[Love Life Help]

I'll add my 2 cents in for what they're worth.

I pretty much lost most of my sex drive after getting pregnant with our daughter. Try and try as I might, it's hard to get back, though lately, it has surfaced here and there.

From another woman's POV, if a woman is feeling complete, fulfilled in life, sometimes sex takes a backseat. Especially if you've been married a while. Also, most people need only a certian amount of physical contact a day. If your kids are extremely touchy-feely, then she has met her "quota" for the day, she may not want to be touched either.

Now, I get what Howard is saying about the whole wife thing, though I think JOB is a bit of a strong word for it. But I understand where he is coming from. I consider marriage, not a job, but a partnership of 2 people, not businesses. Each person in a marriage has a ROLE, IMO. Though, it is also the husband's role to be understanding and giving, for which you seem to be very much so, which I applaud you for!

Orgasms are a beautiful thing. Maybe she's fallen into a sexual rut, (no pun intended) where the normalcy of what your sex entails bores her. No spontinaity. Though that seems to be hard to do with your active lives with and without the kids.

Ask her, nicely, and not when you're feeling "lonely". Just part of a conversation, if maybe she wants to try something new, is she bored, or what.

Good luck!

[Finding Love Online]

I personally have never met up with anyone that I met online. Although there is one special lady that I would love to meet.

I do have a friend that has been married to her husband that she met via the internet for about 7 yrs now, and they are very happy together.

You really do have to be careful, cuz lots of ppl are less than forthcoming online. And why should they be? The internet is one of the safest ways to fulfill fantasies, become someone/thing you're not, and who will be the wiser?

[How Many Different Places Have You Had Sex Other Than Bedroom?]

Hi Val!! It's about time!!

I forgot about the camper!!

That reminds me....

Tents, camper, a store I worked at (a drive up Beverage Barn) on a cooler, and behind shelves, when we had customers, he had to hike his pants up, wait on them with a raging one, then come back!

[Cheated On]

Thanks for sharing your story Sam7970. I know that was hard for you to do.

All I can say is that any man that respected you, while you knew this relationship was more or less an open one, would use condoms at all times!! Sleeping around, whether in an open relationship or not, is the smartest and best thing both partners could do.

It almost sounds like you are scared to move on, that you don't deserve to be happy with anyone else. Well, you are worthy!

But, for now, have a little (safe) fun, date~which doesn't mean you gotta sleep with every man you go out on a date with either, go out with girlfriends, which can sometimes be WAAAAAY more fun anyway. Reconnect with your family. Live for YOU. Be selfish with your time. You do have that right!

If he calls again, for more or less a BOOTY CALL, I hope you are smart enough and more importantly, strong enough to say NO, go back to your fiance'. Cuz if he lied to you all that time, he will do it again. He had the "perfect" set up there. His cake, frosting, AND baker!! (Have his cake and ate it too.) Don't confuse lust for love. There is a difference.

His lying to you the way he did was a form of betrayal, him telling you he wasn't sleeping with her, when he was, qualifies as cheating. And I think you are smart enough to realize that.

I hope you find happiness!!

[How Many Different Places Have You Had Sex Other Than Bedroom?]

I've only had 9 partners, but we've all been pretty creative. Let's see.....

The lake/beach (with kids wondering what the hell we were doing), beach (sand does suck), in a little Subaru XT in the woods (very small, had to do it in the front seat), in a Chrysler(?) Colt Vista wagon (LOTS of room there!!), hot tub, pool, at an unused quarry (out of the water on the granite), in my Firebird, in 2 different Jeeps, the woods at a college, on the back deck of my friend's mother's house, in the woods (also took nudes of me with pine trees, very pretty), all floors of the rooms of the houses I lived in, in my bed at my mother's, in a boathouse, in my ex's Nissan 4x4 (he stood outside in the snow and I lay on the truck's seat), in the back of my friend's Chevy Blazer, on the washing machine, bathtubs, in my current hubby's Jeep in a thunderstorm (probably not a great idea in the south in a corn field due to the big risk of tornadoes that time of year), the garage, the cellar, my best friend's bed....

I'm sure I am missing some....

[Cheated On]

Well,, yes I have been cheated on. Several times, actually. When I was younger, I always thought it was MY fault that the guys cheated, but later on, I realized, that they were boys, and if they were gonna get some on the side, there was nothing I could do about it. I actually had one ex want to get back with me years later, after sleeping with my step-sister in high school, saying that he regretted cheating for a long long time afterwards. And that she wasn't that good to have done that to me anyway. Plus, he realized what he had once I was gone. I went out on 2 dates with him, but never could get past that.

My ex husband cheated on me, mostly cyber, I think. But I am 99% sure that he cheated on my physically too. He was extremely high-maintainance, always needed me to compliment him, yet rarely doling any out himself. And I was his trophy wife. I'd known him since I was 14. He was my first, but we broke up and were apart for about 10 yrs, got back together, he broke up with his fiance' for me. But I got suspicious when he got a pager, then got accused of stealing at his job. He had quit drugs for years, but I think he went back to them while we were together.

Anyway, my father died in 98' and I got a life insurance policy, so I was his sugar-momma for a while, til I got tired of it and got to thinking about everything. I have a hard time loving someone I don't respect. The bank he got a loan for his truck for (before we were married) called, and he was 6 payments behind on his truck!! I was like WTF?? Where the hell does all your money go, cuz I don't see it!

Then I found out from some friends that he'd been going online under my SN, and I am all about giving some private things here and there. I'd created his SN and password, and went in, and saw he'd been reading my e-mails, not that I had anything to hide, but he accused me of cheating on him online. Yet, I would find him online at the wee hours of the morning, with the door to the office shut. We were the only 2 living in our apartment, so there was no need to shut the door. He was very secretive. After I got to thinking about the lack of support physically, financially, emotionally, I told him I needed a break while he went with his friends on a yearly week-long fishing trip he and his friends went on.

I went snooping, and found saved pics, disks, e-mails and chat logs proving that he was a major hypocrite. He was cheating online, and they were LOCAL girls, so I am almost positive that he went to meet a couple of them. He is the type to fall for flattery, and love attention to the extreme when it comes to women, and flirting. I doubt he will ever be monogomous with anyone.

I felt stupid, made a fool of, and upset. But at least we never had kids together!! I try and think of it as a learning experience. I don't wish him ill or anything. And he's dropped out of my life, even though he owes me over $5k now. Probably WHY he's dropped out of my life!!

[Looking For A Good One For Wifey]

Well, I don't have any realistic ones, but Jessica's Strobing G-Spot Vibrator really is a great one to behold. It really does light up all over the place, it's curved to get the G-spot, fairly large, 8" I think, and it hasa great, strong vibration for added pleasure on the vaginal walls.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4725

[1st Toy!]

I don't get anything that resembles a real penis either. Never thought of why, just thought something a little bit brighter, would be less "intimidating". And it worked. Hubby uses toys with me more and more when we do have sex, and even let me use one on him the last time too!! Major big step there for us!!

[What Is The Best Sex You Have Ever Had]

The sex that I have with my hubby is awesome, don't get me wrong, and I feel guilty that one of these isn't with him.

The first one, really wasn't one time, per say, it was more like a time period. When my FWB (friend with benifits) were fooling around, while still up north. Especially our first time. It started out on the couch, and we ended up having sex in his water bed. We'd known each other over 15 yrs, and there was always a sexual tension between the 2 of us, but we never were "free" at the same time to fulfill our desires. Afterwards, we were both like HOLY SHIT!!

We had sex in my bed, in the woods at a college (way cool!), in a friend of mine's pool (nobody else was there), on is back porch, his truck...it was always great!!

Then there was the 20 yr old before my husband. He was 8 yrs younger than I, and was very energetic!! He could've been a GQ model!! He was cute, funny, and well-hung. I remember one time, we were going at it, and he had a closet next to the bed. Both doors of it were mirrors, so we watched each other, and having lots of fun!!

[Do You Like To Read Erotica?]

I'm talking like those Letter magazines, or even novels, short stories, whatever?

I love to read, and erotica is great!! I am a very visual person, and several times, I have felt the warm rush of blood heating up my lower regions with something I am reading.

I'm not talkin' those cheezy Harliquin romance novels (but some of the vampire novels I read can really do it). I even like the Letters sections in Hustler and Playboy.

What's your favorite type of reading material?

[1st Toy!]

I'm a little late to this party too!

But, in cases of any newbies, let me also suggest, like I recently did to a now very happy friend, for a first toy that you plan on using with your SO (significant other) just a clit stimulator, such as the Hustler Rock It Clit stimulator.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4680

This thing is awesome!! And it doesn't resemble a penis at all (great idea BTW, Mikalya). This would be less intimidating, easy to manuver, and can be used on both partners.

My husband was hesitant at first, with any kind of toy, saying that if he "did it for me" then I shouldn't NEED a sex toy. I had had sex toys before I met him, and he knew this, but I kept telling him that it was for added pleasure, not replacement.

[Anal Or Vaginal]

I would have to say vaginal. The 2 guys I tried anal with, were rather too well-endowed for a newbie anal try-er, IMO And my hubby now is too big to even try to go there!!

[Two Heroic Statues.]

I've seen this one before, and thought it was very funny!!

[Do You Think A Certian Amount Of Jealousy Is A Good Thing?]

I use to get jealous all of the time, when I was younger. Then I realized that it just didn't help anything. And if a partner is going to cheat, there is nothing YOU can do about them cheating. They will do it no matter how jealous and possessive you get.

I would ENVY some people for what they had, look like, or whatever, and still do occassionally. But I think everyone does that. Hence why cosmetic surgery is SO popular!!

I do enjoy it when my hubby gets a little "possessive" in public, like putting his arm about me and stuff. But that's only cuz he's not an overly physical person to begin with. That, and we don't go out much now!!

[How Many Partners?]

Total lovers: 9, all men.

Have always wanted to try with a female though.

I did do heavy petting with 3 other guys, but no intercourse or oral sex there.

I lost my virginity at age 16, in one of my best friend's bed.

First blowjob when I was 17, with my third partner.

I am 33 now.

[Need Slim G-spot Vibe]

I too have the Jessica's strobing G-spot vibe. That thing is awesome!! And my lights work, though I laughed at the thought of a lighting up vibrator. Reminds me of the lights that they use blinking on an airport strip *makes come this way motion with her arms* C'mon in for a landing baby!!!

It is wide, so use lots of lube!!

[Kids And Sex Toys]

Also, try one of those college lockers? They come in a variety of sizes, due to dorms being small and crowded. Or even a single (or even 2) drawer file cabinet. Use it as a little nightstand or something, lock it, and put the key somewhere safe in the bedroom, like a jewelry case.

Right now, I have what little we have in a plastic tub under the bed, but I will have to get a small case or something soon.

Good luck!! Kids are quite resourceful!!!

[Devinn Lane's Reflective Emperor]

Whoo-hoo!! That bad boy looks interesting!!!

I too like the colored ones, like purple, pink, maybe even black. The "flesh/natural" colored ones kinda creep me out, like it was hacked off some dude or something.

[Need Slim G-spot Vibe]

I too, have meoments of "dryness" too. We use the basic KY jelly, no warming gel or anything. Could be something that makes the lubricant "warm up" burns her too much to handle? Just use the basic lubricating jellies. Something that is natural like the Astro. The more natural, the better.

That Slender G-spot vibe that comes in pink or purple looks like it would do the trick, IMO. Although, like the review said, I also prefer a softer feel. Something a bit more gentle for extended play.

It's hard to get over the stigma of MBing being "bad for you" if that's what you grew up believing. It's hard to let loose and relax if you feel like you're doing something totally wrong (or some of us actually LIKE that idea LOL ). It will take some time for her to be comfortable to MB. Just let her try on her own, and when she wants. Give her some privacy about it. Then one night, ask her to show you (after you know she's done it a few times). Let her know that it excites you. That, for me, would be all the encouragement I would need.

[Help! Using My New Rabbit]

Just like with any kind of physical stimulation, it depends on what YOU like to have done. Some like harder or more intense clit stimulation.

I had a Butterfly type thing. It was gold, and I never did like that thing. I had a friend who LOVED hers!

My advise, is to try it a few more times, maybe even exciting yourself with your tried-and-true BOB friend, and then go from there. Or have your BF use it on you when he gets back. Maybe there's too much concentration on your part.

Or, accept the fact that that thing may not work for you, and go pick something out that you think interests you a bit more.

Sometimes, picking out sex toys for others, unless you REALLY know them, is like trying to pick out a book for someone. Everyone has different tastes, like different story lines, and so on.....

At least your BF tried to do something nice for you.

Good luck!!

[Do You Think A Certian Amount Of Jealousy Is A Good Thing?]

So long as it doesn't get violent, or paranoid, do you think that a bit of jealousy on your SO's part is a good thing?

[I Need Advice!]

Mikala made a good point. What you're doing is good too. But, if there are ANY doubts, just come out and tell him something direct, like "I am so glad I have you as such a good friend, I would hate for anything to come between us." Or, even better (maybe) "You do realize that we're just friends, right? I love you as a friend, and hope that'e enough for you." Blunt, but to the point.

My Freaky Friend with Benifits was off and on about it all. He acted as though he wanted to go date, but if I looked at another guy, or had one that was definitely interested in me, he acted all wierd. When I did finally start truly "dating" he insisted on MEETING my dates!! We were roommates (with another girl he wound up with and they have a child now), so he made it sound like he was doing us a "favor" by being protective!!

Later on, when I finally moved out, I kept telling him that HE was the one that didn't want anyone to know we were sleeping together, and HE was the one that kept insisting there was no romantic attatchments, and that all of that was FINE by me, since I was divorcing at the time. HE was the wishy-washy "I want my cake and eat it too" guy!

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

[Question For Ladies]

I use to be very loud!!

But now, with a very small house and a daughter whom is a light sleeper, I am much more quiet, but definitely not silent!! And I verbalize.

[Auto-blow]

All I can say is WOW....

[Best Oral For A Women]

Oral sex, for both partners, requires much feed back, and I do mean verbal. Moans are nice, twitches are better, and clamping one's head while thanking the good Lord is best, but verbal gets you there.

I laughed a lot when I read this, not only cuz it was funny, but because it is true!!

The other thing I have to agree on, and relate too, is having Daddy help with the kids and some minor housework to help Mommy relax, so later on she can be WIFE (they're different roles, hence the different terms). You can't really go from picking up toys, cleaning diapers, scrubbing peas off the floor, to instant sex kitten.

Ever since having my daughter, I too, haven't really wanted a lot of sex, much to the grumblings of hubby. Self-esteem issues, lack of help around the house, no quality alone time, and lack of sleep, well, they all take a toll on one's sex life. Plus, I work nights, he works days, so we both get little sleep. And, even though mothers sometimes can "go right back to sleep" after they have satisfied their husbands, it is not always the case. Esp. with newborns. Dr's aren't kidding when they tell a new mother "sleep when the baby sleeps" cuz that's the only sleep they can get! And I'm not sure about the men, but when I get little to no sleep, the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius ain't got nothin' on me!! It's not pretty, and the LAST thing I want is to be touched. I am, in expert's opinions, a BITCH when I have little sleep. And I admit it. So, yes, been there, doing that, and our daughter is 3!!

The best thing to do, is to help her out-without being asked (this will mean more than a bouquet of roses~trust me!), be patient, show appreciation, help her out (worth mentioning twice), give sincere compliments, not only of how good a mother she is and what a good job she is doing, but sincerely how attractive you find her.