks ago, but thinking these things through works miracles. For the record, I do enjoy the videos and so does my hubby, HOWEVER if he told me he didn't want that and had "issues" with it, I would at this point back off. Don't ever not talk to your mate about sexual issues you are dealing with, you never know when the consent will come, however if the consent DOESN'T come, I am totally with crazy... be considerate and respect him. He will love you all the more in the long run.... Take care, HM2

OK OK confession day! I have faked orgasm many times. One of two reasons. First I was tired and didn't feel the need of the "mountain top" experience, and two because I didn't want him to feel like less of a man because he tried hard, I just wasn't in the mind frame. Having said that, I still have yet to see a "squirting" orgasm! I may be different than some women, I don't know. BUT when I cum, I dont just sop right away. Usually it comes to surface when I get up to "pee pee" or if we sit up and talk afterward. Now after the second or third orgasm, I am like a pool of cum down there. I am with Mikayla, there are many ways of checking it out. Try this... if she claims to have cum, give her body a second (just in case she is telling the truth, hahahaha) and after she isn't so sensitive, rub on her down there some and slide a finger or two in there, maybe up higher than normal. Check and see if she doesn't have the super wetness up there that just hasn't dropped yet. The bottom line is this... if she has honestly cum, there WILL be wetness SOMEWHERE! Dunno if that helped.. but hope so... HM2

HAHAHA you go girl... and to the other gal? Who acted disgusted? LOL I bet they went to the liquor store right after work, loaded up.... and I bet if you watched them closely today at work, they are probably walking a little differently and have a HUGE smile on their faces... hahahahahahaha.... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

To my friends on this site... "Crazy" and "telecom" my man friends, and Mikayla my gal friend... I just wanted to take this out of other topics, because I wanted everyone on this site to know how much I appreciate you guys. Crazy and Telecom, hearing a mans thoughts and feelings, when you can't hear your own man's thoughts and feelings, has made all the difference in the world with my relationship. I am more calm and laid back since I have met you two, and I am so greatful. My hubby even made mention about how well things have been going, and how I seem to be more caring and understanding, without judgement or anger. I credit you "guys" for that. I can't thank you enough. This is the only way I could think of to share with everyone here how wonderful you two are. I know you have your own issues that you come here for, but it says something that in the midst of all of your troubles, you helped me. Again I thank you. "Mikayla" Also a great thanks to you. I thank you for all your honesty on here and all the help you have given MANY women and even perhaps men out here. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy, and that is why this site can be such a great asset to a LOT of people. Here is a place to come and be totally honest and get great feedback. It is NOT always what we want to hear, but as long as the truth is spoken, it gives us things to think about. I sincerely hope now that some major things have been resolved in my own marriage, that I can be of help so someone else as much as you, my friends, have been to me. Althought I am not the "smartest" on relationships and speech, I honestly hope something I have experienced may be of help with someone else. Again, I thank you all, and I sincerely hope everything goes just as you wish and makes you the happiest you can be. HUGS and SMOOCHES to you all! HM2

Fast is a BAD thing... I love this with hubby because he goes slow. He is very large to say the least, and the first time I thought he ripped me in two. However, it works best for me if we start out with me on top where I can take as much or as little I need to get started... afterward, many positions feel great. I am with Mikayla as far as more people are doing this than you know! I let it slip one time while talking to my sister "the uppity child" and I was amazed at her response! She said "OMG I can't believe you just told me that! He and I do that nearly every time, I LOVE IT". I was in TOTAL shock to say the least. Don't be suprised at who is not only doing it, but enjoying it. Hope this helps, HM2

Crazy, Although it sounds great to think that I resolved an issue on my own, I do in fact owe you and Telecom much credit. Thank you so much for the "chats" we have had on this and other subjects. I can tell you this. Since I read the post on the gal wanting a 3-some, I really and I do mean REALLY searched myself about this issue. I think It was more of a what is good for the goose, is good for the gander thing, ya know? In the end, who cares who did what or who got what? In the absolute end, I love my husband more that life itself, and I want him happy. A few moments of "fun" for lack of better terms, is NEVER worth ruining a good thing. The only fulfillment I need, is to know that He and I are still in love and will forever be that way. This site and you my friend, have helped in more ways than you can imagine. People out here need to know that something they might type that seems so minor, or if they wonder if people even care to read it, need to understand that MANY people are getting into this site. Many people are in need of help and searching. Be wise and truthful in what you say, because someone just may need you here. Again, thanks so much.... HM2

Sasha, I have read all the posts and I am afraid to be the barer of bad news here, but SOMETIMES it is NOT all it is cracked up to be! It is a careful TOUCHY situation, especially if you are married. Let me elaberate.... I would consider myself bisexual. I was with 2 women before I got married, and really enjoyed the experience. I shared my feelings with my husband WAY before we married ( I wanted him to hear it from me and make the choice himself if he wanted to marry someone with these thoughts). Within the first year, we talked so much about it, and it was a HUGE fantacy of his as well to have a threesome. So.... we started looking. We were on the internet finding women, and meeting up with them (locally). I think we had about 25 lunch and dinners before we found one that was "right" so we thought. We were very judgemental.... if a woman brought her child to the dinner (believe it or not THAT HAPPENED TWICE) or she brought another friend.. she was out! If she came in blue jeans that had spots of them, SHE WAS OUT! Finally, we found a gal that was very clean, natural without a lot of makeup, clear complection, SOFT baby like skin (which made me think she took great care of herself) open and appeared to be the aggressor, which was nice since this 3-some was so new to us. Also she was about 15 min late to our meeting, and her excuse was... she got off work late and just HAD to have a bath before she came to meet us. This again made me feel she was well kept and cared about heigene (spell check). My hubby and I set groundrules before we ever even hooked up with her. First, there are total psycho's out here, you gotta be careful. I didn't mind him doing her since he was there watching us... however, he HAD to wear a rubber at ALL times. Not just the diseases which are most scary, but what in the WORLD would we do if she claimed pregnancy????? That was the ONE thing that bothered us about her, she wanted a baby and her and her hubby couldn't have one, so we didn't want her claiming my hubby was the father (when it would have had to be another one of her affairs in reality). Although he had vacectomy and was clean (no live sperm), we didn't want another woman claiming this, causing a big MESS of trouble and explaining... (she was also married without her hubby being involved or knowing). I like you, wanted to find someone that it was a ONE TIME THING! If it felt good all the way around, we could do it again, but it was VERY important to me that we found someone looking for the same. She was married and made it clear she was not leaving her hubby, and that was GREAT. ANY HOW.. on to the rest.... We met up one day, and did our thing. It was so GREAT for ALL of us while it happend, BUT emotions afterward went crazy! As far as the experience this is how it basically went... She and I started first in the bedroom while hubby gave us a chance to familiarize with one another. When he walked in, she was down between my legs and masterbating herself. He got hard immediately and put a rubber on right away! He lay down right beside of her rubbing on her ass, while rubbing and pinching my nipples. He and she both ate my pussy at the same time. One would be sucking on my clit, the other would be licking my hole or ass... it was great! She came up to sit on my face, which was nice, and he went in behind her doggy. She slid back down and started kissing me and we kissed for a while, and then she started sucking on my titties. She and I 69'd for a good while with me on top while hubby was behind. I gave took off his rubber and gave him a blow job while she was eating my pussy... I could go on, but that sounds GREAT DOESN'T IT???????? Well guess what? After she left, he didn't talk to me for hours! When we finally talked about it, it for him was a jealous thing. He felt like she was way into me, and I was into her more than him, and he got jealous. He felt like it wasn't a 3-some, but rather a 2-some and he got to watch and PLAY A LITTLE! Then she kept emailing and calling wanting to hook up with just me.... You have to understand this WAS very hard for my hubby to deal with. HE is a looker. He has dark features, brown eyes, built, had many women in his life, and has a HUGE COCK which he knows how to work well. A girl never broke up with him before, he always dumped her. When we go out, women are slobbering on themselves and hating me.... so he is not used to rejection whatsoever, and that is how he felt. It seriously devestated our relationship. I didn't mind him doing her, we AGREED to do this. Did I ever wonder if she would be better for him? SURE, that was natural. Did I ever wonder if she was more attractive? SURE, that was natural. Now having said that, I didn't walk away from this ordeal feeling jealous about anything. He did FUCK her, and she DID suck his dick some.... so it is NOT that they didn't do a thing ya know? I would have to agree with him, she was all over me. (Keep in mind, I feel like I am a fat dog cow next to my husband, I feel unworthy of him at all times, and am the most insecure person you will ever meet, so I say she was all over me because it felt that way, not that I feel like I am the bomb or good looking, or great in bed... whatsoever. That statement could be taken as if I think I am Gods gift, and I am far from that) However, if more women are reading this, think of it this way. You explain your fantasies of a woman, and then you get one with your mans not only PERMISSION but pure excitement about it himself, would you be more focused on a woman that you were only going to have for a couple hours, or your man that you were married to and could have anytime? I think she had a man at home and got her needs fixed there, so she wanted me. This is NOT everyone's 3-some story, but it is mine. We made the mistake of having her to our home. We wanted a safe place for us, we thought it would be more comfortable than a hotel that is sometimes dirty or sleezy.. and trust me, where we live it is about 45 miles or better to a REPUTABLE hotel. Although I didn't give her my home phone, I did give her my cell the day we were meeting in case she got lost. After our sexual encounter, She stalked me, sent me roses, showed up at my job, called 24-7, emailed like mad.... it was awful. Even tho I enjoyed her, I couldn't continue because it hurt my hubby so much. I was DONE with that. Although the experience was fun, exciting and extremely top of the line sexual (even hubby came 3 times), I would NEVER do it again. NEVER! I have GREAT fantacies about being with two men, and sometimes I get resentful that he denies me that after I allowed him to be with another woman right in front of me. But it actually took this post for me to fully understand his denial. I think my friend "CRAZY" and my friend "TELECOM" both told me that it would be hard to watch another man do their woman. Well, if hubby couldn't handle a woman showing me attention, I would assume a man would be worse. Although I am probably the ONLY one on this site sharing my honesty of it being a TERRIBLE experience in the long run for US, I wouldn't have it any other way. THIS is a SERIOUS step for a couple, and you need to be informed of the GOODS and THE BADS before you chose to take such a step. I am so glad you posted this thought, because in the meantime you helped me more understand a situation happening with hubby and I where he denies my fantasy of a 3-some with a man. So thank you for your post, I will NEVER bring a 3-some up with my hubby again, because I am now brought back to his hurt from before. I couldn't imagine how he would feel about a man touching me, if he couldn't stand sharing me with a woman! I hope no one hates me over this, this is just my lone experience, hope it will help in your thought process before you attempt it.... Good luck in whatever you chose, HM2

Thanks so much for those thoughts. I have a question for you. I understand the resteraunt theory, but... if I were at a resteraunt and I wasn't satisfied, I would order more. Why does my husband order the "all you can eats" when we go out? To possibly be satisfied? I understand that it is easier for a woman to go for rounds, we don't have to get hard... I understand that. However, if a man can't last forever, then perhaps he should hold himself off for a while, and not be so quick to feel "complete". I think after much thinking and studying replies on here, I have come to this conclusion. I have given hubby many quickies when he had to run off to work, or came home on lunch, or when he woke up in the night horny, even tho I get up at 5 a.m. every day to get kids ready for school and keep my 2yo through the day, and then work part time out of my home. With a job and 4 kids, I am tired quite frequently. Having said that... on a day off or weekend and we start with the sex, when I want more I think he should go to the ends of the earth to give me more, just as I oblige' him whenever he has desires. I didn't say needs, because his balls wont fall off after missing one night of sex, so I would call that desires rather. Why are womens feelings any less important? I have had private messeges and then some on posts stating that I may be making my husband feel inadequate, but how should I feel any different or less important. What everyone needs to understand is that it is NOT just a womans job to please her man. If a man seriously wants to keep his woman he better step up to the plate and let his gaurd down some too. Let me put it this way. I would be afraid to deny my husband TOO many times with the "quickies". He may look somewhere else. I am not like some of these people who say "if he really loves you, he wont stray".. that is not true. Many couples have one or both that stray KNOWING right away they were wrong. Hey, look in the bible.... adultry was even happening then when Jesus was around the corner! I don't EVER count on love keeping my man happy. Why do men feel differently? I think it is master manipulation for a man to immediately reply to a woman who has just made it clear that she is ready for more, for him to say "Oh how inadequate I feel". He can eat some more, touch more, anything...if he gets aroused GREAT, if not there are MANY ways to have seconds, correct? HM2

I agree that all antidepressents CAN cause these things. However, ANY medication taken for an extended period of time can cause low labido. Lexapro is a safer one though, and not many readings about " woman on Lexapro blows up Federal building, News at 10" either, ya know? ALSO, when my doctor put me on Lexapro, I asked him right then if it affected my sex drive, could we switch medications again? He informed me that you can take MANY medications to help with sex drive WHILE taking Lexapro. He said it would not hurt me in any way to take both. He told me that Lexapro has the LEAST amount of reported incidents of libido problems. Not that he is the MAC DADDY of Doctors, but I like and trust him... Just keep an eye on her and her meds and see how changes occur, if in fact they even do. Take care telecom.. I am chearing for ya doll..... HM2

Well I am certainly not against people pm'ing me either, if it stays at what it should be. I think in the beginning I was more concerned that I was doing something wrong here. I am new to this stuff, and this is the only site I am on trying to "figure stuff out" on. Not like I am a pro at this internet thing. I went from playing cards on zone.com all the way to here, big step. I have thoroughly enjoyed most people here and the advice for the most part is GREAT! I can tell you already that hubby and I are doing better, and I credit my "pals" here, along with myself for being willing to try what you have said. Thanks to all the great peeps out here, and BTW... POOR TELECOM... however, what a sweet guy you are, who wouldn't want ya (gay OR straight) hahaha... and whoever said nice guys finish last, hahahahhahaa... JK, trying to make a funny, all kidding aside it is not funny when you have no desires for that, and it suddenly pops up on your pm. Well, I must go, you guys all take care, and will chat with you soon.. HM2

Telecom, If you re-read some of the last posts, I suggested that you check into Lexapro. I have been on it for about 2 months now, and seems to be working well. I hope it affects her in the same way. I do have to agree with one of the above mentioned, it will CERTAINLY be a while before she adjusts, and she might be a different person all together when it does kick in. Medications work in different ways, hopefully this Lexapro will be the answer. Don't agree with the opinion that Wellbutrin is a sex drive killer. I suppose each person is different, but I was a sex monkey on that stuff. I quit taking it because of the insomnia. I couldn't go to sleep until midnight or 1 EVERY NIGHT, and woke up religiously at 4 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed. The problem was, I would get so tired during the day, a time that I was unable to sleep with a youngin (2 yo) at home. Onto the not understanding antidepressents. My husband picks up and goes too. He has never understood the value of depression. Because he doesn't understand it, it is sometimes hard for him to be sympathetic. Depression is a REAL thing. Some people can deal with it, others can't. To some it is genetic, to some like me it is both genetic but also triggered over and over again by mishappenings in life. Although some serious therapy works well, medications are used to boost better feelings. For you it is working out, for women who feel like there is no time to rest or no time to "go to the gym" it becomes overwelming. You said you did a lot of research on the prozac thing, perhaps you should do a lot of checking into depression, bi-polar disease, skitzos (spell check), anxiety attacks and anything else associated in or about that area. The more you understand it, the better you will be able to be sympathetic to your gal's situation, and the better your relationship will be. HIGH FIVE for the accomplishment of getting off Prozac.. I think this will make all the difference in the world! CONGRATS! Glad to hear things working in a different direction for you... hope to hear better news each time I log on... Take care... HM2

I agree Howard, thanks for the thoughts to the men out here... and I certainly didn't mean that all these men are nuts.. I know better.. thanks again.