Alantis

Hi. So I'm at a total loss on how to handle this. The first year or two we seemed to have sex fairly regularly, at least once a week or two which I'd be ok with. We've been dating for 5 years now and I can't tell you the last time we had sex. Maybe several months ago. We are a younger couple (I'm 33, she's 27) and she just has no interest in it. So there are several things working against us. For starters, my peak horny time of the day is in the AM and hers is in the PM. She has body issues, which I constantly tell her that she's beautiful. I try to go out of my way to tell her not too often, but during times when I'm hoping it seems sincere but random. She recently had an injury of her leg where I think she sprained it and rather than going to the doctors is just trying to muscle through it. Idk how much of that she is using as an easy excuse or not. I'm trying my absolute damnedest not to put any kind of pressure on her with the situation. Maybe some kissing on the neck while holding her close and dropping a subtle (or sometimes not subtle lol) hint that I would like if we had sex. This is met with almost an instant no. When that happens I do my absolute best to respond with an "Ok" and then move on to another topic. I'm really trying hard to apply no pressure here by saying "Ok" in a sour, or manipulative way, bc I don't want sex just bc she feels guilty. She almost always tells me she feels guilty about it anyways no matter what my efforts are. She is very closed/guarded when it comes to sex. I feel defeated and frustrated. I don't even know how to approach the subject. I feel like we are in this loop of I ask, she says no. I try to be as reassuring that it isn't a big deal and that it is ok to say no, sometimes you just aren't in the mood. Her saying no when she knows that I have needs makes her feel guilty which makes her reinforce her walls that much stronger. I don't require a lot of sexual attention, but I need something. I feel that a sexless relationship is indicative of some issues. Her's, mine, ours...it is all kind of the same at this point. Ideas or thoughts on how to break through this?

Coming from a guy's perspective, if your man is stressed out it affects sex in a lot of different ways. Take my last gf for example. I hadn't been with anyone in years, so I was very nervous and I think it was keeping me from finishing for hours on end. It was very frustrating for both of us bc she was worried she wasn't doing something right, and i was worried she was worrying she wasn't doing something right which compounded the issue. She was really cool bc she didn't let it show that it bothered her and she kept trying different things. Eventually she found what worked for me and got our sessions down from 3-4 hours to 15-20 mins (so that we could have more of them.) Long story short, be cool, be patient, and experiment. Some of those suggestions from before were really good. I hope this gives you hope that 1) you're not alone with frustrations like this and 2) that it gives you hope to try new things. Best of luck!

Very true. TPBM enjoys having little ones around the house.

These are actually my first and so far only sex toys. I think I posted somewhere else about these actually. I like them, the sleeve was a bit tight at first but I grew to enjoy it. Work is really weird and they are goofing around with my hours which is frustrating but I'm thinking of making another purchase bc of this one. I'm not sure if I'm considering getting a sleeve that vibrates or a cock ring that vibrates but once I get my hours straightened out at work I'm planning on doing some shopping. I'm glad that I was able to get this without spending a lot to kind of get my feet wet so to speak. Btw the rings work to make me feel like...My cock is swelled? I just feel like I have more gurth, but I already have some issues reaching an orgasm as of right now so I'm nervous using them bc of some of the warnings you hear about having them on for an extended time. That's why I'm debating between the vibrating cock rings or sleeve.

Very True, very sick. TPBM is dreading work tomorrow.

Closet

True. I'm on the 4th day of the week and I'm going to have over 50 hours with myself being scheduled 3 more days. TPBM is considering shaving their head.

True. Someone at work called in. I've been working 11-12 hour shifts with 8 hours off inbetween them since Fri. TPBM needs some time to themselves.

True, since I am up at 2:31am. TPBM likes to bite (playful or otherwise, I leave that up to you.)

lol, that's too funny. I guess what you're into watching kinda plays a role in it as well. I'm kinda weird but I like to watch ppl and figure them out (No, I'm not talking about porn or porn actors/actresses lol).

Do any of you ladies find yourselves being turned off to porn with a plot bc you find yourselves relating it to something that's happened in the past?

Welcome Freak! German accents are sooo sexy. *drools*

Have you ever lost interest in something that you really found appealing before a break up? I don't find lesbian sex all that appealing anymore. Let me explain, the first girl I ever had sex with was a fucking psycho. She'd cut herself and show me it to make me worry about her and she was just too intense for me. I was only 14 at the time and extremely naive (lol prob still am). After I broke up with her she told me she was pregnant with my baby, grabbed a knife and held it to her throat. She told me she was going to kill herself and our baby if I didn't go back out with her. I freaked and ran out of the room. She was in and out of school for awhile due to constant attempts at suicide. I left that school and went to another one and it's obvious to say that I have some issues over sex. Then years later I ended up meeting my highschool sweetheart. This girl and I had AMAZING SEX. She's one of two girls who's ever taken the time to get me to two orgasms and it's really hard for me to have one, let alone two. Oh, and I take forever to cum and she was able to get me off in 5 mins once or twice which is a record for me lol. We then started talking about maybe having a 3 some. I was totally into it bc she wanted to have it with another girl. A couple weeks into us talking about this and me talking about it during sex, we broke up. A month later she was dating a girl she was living with. I was crushed. For the longest time I thought it was ME that drove her to becoming a lesbian and I kept wondering what I had done wrong or what I could've done better. Looking back on it years later and with awesome friends to talk it out with and therapy I realize she always was a lesbian at heart. She never had any boyfriends other than me and one asshole. I think with me she was trying to be "Normal" (dear lord I hate that stereotype, and her family probably pushed that idea into her head)with me, but you can't deny who you are. I don't hold anything against her and the relationship for what it was, was freaken amazing. I've dated another girl in the past few years who I think was bicurious and Idk, the idea turned me on but at the same time I still had so many issues with her leaving me for a girl that I'm kinda turned off to the lesbian/3some thing. Sry, long post, anyone else find stuff like that though? That you were once really into something but a bad break up or whatever turns you off to it? And are there any ppl out there who have gotten over things like that?

Ok, so I've noticed that a lot of women comment on liking porn with some plot to it. Not every woman on the site, but quite a few and I've had ex's who seem to get into ones with plot FAR more than the random sex scene ones. What is it about it that turns you ladies on? I like a bit of a plot every now and then bc I feel like I can kind of get into it a bit more. You know, like you could see yourself doing what's going on the screen. The problem with that though, is that often times I might relate the person on screen to someone I've had sex with (especially if it's a good scene). So then I start thinking about the girl and past feelings come up...Oh! And there goes my erection...*doubles over in pain* and here comes the blue balls. I guess that's why I like scenes with groups to them. I don't get attatched or relate to it much at all I just get off on thinking of me doing one of the MANY things that's going to this girl. That's as into the movie I get and it doesn't go over board and I'm able to have an orgasm better. So there you have it ladies, I've offered some insight from a single man's POV as to why we like to watch porn with or without dialogue, what are your thoughts on the why you like to watch porn with or without dialogue?

I hate to see a girl gag from a cumshot bc I'm right there with ya sweetheart! I love it when you see a girl watching a couple and getting off from it. Or group sex.