Beyondblessed

Hey guys....I havent posted on these boards since before I was married....but I have been married now since december and i think i have a situation. I just wanted to present it and maybe get some advice please. We have been married about 6 months now. The intimacy has been up and down. Alotmore Im feeling like she doesnt like me anymore....seems like nothing is good enough....not just sexually but sex falls into this category. EX: I usually work evenings and when she gets home and I am home, Almost the first thing she does is complain about somthing I didnt do....even if I did alot ofother things throught the day that where fruitful. And this is kinda whereI feel the intimacy problems are. I am attracted to my wife physically but her lackof emotional affection is a GREAT turn OFF. She doesnt want me to masturbate but also sometimes just doesnt feel like helping out either. I ask her what is wrong and she wont tell me alot(it usually is somthing I would consider petty, althoughI take an interest) and I would love for her to ask ME what I think or "what is wrong" but she just doesnt ask or seem to care. She has NEVER seduced me or expressed feelings of sexual excitment (when she wants to have sex, we just "have sex" and I do alot of the work). She wont talk about sexual feelings or fantasies or desires or "fetishes"...I never used to think she was so "reserved" because it was so hard tokeep our hand soff of each other before we where married. She acts very selfish and not "giving" like I feel I act(giving). Sometimes I know when she has already orgasmed and is just waiting for me...she just wants to be done ...like impatient. Sex has gotten boring almost because shedoesnt seem to be involved...she just waits for me to do whatever I do and shes just along for the ride....wont take control or wont tell me what she wants or act sexually involved. I love my wife, thats why i married her, but recently it has been more and more ofa struggle to not look at pornography or to keepmy mind/eyes from wandering. I dont want to be like this but there are times when I cant sleepat night and my mind just runs rampant. Also...anytimeI suggest that we need to talk about things she turns VERY defensive or just gets that deer in the headlight look and says NOTHING. I am commited to this marriage and want it to work for both of us. - Is there a way to get her to loosen up? Relax? Share? Be interested? I have even been thinking about(sorry...we dont drink) trying to get her drunk just so shell open up and lose some reservation or somthing. I just want to have a healthy and intimate, sharing sex life. I would love for her to show interst in sex more, maybe try a toy or two, but she doesnt even want to go to the store to look....just look I dont want whips chains whistles and yoyos, but SOMTHING or ANYTHING other than the Status Quo would be AWESOME. Please and thank you God bless BeyondBlessed

I guess I make things sound worse than they really are. She is my best friend first and foremost, and we compliment each other very well....we both hold very similar spiritual beiefs (which play a great role in our lives). We have alot of fun together and we have the same goals with regards to children, morals, principle, and ethics. We abstained(mostly) from sexual intercourse before we where married due to our beliefs, and are now begining to find out each others sexual torts so to speak. I feel that her rigidity is due alot to the "stigma" that sex is dirty...or "wrong" for a christian woman to explore sexuality. Its not that she doesnt want to please me...because I know that she really does...I just think she wont allow herself to be creative or imaginative. We dont believe in divorce and I will not give up on my marriage....ever. Thats a promise I made to myself, her, and to God....but I am willing to try and work on the things that i see as rough areas. When we have sex or make love it is a great experience and we both experience great orgams or climaxes...sex is satifying...I just dont want to feellimitedto what we can do. I would just like some advice on how I might be able to approach hermore effectivly about getting her to explore her own sexual feelings and fantasies. Thank you God bless -BeyondBlessed

Hey yall...its been a long time hasnt it? Well....life has been crazy and with planning a wedding, marriage, moving 200 miles, and searching for new jobs its been hectic...but Imstill here. I do however havea question or two. I am very open to sexuality(between husbands and wives) But my wife doesnt seem to be I wouldnt care ifshe wanted to perform anal on me because I would love that she was opening upto things....even if I dont have a real desire to do it. But the thing is....she is not explorative at all....doesnt want anal, wont even touch her own genitals. She has tried anal before with someone who was very uninformed and had a bad experienceI guess....plus she thinks it gross or dirty. I try to get her to read articles on this board but she thinks "this board" is nothing more than filthy porn freaks that have no knowledgable insight.....she is very close minded. How can I get her to open up? She said we could try anal once...but she was so uptight I doubt I could have squeezed in a finger let alone my penis. She is dead set that it will hurt even though I know personally that one can relax enough to fit somthing the size of a penis in the rectum without pain....even enjoy it. its not just about anal sex but anything really....shes not spontaneous...or imaginative....sometimes during sex she just stares at me...kinda in a weird creepy way...or cant/doesnt read my body language. I try and tell her these things(hints) or get her to open up but she just over-reacts and thinks that Im telling her that she does everything wrong. She doesnt seem like she listens....just stone faced dead set in her ways. What can I tell her....or show her? Hints...help? Please and thank you God bless -BeyondBlessed

Nah..I think she'd totally do it. Shes gonna be a nurse and shes gonna have to do that kinda thing for a living. I just dont know if Id be all about a finger in my butt...butt ya never know...hehe. You also bring up a good point about the peeing thing, I will work up a good pee during sexual activities. maybe thats it...i just dont ever go pee because I dont want to stop and lose my erection Hmm Thanks for the insight...you rock the board Howard -BeyondBlessed

This seems wierd to me... I have only ever had sex with my current fiance and it was about two months ago. My first time ever having sex, she came in about 10 minutes, but I didnt...we had sex for probably about an hour...maybe a little longer and then stopped because we where tired and she said she was sore. The fastest i have ever gotten off with help from another person was about 15 minutes...for some reason I last a really long time. we have had sex for two hours before, Ive lasted through one hour blowjobs too...i dont get it Its not that its not stimulating to me...it is...I just last...I do sometimes lose my erection after a while though. Does anyone think this is odd...has anyone heard of this before? Is there a way to make me more sensitive?...i know...sounds strange that a man would be asking that. God bless -BeyondBlessed

Hey yall...its been a while since mylast post but school and life have just been crazy. But...I was reading some articles online and came across this one http://www.herballove.com/article.asp?art=217 Copy and past it into your browser and lemme know what you think, because I thought that you couldnt masturbate too much...but i have been having the symptoms that the article describes and masturbate daily. I hate that Im not as sharp as I once was...but maybe its just stress...i dunno But also...I was wondering if anyone has ever noticed a change in consitancy of semen. I hear alot of people talk about semen being thick...more like mucous...but mine is thinner Anyone got any ideas? Please and thank you God bless -BeyondBlessed

I'll look into this....and you make a good point. Thank you God bless -BeyondBlessed

Thank you for your reply Mikayla... I went to see my doctor about an hour ago cause i was freakin out....rightfully so...i wait 21 years to do it now the plumbing doesnt cooperate... But she thinks that its caused by all the stress in my life that my hormone levels are all out of wack Ive got about 4 different part time jobs depending on the day of the week and 4 full-time classes as well as trying to balance the otehr chores of life like house work, shopping, bills, etc....and the recent stress of proposing to my GF(now fiance)....oh...BTW...You helped on that one mikayla...I borrowed the flowersidea and gave it a twist....thank you. As for the personal convictions.....i have done alot of soul searching and come to feel that my level of commitment, in my heart and my spirit to her far surpasses any state issued certificate, and that I am mature enough emotionally, spiritually, and physically to be intimate with her. i dont regret anything that i have done, because it was done with a pure heart and in love, and I dont feel conviction from God. Thank you for your concern. The Doc is prescribing somthing i cant remember the name of right now...but its sposed to help with the hormone levels and make me more regular again...cause I was having other troubles too..like insomnia, jitteriness, and joint pains. But...check this out ...lo and behold there could or dould not be sexual side effects with the drug...but she thinks that as my body regulates itself again I wont have any adverse effects as I am taking no other meds and am pretty healthy. i am also going for blood work tomorrow morning just to be safe. She also leaned to believe that the stress and preformance anxiety contributed as well as spiritual reasons...so we'll see when these darn drugs kick in...I just got worried for a sec. God bless Beyondblessed Youre a blessing Mikayla

well.....anything that turns a guy on alot should help...but sounds like alot of the problem hinges on him. But if you want to try....talking dirty is ALWAYS a good way to rouse a guy up...literally...suprising him in unexpected places...like work...if you want to show up where he works and have a quickie...exciting...the bedroom can loose its flair...cause its so common. Learn a few new tricks too...theres alot of info on this site and alot of pros here...a good way to earn a guys respect is deepthroating....practice and show him...learn to do it seamlessly too...good things to practice on are bananas with flavored condoms(I tried doingn it once and got turned on...and Im straight as an arrow )....thatll spark him FO'SHO...if that doesnt do it ...end it....hes an ice cube. Good luck and God Bless -BeyondBlessed

Ok..letme go over who I am first. I am a 21 year old male, college student, works part time and balances family relationships with everything else in life...pretty busy. I just proposed to my girlfriend friday and she said yes...she is 20. I had sex for the first time with her friday...with anyone for that matter...at 21 mind you. But have been having a few problems and am scared to death now. i am very attracted to her physically and mentally...emotionally..all ways. We had had oral sex before, and it was never a problem...but...she sometimes would have to hold the base of my erection to keep me up...not that i wasnt aroused or turned on...i was.... But when we made love i had a hard time acheiving erections...i was turned on, excited,...the whole bit. And it has never been a problem before..until now. I used to get erection so hard you could cut glass with them...I mean felt like they would burst...could hang stuff from them...like a pair of shoes...lol...but maybe I have mentally trained myself over the years to keep erections down...I mean...who wants to be pitchin a huge tent in class or at work? also we tried to behave ourselves for so long and I tried to be a gentleman that i would try hard mentally to subdue sexual feelings so that we didnt go further than we had set our limits. Also when I masturbate now i can achieve orgasm at onyl about 80% erection...it oesnt have to be hard as a rock..and I dont know how to make it that hard....As of right now I havent had an erection in 3 days....that i know of....but also havent had alot of sexual desire either...I used to have ALOT..ALOTALOT But now I am not performing like I want to...and I am only 21...and scared. also...I might be having some circulation problems...when she was on me...riding me...my legs would get ice cold...dont know why...i try and take supplements like l-arganine and b-6 and b12....niacin. I dont get to work out vigorously in the winter because I just cant work out in the cold so I have stopped running... If anyone has any advice or suggestions please letme know...feel free to share.... one scared young man God bless -BeyondBlessed

First thing I notice is the way she presents herself without saying anything...her smile...her confidence...her warmness...her realness. If she seems real fake and uninterested...shallow and vain its mega turn off time. After that I notice the shape of her jaw line, her posture...shoulders..the way she folds her hands. But first and foremost...smile...sexiest thing on a woman...then eyes. And if we are talking other physical features here...legs and tummy...then her neck. -God bless -BeyondBlessed

Ok...i dont really have a womans perspective here...but I am in a relationship that is healthy and filled with love for each other. let me get this straight...he gets oral and doesnt give?...he wont finger/massage you? You had anal sex and he doesnt want it anymore? and last but not least he TAKES sex from you when you dont want it? I think thats borderline rape...and soundslike he doesnt reallycare about your sexual desires. Sounds like hes a selfish prick if you ask me...please dont be offended by what i say but that just burns my butt. How can you love someone enough to stay with them in commitment for 6 years and not want to make em squirm...writh in pleasure...taste them?....LOVE THEM...i cant. I dont know what taste or smell hes talking about but if you are healthy there isnt much of either..matter of fact...i like what little taste and smell there is. You are half of the relationship, just like he is and if you arent receiving what you are giving...getting what you need and want from/with him ...then ask yourself...is the relationship equal or one sided? If he isnt willing to talk about it openly, if he starts arguments when you bring it up, if he wont open up...than he needs to ....simple as that. relationships involve the giving of two people to one cause. If its only you giving than its not a relationship...is everything else healthy but the sex life? Six years is a long time for a couple to just be boyfriend and girlfriend...how serious is he about the relationship? Maybe im just full of fire and fervor about relationships because I am now engaged to be married to the love of my life as of last friday...but it seems to me that a few changes need to be made. you need to communicate with him, and if he refuses give an ultimatum. Please let me know what you think of what i say and let me know what happens. God bless -BeyondBlessed

The single sexiest thing a girl can do is love me and smile. My girl is sooo wonderful and I just cant imagine why she wants me but shes tells me time and time again that I am everything to her. Sexy/turn on for me is a great honest heart, confidence, a nice happy smile and of course her butt....but thats another story. i am so turned on everytime she says she loves me I wanna either A: Die, or B: Rip her clothes off and show her how much I love her back. But if youre asking for more concrete stuff....sexy to me is when a girl knows what she wants and takes it from you...like if shes in the mood..she doesnt say "lets have sex", she just walks up, undoes your pants, pulls you to the floor and gets her fill...lol...yes...pun intended. -BeyondBlessed

Thats some good stuff....thank you..I'll def give it a try...imjust not real keen on how women work cause Ive been a man my whole life...lol God bless BeyondBlessed