Question About Butt Plugs Vs. A Real Penis

[Kama]

I tried a butt plug for the first time, and it felt GOOD. However, when I had anal sex in the past with partners..It hurt. I know we weren't doing it the right way, such as lack of lube, me not being properly relaxed, not being with the right person, etc.

Is a butt plug supposed to feel the same as a penis? Or, is a butt plug just lighter and contoured to not cause any pain? It would at least reassure me that anal sex in the future would work for me, as long as I'm fully lubricated and relax.

[Mikayla1]

Good question!

Actually there are probably a few things that contribute to your liking a plug better. First, there is no reliance on another person for insertion. You can go as fast and as slow as you want. You are probably not as nervous as you would be with a partner (therefore, not clinching your anal muscles as much) and thereby making insertion smoother. Second, you mention that you didn't use lube with the partner. BIG NO NO!!! Lube is a must, must, must with anal play! There is no natural lubrication in the anal canal and the tissue is very thin and easily broken. LUBE UP to GO UP! Third, there may be a size differential between plug and real penis. Plugs are smoother and stiffer (less give than a real man) and go in easier.

Here is the long and short of it: anal sex should NOT hurt. If you are going slowly, taking time to inch yourself in, using LOTS of lube....I MEAN A LOT and have a caring partner - pain should not happen. Discomfort, maybe; but pain no.

Did that help?

[Kama]

Yes, definitely! I do prefer starting out slow vs. just having something jammed into you abruptly.

The butt plug I bought was from the website. It's cone shaped and has a square at the end...pinkish red? Let's just say I never knew how good anal pleasure could feel until I bought that toy.

[Tyger]

Also, anal sex takes an ENORMOUS amount of trust. You having control of the toy, vs. someone thrusting in you may be too much for you to deal with, at this time. Besides, I NEVER recommend that a newbie start out with a penis for anal play. You need to train yourself, and your anus to relax, and accept things UP inside of it. Let's face it, it's meant to push things OUT, not have them put up inside! There's a kit, Julie Ashton's Anal Kit, that has about 4 plugs in it, of various sizes, that will help your body get use to different sizes. I wish I could find the lube that it comes with sold seperately, cuz that stuff ROCKS!!!

[Kama]

I completely agree Tyger, but I had the unfortunate experience of being with males that didn't realize this. I had an ex that thought a woman was a wimp if she couldn't take aggressive anal sex.

I'm glad I'm not the only woman that prefers anal play when lubed and relaxed.

Has anyone else has the experience of a male partner trying to pursue aggressive anal sex with you without any lubrication, foreplay, etc?

[mailahn97]

There's a kit, Julie Ashton's Anal Kit, that has about 4 plugs in it, of various sizes, that will help your body get use to different sizes. I wish I could find the lube that it comes with sold seperately, cuz that stuff ROCKS!!!

I started out with this kit as well and it was a huge help. Also having a very caring and patient partner helped. Anytime I would tense up, tear up or seem like something wasn't right he would either stop or make sure I was alright. There were times I was trying to convince him that I was fine when I wasn't...lol. He knew better. It just takes practice, patience and lots of lube.

[Mikayla1]

Has anyone else has the experience of a male partner trying to pursue aggressive anal sex with you without any lubrication, foreplay, etc?

As a matter of fact, my very first anal experience was forced - he came home drunk, no lube, no foreplay, just rolled me over and jammed his cock up my ass. I tore, I cried, I bled like crazy. He kept up only for a few seconds (thankfully) before he came, withdrew and passed out. I went to take a bath and bled all night. I had to wear a pad for 2 days.

It is amazing that I actually came to enjoy anal sex after that!

[ilovebabyjada]

As a matter of fact, my very first anal experience was forced - he came home drunk, no lube, no foreplay, just rolled me over and jammed his cock up my ass. I tore, I cried, I bled like crazy. He kept up only for a few seconds (thankfully) before he came, withdrew and passed out. I went to take a bath and bled all night. I had to wear a pad for 2 days.

It is amazing that I actually came to enjoy anal sex after that!

that is so sad!! some guys.

my man has no desire, at all, for anal play. so it's kind of a relief & a pain at the same time... but our sex life (when we actually have sex) is wonderful without it... so far. lol!

[hyokahey]

As a matter of fact, my very first anal experience was forced - he came home drunk, no lube, no foreplay, just rolled me over and jammed his cock up my ass. I tore, I cried, I bled like crazy. He kept up only for a few seconds (thankfully) before he came, withdrew and passed out. I went to take a bath and bled all night. I had to wear a pad for 2 days.

It is amazing that I actually came to enjoy anal sex after that!

That both angers me and breaks my heart.

[Mikayla1]

That both angers me and breaks my heart.

Thanks for the sentiment Hyokahey.

I was young, inexperienced, newly 'in love' with this man who I stayed with for many, many years. This particular event pales in comparison to what he did to me at the end of our relationship and what he did to me after we had broken up. He was evil incarnate - literally, evil in every way - and this should have been the first indicator of what he truly was. I think what this told me most was to listen to that little voice that says "RUN" that we all hear sometimes. I learned to overcome what he did to me, and became the strong woman I am today - but I tell you, no one should have to endure the things I did.

[Kama]

I'm really sorry to hear that, Mikayla. He does sound like a monster. I'm glad you were able to recover and leave.

I don't mean to go off track, but while it's good to hear that are some patient and caring partners..It also brought back flashbacks of exes that said "A girl who can't take anal sex is a wimp. Other girls don't complain. What's wrong with you?" I internalized what they said, and let them penetrate me when in pain. I kept hoping the pain would go away, but it obviously wouldn't given the conditions. Chances are other girls that they were with might have done the same thing. Just kept quiet when in pain. It felt like being ripped apart, but I was being blamed for feeling that way.

I'm glad to know that the truth was that they themselves weren't doing it right. It was all about what felt good to them, and not me.

Like you said, if anal sex hurts..it's not being done right. Who is the one penetrating? The guy. If it's not being done right, the girl shouldn't be soley blamed for experiencing pain.

[Mikayla1]

Listen Kama, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My aforementioned partner would tell me the same thing (and we were into BDSM, so it seemed....logical) but the fact is, while there are certain activities that you KNOW will cause some pain (such as nipple clamps) anal sex should NOT hurt. Any man who says that is just wanting to hurt you. A loving and caring partner would NOT want to hurt you in this way. They would want sex to be enjoyable and pleasurable for BOTH of you.

So, if you get that feeling that your partner just doesn't care about your pleasure and just wants to 'get off' at any cost - RUN AWAY! Anal sex can be wonderful (I really have enjoyed it though the years despite my horrible first experience) as long as you have a caring partner who listens to you and YOU have to listen to your body. Read my article on Anal sex in the article and tip section - I am sure it will help you the next time you want to try anal!

[Kama]

Thank you for the kind words and insight, mikayla! I'm reading your articles right now. :)Like you, I had the gut feeling that these kind of men are dangerous, BUT people invalidate you and tell you that their behavioral is normal and caring.

In the meantime, there's nothing like being your own best lover..I will probably have to look into that kit.

[12GAUGE]

My first anal sex was much like Mikayla related. Basically I was raped. I was just 18 and hadn't even lost my cherry to a gal yet so I had no idea.

It wasn't until years later and a few scattered gay episodes where I finally became ok with gay sex. I've found out lately much to my dismay that the truly hot guys that I would like to bed down are 'bottoms' like me. There's this way hot guy that tends bar where I've been going and I told him I'd love to have him fuck me but like me he prefers to be the fuckee as opposed to the fucker. I reckon the next time I go in there I'll just have to hang a bandanna out of my right rear jeans pocket and let the 'tops' cum to me. . .

[elise]

I tried a butt plug for the first time, and it felt GOOD. However, when I had anal sex in the past with partners..It hurt. I know we weren't doing it the right way, such as lack of lube, me not being properly relaxed, not being with the right person, etc.

Is a butt plug supposed to feel the same as a penis? Or, is a butt plug just lighter and contoured to not cause any pain? It would at least reassure me that anal sex in the future would work for me, as long as I'm fully lubricated and relax.

Lots of good replies here already, and Mikayla, I am soooo saddened by your tale. Thankfully you were truly resilient enough to get out and to move on with a good and loving man. The fact that you even learned to love anal sex with your husband is a testimony to your positive attitude and your inner strength. Good for you!

Kama, I am very fond of both anal intercourse and butt plugs. If you read the various threads on this forum on how to ease your way into having anal sex, you'll get all the info you need, and I've posted many times on how I got to the point of loving anal sex as much as I do, so I won't repeat myself here... but I will offer a couple of ideas & suggestions about anal plugs.

First, don't stick with just one. I have a fair collection of plugs now, from slim to OMG-Huge, some with vibration built in, some not. Different plugs for different occasions. I can insert a slimmer plug and leave it in for hours, or use a larger one when I masturbate or am in bed with my husband. The slim-to-medium plugs have a tendency to fall out, so if you're using one in public, I recommend you wear a really solid leather thong or an actual buttplug harness that will force it to stay in your ass. Also, tight jeans will hold a plug in very nicely, but the plug has to have a narrow base or you'll have an embarassing tell-tale bulge. But my point is that different plugs have different uses... self-pleasure, preparing your ass for your man's cock, or as an accessory for use during other sex acts.

Since you've found a butt plug that feels good inside you, you've already made the first big step successfully. I encourage girls to try using it in lots of different ways. Try inserting it when you're riding in the car (let your man drive... I find I get way too distracted by the sensations in my ass to concentrate properly on driving), or even better, riding on the back of a motorcycle. After a couple hundred miles of bumping down the road with a plug in your ass, you will be smoking hot and ready for anal sex with your man, I assure you!

Also, you can try wearing your plug out on the town, but remember to wear a harness or leather thong to keep it in. There is a deliciously naughty feeling being out in public with one's anus penetrated.

But it's in the bedroom (or in whatever room you and your man prefer to fuck!) that plugs really come into their own. Plugs can be used in foreplay to ready your ass for your man's cock: we almost always use a toy in my ass prior to anal sex, often two or three plugs of increasing size during our foreplay so by the time I'm ready for his cock, I'm REALLY ready; you can also insert a plug while you or he use a vibrator on your clit, which for me leads to explosive orgasms. Inserting a vibrating plug and leaving it in during vaginal intercourse can be wonderfully stimulating for both you and your man. And having a really large plug in your ass while your man fucks your pussy from behind is good beyond belief.

One of my favorite anal experiences of all time was a few years ago when my husband and I went out for drinks with friends, and while we were dressing he started kissing me and getting us all sexed-up. One thing led to another, and before we left the bedroom I bent over the bed with my skirt up and let him insert a really good-sized plug into my bottom, and cinched it in with a my tightest leather thong. We went out and had a great time with our friends, not the least of which because I was getting incredibly turned-on by the plug and my husband was getting steamed up knowing what was going on under my dress. When we got home we barely made it to the bedroom before he had me bent over and de-thonged and was driving his beautiful big cock into my pussy. His thrusts also rammed the butt plug in my ass, so it felt like I was being fucked by two huge cocks at once. Heaven! In no time I had one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had in my life, and my husband creamed a gusher in my pussy while I was still coming. We fell into bed and before we were done I was well-creamed both front and back.

So don't be afraid to experiment with your butt plug(s), and let us know about your successes!

[Wisconsin Cougar]

My 1st experience with anal was also brutal, my boyfriend I had before I met my husband was to say the least not so satisfying. He was a heavy drinker and would show up drunk and wanted laid, he too man handled me and bent me over my couch and just rammed his disk in my ass, I know I screamed and fought but he didn’t get to finish as I turned around and slapped him o hard he left pissed off. That was the last time I was with him ever. 

However now I really enjoy anal if done patiently and gental. I have had my greatest orgasmes getting my butt stuffed. 

[Big and Bi]

On 6/1/2010 at 12:50 AM, Kama said:

I completely agree Tyger, but I had the unfortunate experience of being with males that didn't realize this. I had an ex that thought a woman was a wimp if she couldn't take aggressive anal sex.

I'm glad I'm not the only woman that prefers anal play when lubed and relaxed.

Has anyone else has the experience of a male partner trying to pursue aggressive anal sex with you without any lubrication, foreplay, etc?

Luber is a must with me. I don't have a lot of anal so I'm right, but love anal with the right person!!!

[beyourgurl]

On 6/1/2010 at 8:06 AM, Mikayla1 said:

Good question!

Actually there are probably a few things that contribute to your liking a plug better. First, there is no reliance on another person for insertion. You can go as fast and as slow as you want. You are probably not as nervous as you would be with a partner (therefore, not clinching your anal muscles as much) and thereby making insertion smoother. Second, you mention that you didn't use lube with the partner. BIG NO NO!!! Lube is a must, must, must with anal play! There is no natural lubrication in the anal canal and the tissue is very thin and easily broken. LUBE UP to GO UP! Third, there may be a size differential between plug and real penis. Plugs are smoother and stiffer (less give than a real man) and go in easier.

Here is the long and short of it: anal sex should NOT hurt. If you are going slowly, taking time to inch yourself in, using LOTS of lube....I MEAN A LOT and have a caring partner - pain should not happen. Discomfort, maybe; but pain no.

Did that help?

exactly my thoughts

[beyourgurl]

On 6/1/2010 at 10:33 AM, Tyger said:

Also, anal sex takes an ENORMOUS amount of trust. You having control of the toy, vs. someone thrusting in you may be too much for you to deal with, at this time. Besides, I NEVER recommend that a newbie start out with a penis for anal play. You need to train yourself, and your anus to relax, and accept things UP inside of it. Let's face it, it's meant to push things OUT, not have them put up inside! There's a kit, Julie Ashton's Anal Kit, that has about 4 plugs in it, of various sizes, that will help your body get use to different sizes. I wish I could find the lube that it comes with sold seperately, cuz that stuff ROCKS!!!

also, starting on top of him so you can ease your ass down at a pace that feels right for yourself

[Gypsy G]

On 6/1/2010 at 3:50 AM, Kama said:

I completely agree Tyger, but I had the unfortunate experience of being with males that didn't realize this. I had an ex that thought a woman was a wimp if she couldn't take aggressive anal sex.

I'm glad I'm not the only woman that prefers anal play when lubed and relaxed.

Has anyone else has the experience of a male partner trying to pursue aggressive anal sex with you without any lubrication, foreplay, etc?

I have had this unfortunate event… it really shut me down form even trying again for a really long time. I was fortunate enough to have a partner that was patient and loving took it slow I realized that it did feel good with correct person done the correct way… I enjoy it but not every time if we get too carried away it can still lead to pain … 

[Femmebilly]

On 5/31/2010 at 6:06 PM, Mikayla1 said:

Good question!

Actually there are probably a few things that contribute to your liking a plug better. First, there is no reliance on another person for insertion. You can go as fast and as slow as you want. You are probably not as nervous as you would be with a partner (therefore, not clinching your anal muscles as much) and thereby making insertion smoother. Second, you mention that you didn't use lube with the partner. BIG NO NO!!! Lube is a must, must, must with anal play! There is no natural lubrication in the anal canal and the tissue is very thin and easily broken. LUBE UP to GO UP! Third, there may be a size differential between plug and real penis. Plugs are smoother and stiffer (less give than a real man) and go in easier.

Here is the long and short of it: anal sex should NOT hurt. If you are going slowly, taking time to inch yourself in, using LOTS of lube....I MEAN A LOT and have a caring partner - pain should not happen. Discomfort, maybe; but pain no.

Did that help?

Yes lube is very important. I choose to wear a plug before receiving anal sex.