jhard

Another great song is "Love me like a song" by Kimmie Rhodes and Willie Nelson. Not really a "sexy" song but a great love song. j

Alcazar Ménage A Trois j

imnosaint, Forgive me if I tend to be a little blunt. From what you have posted, I would say you have to a certain extent "made your bed" and now you find yourself having to "lay in it". I can't say how much that matters but suffice it to say that at times any one of us can be our own worse enemy. I am referring to your basically giving her the OK to mess around several years back. Do not take that lightly. As you mentioned, she caught you offgaurd years later when she said "I am ready....." and you did not know off the bat what whe was talking about. Obviously, your words got her mind spinning.....for a long time. So, now you are knee deep in the stuff. From what you have written, I would say your wife's engine is running on FEELINGS and FEELINGS only. I would think it paramount that your engine run on HISTORY, COMMITMENT, STRENGTH and above all LOVE. You are still her man, don't give up on that before she has given up on it. If you stand there defeated she may well think leaving is the only thing left for her to do. Man, if you care about your marriage and her and want it, don't give in to mister half/century gut sucker. Present to your wife the winning option, you. I understand that you have a child together. In terms of your family situation, you will never find a woman (nor she a man) that is more related to your child! Nor anyone who cares more about the child and is willing to raise it/them. To a very large degree, we create our own future. Right now your wife is not "herself" and what happens may well depend on how you deal with all this. Maybe good to go to mexico (dodge a few bullets:) ) for a few weeks away from Mr. Ab Washboard and reconnect. This is exactly what happened. Shut the back door and make the front door more attractive. I do not know if you are a milatary man, but if you can you should have the kind of talk with him that makes him shit his speedos. j

How could I ever forget you? I have a photographic memory! Welcome back, hope things are all good for you. j

Your position is admirable and I share it for the same reasons. I have not always managed to maintain it as well as I would have liked. The "straw that broke the camels back" for me happened one anniversary night when I was getting some oral and she looked like she swallowed pure poison when she got a little precum and exclaimed "not for another 10 years, if this is what you want go and pay for it somewhere". When I planned an exquisite vacation and asked her what she thought about it she said she did not want to go since all I wanted to do was fuck anyway. Well excuse me for wanting to fuck with my wife, I thought. Hundreds of situations like this over many years causing who knows how many sleepless hours and thoughts of suicide and at times resentment so thick that you could cut it with a knife all finally led me to basically give up on someday finding the passion I hoped to find. As I turned another decade older I could not shake the thought that I will have lived and died and never even had one decent blowjob, to completion and beyond. As an aside, I will say that our situation recently has improved. In part because I found out that you can not find meaningful intimate passion by paying for it so that option has lost its flavour, in part also because I feel badly about my shortcomings and I suppose am therefore willing to exercise more patience yet in waiting and hoping for a higher degree of intimate passion. j

What was he like before you got married? Although in the minority, there are some guys that just have a very low sex drive. I know of families where low sex drive runs in the family through generations, with most of the males just about indifferent towards sex. From a guy's perspective, I think the best course of action may be to be upfront and ask him what is going on. You don't want something like this to drag on, it does'nt get better on it's own. j

You would'nt happen to be aka the one and only Miss Peak of days gone by? Anyway, welcome back. j

I am not sure that differentiation is at the base of all this. I read the book by Schnarch and at one point was ready to go there for help in solving some issues. Logistically difficult for me so it never happened. The way I see it, you could be well differentiated till the day you die and still have never experienced the intimacy you long for. Without a doubt a certian degree of differentiation is healthy, but to think that being maximally differentiated will bring about change in one's partner is to me, living with one's head in the sand. I know of two cases where infidelity was the shock that woke up the low libido/lazy lover to the seriousness of thier situtation and both situations did wonders for the couples sex lives. Some people won't change until something absolutely forces them to change. j

Hopefully your lover is also your wife or SO! The best thing that I can think of is to paint your partner a picture of what your "perfect" love life would be like, and that you want her to share it with you. Ask her what she thinks about it or what her idea of a perfect love life is. After that you can talk about how the two of you can go about changing things to get there. I am coming to believe that there is little the high desire partner can do to change the low desire partner. The problem with patience is that some day you will be old and probably unable to perform anyway and you at some point have to ask yourself if you are either going to do certian things or will have lived and died without doing them. Maybe an ultimatum would work better than beating about the bush, I don't know. I guess you could also do what millions of people do, that is be all smiles and polite and fuck like rabbits with someone on the side. An aqauntance of mine who cheated on his wife said that his wife became way hornier after she found out about his loose canon, she is now determined to be the one to empty his sack. He says he can't keep up with her nowadays. Oh well, if we're lucky one day well be senior citizens on a bench drinking and laughing about all our concerns in our younger days.

I am happy for you. I can only imagine that this makes your whole marriage that much better. Like you, I have also almost given up at times. Did you do anything to bring the change about or did it just happen? What about her, what does she say brought the change about? j

I am happy for you. I can only imagine that this makes your whole marriage that much better. Like you, I have also almost given up at times. Did you do anything to bring the change about or did it just happen? What about her, what does she say brought the change about? j

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You summed it up very well, Mikayla. I'll add that if wives were more understanding or caring about pleasing their men sexually that escorts would have a lot less work. It always amazes me how many wives refuse to satisfy thier men orally. If a woman is not at least trying to satisfy her man she should count on him looking elsewhere. This works the same for men that do not at least try to satisfy thier women. j

Normal men are wired to look at the feminem figure. It could be of thier wive's, the Victoria's Secret model, or the figurine in the ladies clothing shop window. It could also be porn on the net. It is all based on the same natural instinct/curiosity/desire. I think addiction is the wrong word to use for something that is so basic to the male sphere of interest. I have had spells where I viewed a lot of porn and others where I viewed little to none. I do not feel guilty for most of it. What I enjoy most is any "porn" that depicts true "love making". Porn where women are slapped around and choked is a turn off and makes me glad that I am not so vile a man as to enjoy the degradation of so beautiful a being as that of a woman. For a normal man, seeing a woman (hopefully ones SO) deeply enjoying and longing for pyhsical intamacy is about as big a turn on as can be. j

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