What Your Gf Won't Admit To You About Sex

[Mikayla1]

OK, so today I was having a conversation with one of my very best friends, who happens to be a man. We had a very enlightening conversation regarding the 'woman pact' - you know what I mean, how we women have a tendency to stick together, to give encouraging words, to agree with everything even though we may not REALLY agree. We sometimes tell little white lies to help our GF feel better. Well, some women do. I prefer to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Anyway, this got me thinking about what women DO tell each other that really may not be the whole truth. I thought I would lay out a few things, just to kind of break that barrier. Now women, don't get all 'she broke the bond of truth' and freak on me. I am just trying to shed some light on things.

So, here are some 'lies' or 'mistruths' that some women tell their GFs when they come for advice:

(1) It is not required to have oral sex. So, how many of you have told your GFs that oral sex is not something that men need when one of them complain about giving head? You stroke your friend's hair and say, 'oh honey, they don't NEED a blowjob, just move on to sex!' NO NO NO. While oral sex for either partner is NOT 'required' - it is definitely a healthy and natural part of sex and a relationship. DO NOT do your friend the injustice of making her think that it is not. Also, if you are a woman who doesn;'t like to give head; then tell your friends that! Don't try to get more women on the anti-blowjob bandwagon by telling these lies. Men LOVE blowjobs - they do want them, and if they are giving you oral, they should have them. Period.

(2) Porn is bad and men that watch it are pigs. "Oh honey, if he is watching porn, he is going to get addicted to it and he won't need you anymore!" LIES - DIRTY LIES! Men are visual ladies, and porn is adult entertainment for men AND women. Have you tried watching porn? Have you seen how it can be a fun entertaining activity for you as a couple? Do you know that sometimes men AND women need to just watch a little porn, have a little fantasy and have solo time? Porn is not the root of all evil - and many, if not most, men enjoy it. Now, I understand that porn is not for everyone, but to tell your GFs that porn is evil is just....wrong. If you don't like porn, say 'I don't like porn' - don't make up circumstances that won't happen.

(3) If he doesn't get an erection when he sees you naked, he is not attracted to you! "What do you mean he felt you up and didn't get hard? Oh, he must be gay!" Yes, it is true, some women actually expouse this nonsense to their unsuspecting and naive GFs. Listen, men are not a lightswitch ladies, you can NOT just flip the switch and they get erect. Men need a little....inspiration. They need to be seduced as much as women do. You simply can NOT lie there and expect an erection to happen. Especially if they are older. While there may be some men who can pop a woody just by thinking about sex, the truth is not all men can. So, to tell your GF that her husband is not into her or is gay because he is not sporting wood in 2 seconds is just plain CRAP!

(4) Sex once a month is more than enough. "Sweetie, what are you a sex machine? He doesn't need sex more than once, maybe twice a month. Geesh, tell him to get off you!" I actually heard this conversation on the train once. I sat there thinking that I should stay out of it, but found myself leaning over the seat and saying, 'What? You are not seriously telling your friend that sex once a month is OK? What is WRONG with you????' Listen, while no one can dictate how often a couple should have sex besides that couple, the fact is, if one person in that couple is wanting more sex, then there should be a conversation about meeting in the middle somehow. To tell your GF that she shouldn't be expected to have sex more than once a month is simply stupid. Who are you to give such advice?

(5) He wants you to wear lingerie because he wants a whore. "He wants you to dress up sexy? Why? I know why honey, so he can imagine he is banging a whore. You don't have to degrade yourself that way!" Ladies, ladies, ladies....lingerie is more for US than for THEM. Yes, men are visual as discussed, so they do like to see you looking sexy. However, when we wear lingerie we feel sexy, sensual, and as such, act more confidently. So, if you GF mentions that her BF wants her to wear lingerie, ask her how she feels about it and perhaps suggest she try something that makes HER feel good. If you do not like lingerie, then just say it. To suggest that any man wants his partner to wear lingerie because he wants to fuck a whore is just, well, again, RIDICULOUS.

(6) He wants anal sex because he is gay - or, anal sex will hurt. "Oh honey, if he wants anal sex he must have homosexual fantasies!" OR "DOn't have anal sex, it hurts. You don't have to do that!" Ugh. Yes, UGH. First, anal sex is a private decision between the couple. Don't suggest to her that him wanting anal makes him GAY! Lots and lots of STRAIGHT men LOVE anal sex. Also, anal sex does NOT hurt. IF you really want to help your GF, then tell her to get educated on anal sex. Point her in the direction of some good articles (hint, hint) and let her make her own decision.

(7) Faking an orgasm is OK, everyone does it. "Well, if you are just not getting there, just fake it. He won't know; and men don't care if you fake it. It is good for their ego to have an orgasm." WHAT? HUH? NO NO NO NO NO!!!! Who is saying such crap? One of my best friends actually told one of our mutual friends this last year. Seriously, ladies, do NOT fake orgasms. Men DO know, they DO care. Moreover, why do you WANT to fake it? Don't you WANT to have a REAL orgasm? What you shoudl tell your GF is to teach her BF how to give her an orgasm - or - how she can give herself one during sex. Again, help her to get educated about it, don't tell her just to fake it. UGH!

These are just a few examples. I find it appalling that we would tell our BFFs such CRAP! I would never tell my friends these things! I think being a good friend means being honest, helping our friends to find the answers or education that they need, and telling them what our OPINION is, but not proclaiming it as truth. My friends know when they ask Mikayla a question, that they will get honesty. I think my friends appreciate that. I really do.

Any thoughts???

[ladylove]

I just had a conversation with my daughter about the last one: Faking an orgasm or not having one. Her college age girl friends told her not all women are able to orgasm , which we all know isn't true, you just have to learn and find what works.

I've always encouraged my daughters to have private time and masturbate, which they thought was "OMG Mom"! I'd let them know I was serious, and hoped they would be proactive for themselves. Now the conversation is about needing to figure out what works for her so she can eventually help her partner learn what works.

Was this talk hard, you bet! But my daughters sexual being is more important to me than my own comfort.

***I never had to encourage my son, I said something to him once and he said, " Mom, Really? I have it under control" My husband talked to him about all kinds of other stuff.

[mystofpric]

Wow, my girlfriends and I clearly are different. My friend from work was talking to me about her and her boy friend and she mentioned something about a strap on and how weird it was for her, and I told her nope, totally normal. She complained about new having the energy for sex and i assured her that sometimes all he really wants is a BJ but is trying to go the extra mile for her, but not to flat out deny him anything unles your really 100% impossibly in the mood.

Mikayla, whoever these women are that are spreading such lies should be shot. or at least sent to us.

Lady~ My sisters and mothers believe that female masturbation is wrong and that male masturbation should be the but of jokes. I tell them that I love my dongs and dildos and they'd be happier if they had a few! As for my brothers i just told them that if they needed lotion not to use my expensive stuff and to buy their own! I do wish more parents were as enlightened as you! I might have had an orgasim before age 20 then!

[raniedaize]

Mikayly, I loved this post! I added my own little commentaries to the points you brought out. <3

1. IT IS NOT REQUIRED TO HAVE ORAL SEX

I'm a firm believer in reciprocity. If he goes down on you, it's only fair that you go down on him. But if you just cannot bring yourself to giving it, then there at least definitely needs to be a reciprocation of something special! So you don't like dick in your mouth. Do strap-ons phase you? No? Does he like receiving it in the ass? Yes? Problem solved! But, reciprocation is key. You either both give and receive nothing or both give and receive SOMEthing. And this stands for both sides. A person shouldn't be forced to give anything if something pleasureable isn't also received. Communicate and compromise, people!

2. PORN IS BAD AND MEN THAT WATCH IT ARE PIGS

Porn can make me feel awkward, but what other people watch is their business. But, if I'm tired--or we're tired--and watching a few minutes of whatever just so happens to serve as juuust enough inspiration....we're both happy. That, or we're both pigs! hahaha! >>oink oink<<

3. IF HE DOESN'T GET AN ERECTION WHEN HE SEES YOU NAKED, HE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU

When I see my man naked, I certainly am checking him out with my eyes. Alas, my crotch is not a faucet. And if I don't necessarily start gushing immediately myself, why require different standards from him? Still wanting you and having an erection are two totally different things.

4. SEX ONCE A MONTH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

Um, maybe if he's got cancer and can't do more than that. Otherwise, WTF????? Hell no! My libido is faaaaar too healthy for such a starvation diet. Talk about sexual emaciation! Okay, I gotta stop before I rant a little too much over that pure absurdity.

5. HE WANTS YOU TO WEAR LINGERIE BECAUSE HE WANTS A WHORE

Sure, I can play that role!

6. HE WANTS ANAL SEX BECAUSE HE IS GAY-OR, ANAL SEX WILL HURT

They say prostate stimulation gives the same sensation as a female orgasm (anybody ever wonder who supposedly figured that out, and HOW?). Who wouldn't want to share such things with their man? Orgasms are GREAT!! If he wants to know what that feels like, okay. And, it won't hurt if you would just r-e-l-a-x.

7. FAKING AN ORGASM IS OK, EVERYONE DOES IT

Well, I certainly don't! If you're not doing it for me, then I'm sorry honey, you just gotta keep working at it. Maybe that's considered heartless, but faking is deceitful. It's a flat-out lie! Plus, more damage is done by making him realize you've given up on him and his skills than by giving him opportunity to achieve what he's trying to do by walking him through it. A woman's vagina is a dark tunnel, give the poor man a light to see the path!! Otherwise, he'll just keep banging into all the wrong places. And remember, it's just like a roadtrip too. Men don't always stop for directions, so provide your fellow with a map when he starts making all the wrong turns.

[ladylove]

Lady~ My sisters and mothers believe that female masturbation is wrong and that male masturbation should be the but of jokes. I tell them that I love my dongs and dildos and they'd be happier if they had a few! As for my brothers i just told them that if they needed lotion not to use my expensive stuff and to buy their own! I do wish more parents were as enlightened as you! I might have had an orgasim before age 20 then!

:lol: My kids think I'm the least enlightened person in the world, but thanks.

[pappyld04]

My kids think I'm the least enlightened person in the world, but thanks.

You have to wait until they have kids of their own for them to see the brilliance! Until that point we are usually just the people they have to tolerate because we pay the bills!

[pappyld04]

(5) He wants you to wear lingerie because he wants a whore. "He wants you to dress up sexy? Why? I know why honey, so he can imagine he is banging a whore. You don't have to degrade yourself that way!" Ladies, ladies, ladies....lingerie is more for US than for THEM. Yes, men are visual as discussed, so they do like to see you looking sexy. However, when we wear lingerie we feel sexy, sensual, and as such, act more confidently. So, if you GF mentions that her BF wants her to wear lingerie, ask her how she feels about it and perhaps suggest she try something that makes HER feel good. If you do not like lingerie, then just say it. To suggest that any man wants his partner to wear lingerie because he wants to fuck a whore is just, well, again, RIDICULOUS.

This one I really have a problem with. IMO, This is more about the lady and self-image. Clothes do not make the person and the words "whore or slut" tend to take over here. That distracts from everything that really matters here. In your home there is nothing to say this is wrong. Be a slut, be a whore, if you choose to be. You and your SO are the only ones who decide if it is wrong or right! Let NOONE else determine your limits for you!!!

[sass]

Great post Mik! I am so glad my friends are not like this and don't expect me to be either. They pretty much know I am going to give them the truth, even if it hurts. But, I do know women who are like that and I kind of feel sorry for them. They just don't know what they are missing.

[harmanwk]

Mikayla, I liked your post. Well, for the most part.

I disagree with you on your first point. Essentially, I don't want my wife to feel like she MUST do something just because I want it or I went down on her so she must do the same. Sometimes she says she will "take care of me." I don't tell her no, but I prefer that she wants me like I want her and not just "doing her wifely duty." Apparently some women don't mind giving a blowjob immediately after intercourse. If by some strange whim my wife did so for me, should I feel obligated to return the favor even if the thought of "cream pie" is not applealing to me?

This kind of goes along with agreeing with your last point about faking orgasms. If you care about your partner there should be honesty in the bedroom and faking an orgasm is like lying. If she does not reach an orgasm and SHE wants to stop and move on - well we move on; no need to fake an O for my sake.

Thanks for your post Mikayla

[Mikayla1]

Here is the thing: of course we don't want either men or women to feel like they MUST do anything, that goes against the principle of a healthy relationship. However, if a man wants a blowjob or a handjob, has repeated asked his partner to give him one, has been patient and not demanding AND goes down on her, does he not have the 'right' to at least be upset when she won't try? Same for women, if you are going down on your man daily and he never goes down on you -well, I think you have a right to be upset about it. The fact is, oral sex for men AND women is healthy and satisfying. For we women to be telling our GFs that men don't want oral is BS! Seriously, I know very, very few men who would turn down an enthusiastic BJ. There is also the key: ethusiasm and enjoyment. No man nor woman wants to peer between her legs and see a look of disgust or disinterest; active and enthusiastic particpation is the key.

Now, as for your analogy of 'giving a BJ after intercourse or the creampie scenario' - well, I will eagerly give a BJ after intercourse (and I know many women who will do that as well) and I do know many men who would go down on their partners after ejaculation. It is a preference thing - but you know, I doubt a man is going to complain if this is the ONLY time he doesn't get a BJ (same with women) so.....not exactly a direct analogy, but I get your point.

Thanks for the comments!

[sass]

Here is the thing: of course we don't want either men or women to feel like they MUST do anything, that goes against the principle of a healthy relationship. However, if a man wants a blowjob or a handjob, has repeated asked his partner to give him one, has been patient and not demanding AND goes down on her, does he not have the 'right' to at least be upset when she won't try?

YES!!!

[prodrag33]

how many men in here eat creampies from their wife?

how many women in here love to have their creampie eating?