So true it was a shell. I have received a lot of good input and advice from folks here, as well as, some friends here at home. I actually spent my first evening out, like out with my friends, in seven years, last Saturday. It was an eye opener. Several of the things I have heard here were echoed in person. What I thought was admirable action to stay for the kids was really just naive and chicken on my part. I know I have a role to play in this, but I feel intensely angry. I guess that will run its course, but it feels bottomless at the moment. I have no idea where to go from here. Thanks for the best wishes. i owe the lot of you for your kindness. cheers