Jump to content
Official Community Forums Home

Why Men Are Really Addicted To Porn


Mikayla1

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I found this interesting article on Lemondrop about how men 'use' porn to self soothe. I found it an interesting article because it addresses more than just the fact that men are visual. I would love some comments on this:

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/05/26/why-men-are-really-addicted-to-porn/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yup.

Does that mean you agree Hyokahey? I thought that for a little article it made some very common sensical points.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Newbie

If the SO can't due to health problems, then the stress relief can help keep the marriage alive. Otherwise men will start looking and you know what that leads to. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I found this interesting article on Lemondrop about how men 'use' porn to self soothe. I found it an interesting article because it addresses more than just the fact that men are visual. I would love some comments on this:

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/05/26/why-men-are-really-addicted-to-porn/

Normal men are wired to look at the feminem figure. It could be of thier wive's, the Victoria's Secret model, or the figurine in the ladies clothing shop window. It could also be porn on the net. It is all based on the same natural instinct/curiosity/desire. I think addiction is the wrong word to use for something that is so basic to the male sphere of interest. I have had spells where I viewed a lot of porn and others where I viewed little to none. I do not feel guilty for most of it. What I enjoy most is any "porn" that depicts true "love making". Porn where women are slapped around and choked is a turn off and makes me glad that I am not so vile a man as to enjoy the degradation of so beautiful a being as that of a woman. For a normal man, seeing a woman (hopefully ones SO) deeply enjoying and longing for pyhsical intamacy is about as big a turn on as can be.

j

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Does that mean you agree Hyokahey? I thought that for a little article it made some very common sensical points.

You make me smile, Mikayla! :)

Yes, I do believe that porn viewing can be soothing. There is an element of the 'hunt' in finding pleasing images that I believe is ancient and primitive. When a guy is surrendering to his more primitive self; operating in the 'hunt zone', he is at once alert and very active, but also strangely relaxed, in his element.

In addition, combining porn with self stim (most guys can last waaay longer when masturbating) can result in a dissociated, or trance state that increases alpha brain waves (like in meditation and tantric sex).

....didn't you hear all that in 'yup'? ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

very interesting article. i never thought about masturbation as a stress reliever. i mean, i masturbate and it is a special "me" moment and probably relives stress. i never thought there would be a difference in the way masturbation makes a man feel, and how it makes a woman feel.

nice comment from jhard about "lovemaking". that's the kind of porn id like to watch. not two unattached people just having sex for the camera.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really enjoyed that article. I can see their points too. Very informative. Thanks for sharing!!! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OK,,will try to be brief. Men are visual. Women(most) are mental. Guys will look all the time. My wife knows if a girl walks by in a bikini I will look,,not drool! She can also look at a guy walking by. I might like an outfit and see if she would like something close to it. Porn,,some times I(or both of us) will watch it,,it gets my "blood" pumping so to speak. Some times she likes to watch something. We dont watch choking, ATM(gross) or violent stuff. Now spanking is OK,,not beating! LOL. Some times she does not want to watch any movies,,I need to focus on her and also mind fuck her! Massage,give her a drink(or two) of wine,play with her hair....Please dont think less of us guys because we look at a porn. Some times we just want to see some crazy stuff!

If she is gone for a few days I might masturbate because the "blue balls" hurt. Men think of sex @ 1,000 times a day. Women,,,I dont know so chime here ladies.

As a woman---I COMPLETELY agree with you and understand.

Yes, men are visual. Woman are too though. (some more than others)

And yes----I think of sex quite often during the day !

(especially as I've gotten older !)

I do not think less of my husband for looking at other woman.

I actually point out all the "hot" woman to him !!

I love to look at beautiful women also. (Sometimes more than men !!)

Although I am not "bi-sexual" in the true sense of the word.

I do understand the reasons why men look at porn.

I see nothing wrong with it. I myself enjoy watching porn.

I definitely enjoy watching it more than my husband. It helps with masturbation sometimes and can also be a sexual enhancer when a couple watches during sex.

I have read some of the previous threads on here regarding porn.

There are lots of women who are very offended by it for one reason or another.

In MY opinion I think that insecurity plays a HUGE role in that.

Some women feel that their partner would expect them to look or act like a "Porn Star" or maybe that they wouldn't want them anymore.

Basically, men just want a little "something" to help with visual stimulation and sending them "over the edge".

We women have our own "alone time" and men should be allowed to have theirs !(with or without porn) I mean---women use toys don't they ?? Do the men get upset about that ?

Do they think that because we're using toys that maybe we don't want them --that they're not enough for us ???? No, not usually (unless THEY'RE insecure)

So, with that being said, Porn is usually simply a "Tool" for men (and women)

just like "Toys" are for women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

"But what do you think: Is being so stressed out they can't cope why men feel the need to seek out inspirational graphics and take matters into their own hands?"

I didn't really see anything in the article that addressed sex or porn addiction. I mean it just sounded pretty typical. It talked about pros and cons to porn and yadda... I didn't agree or disagree although I do wonder sometimes if "stress" is a real reason to masturbate. I think horniness is! I mean granted I am a woman but if I am stressed the last thing on my mind is, "gee I really need to cum right now" It IS an escape for sure so maybe that's it. However, I prefer to escape with my SO. ;)

It has its place, it can be a good thing in moderation, and it can also be a very bad thing for some people. It all depends on your situation and what you like, I feel. For me, my house is porn free and I am happy with that. Our sex life is crazy, unbelievably satisfying like I never dreamed, in fact... we make our own videos!! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What can I tell ya? I like happy endings! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I mean granted I am a woman but if I am stressed the last thing on my mind is, "gee I really need to cum right now" It IS an escape for sure so maybe that's it. However, I prefer to escape with my SO. wink.gif

This is just the point: sometimes men especially just need to rub one out! Just DO IT. Not have to worry about pleasing another person, they just need to get the itch and scratch it and not worry too heavily about having to please their partner. They can go at the pace they like, as fast or as slow, and think about whatever they want. Since, statistically, men think about sex at least a few times a day (not every 10 seconds, that is not a proven statistic) but women only think about sex about once a day, and more likely once every few days. In fact, only 60% of women think about sex once a day on average. So, men, in reality, think more about sex. While there are exceptions to this rule (like myself, who thinks about sex a lot and every day more than once a day) the overall difference in libido and sex drives for most couples causes a skew in satisfying sexual urges.

So, if you have a partner who doesn't really want to have sex as much as you do, how do you supplement: Masturbation. As men are visual, porn is a great aid to add some inspiration and to just fuel the fire to get the job done.

Also, Sun, you may have a 'porn free' house, but there are always images that are pornographic to men (and women) that are not actual 'porn.' Just sayin'! :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mikayla, I love your analogy ! Yes, I agree---at times men need to just "rub one out".

My husband uses this expression all the time.

If some women are having a hard time understanding the stress and masturbation

correlation you could liken it to the satisfaction that SOME women get from

scarfing down a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream when they're feeling stressed !

It's the same thing ! (Well.....sort of....I enjoy cumming more than eating, but that's just me !)

I do agree with some of the others that if men are watching porn and masturbating continually 24/7

and excluding their partner altogether-- well then, yes it may be time to call Dr. Drew !

I also agree with the point you made about how there are lots of things that are "pornographic"

to some men but aren't actual porn. This is a PERFECT example of what my husband loves.

He LOVES to look at pictures or videos of women dressed in sexy clothes, tight fitting jeans with high heels

AND he LOVES to see women smoking !!

This is "porn" to him and this is what he wants to look at

when he just wants to "rub one out". I have no problem with that.

Everyone is aroused in different ways by different things.

I know exactly what turns him on and I will go out of my way to dress

in the way that excites him when we spend time "together"

when we're not having our own "alone time".

And YES......occasionally I will "smoke" for him and "perform".

It makes me feel sexy because I know he loves it and it makes it so much

more exciting for him (and me)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Now there's one lucky feller.

Wouldn't it be nice if we ALL had this much enthusiasm for our relationships? I know that through the years satisfying fantasies has been high on my list! I have spoken about it before, we have done role play, dressed up, met each other at a bar and pretended we didn't know one another, gone outside our 'comfort zone' to be erotic and seductive. As WendyNY points out, it is important to honor what our partner wants or likes. If they have things that turn them on, why are we not more interested in being part of that fantasy?

I mean, it is common sense, really, if there is something easy that we can do to enhance the sexuality, why won't we do it?

Something as easy as sitting in lingerie smoking a cigarette? COme on now - how basically sexy is that? If we could do that for our partners - and they could do it for us - then we would certainly have much more exciting sex lives, would we not?

Also, to add on the thought we had previous, it is important to note that for most men, sexual excitement during 'alone time' does not come from the inspiration of their partner. No, they mostly fantasize about that sexy barista at Starbucks, or the waitress with the low cut blouse. Men like variety - even if they are faithful in their real life, they are usually not in their fantasies. Contrarily, most women will either insert the unattainable movie star (i.e. Brad Pitt) or their husband / lover into their fantasy time. While there are exceptions to this, this is mostly the case.

So,to suggest that men are not using 'porn' to come by their masturbatory inspiration is simply not true, as men have a personal porn script in their heads that do not include you ladies - and this is normal and healthy.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Also, to add on the thought we had previous, it is important to note that for most men, sexual excitement during 'alone time' does not come from the inspiration of their partner. No, they mostly fantasize about that sexy barista at Starbucks, or the waitress with the low cut blouse. Men like variety - even if they are faithful in their real life, they are usually not in their fantasies. Contrarily, most women will either insert the unattainable movie star (i.e. Brad Pitt) or their husband / lover into their fantasy time. While there are exceptions to this, this is mostly the case.

So,to suggest that men are not using 'porn' to come by their masturbatory inspiration is simply not true, as men have a personal porn script in their heads that do not include you ladies - and this is normal and healthy.

Mikayla--your comment made me think about an article I just read online

( The "Ask Jake" column----I love "Ask Jake" I've read this column for years.

The column is funny and definitely puts you inside a man's head )

This particular column addresses this exact point----

Men DO fantasize about other women during sex or "alone"--

Usually about women they've been with or know. They replay scenes over in their head.

Yes, women do the same thing too. I have a constant "porn scene" in my head.

It's what sends me over the edge.

(Although Brad Pitt does nothing for me ! Usually I fantasize about tits and "gangbangs"

I just love watching all those men getting so excited about getting to fuck one woman)

Enjoy the article !

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/05/jake-the-guilty-little-secret-he-hides-in-bed

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I read that article - it was a great one!!!

I think that for women, we want to be the ONLY one our men fantasize about - because, to us, if he thinks about another woman he must not be turned on by us. This is simply NOT true. First, a man isn't going to sleep with a woman he finds repulsive. So, ladies, if he wants to sleep with you - HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU. Second, men don't want the porno princesses - what they want is for you to be as open to sex and sexual activies AS the porno princesses seem to be! Many women are just insecure with this reality - and it is a shame, because to think that this is not going on in their mind is just naive. I, personally, hope that my HB is thinking about other women besides myself, cause GOD KNOWS I think about other men. I too have a recurring 'porn' scene in my mind - it is personal porn, a past experience per se - but it is my inspiration many times. Does it mean I do not love my hb? Absolutely not. It means that this other person really turned me on and as such it is a good 'go to' vision for me.

The fact is, whether we admit it or not, all of us have different things that turn us on. We should embrace it and understand it and just allow our men to have those fantasies and not be threatened by them. While none of us want our mate to 'scream another person's name' during orgasm, a little help in the seduction department never hurt, did it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Also, Sun, you may have a 'porn free' house, but there are always images that are pornographic to men (and women) that are not actual 'porn.' Just sayin'! :)

You KNOW it!! LOL some of the most random things get my mind going! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Everyone is aroused in different ways by different things.

I know exactly what turns him on and I will go out of my way to dress

in the way that excites him when we spend time "together"

when we're not having our own "alone time".

And YES......occasionally I will "smoke" for him and "perform".

It makes me feel sexy because I know he loves it and it makes it so much

more exciting for him (and me)

ABSOLUTELY!!! and IMO as it SHOULD be!! Turning him on, knowing he wants me is a HUGE turn on for ME also! Win/win! <3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Some men look, if they don't have an addiction no biggie. I know my DH love me and is loyal and at the end to the day it's me only me. If he want to look at a sexy women or peek at porn every now and then ok. As one of the posters above my DH will look at women in lingerie, stuff like that, very soft.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
  • Members

Just my own thoughts from my own perspective as a Man coming from a recent very stressful Divorce.

I dont believe there is any more stress put on any Man or Woman than divorce, especially after 20 years of marriage. Yes, I knew long ago our divorce would eventually happen, as we had separated 4 times before, only to work things through for the sake of our children. Once the children were old enough, and wise enough to understand our situation, it was time to part ways. The stress was still there however as I ultimately sacrificed everything, opting not to fight in court (We had fought in court previously during other separations, it wasnt pretty).

However, during this most stressful process, very rarely did I ever think of Sex, much less pornographic material (whether video or anything else). My Male morning Hard On was very far and few between, as sleep was almost non-existent.

It was a long process, but its over and I am a happier Man for it. My sex life is almost back to normal, I wake up with "Morning Wood" again ( Good to know my dick is still functional), and Im in a relationship with a woman I think the world of (but it is a Long Distance Relationship (figures)). When we are together, Im the happiest man alive as Our sex together is the best Ive ever experienced.

So, just from my own personal experience, using stress as an excuse for Porn, I Dont Buy Into It. But that is just my own personal life experiences.

B)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Just my own thoughts from my own perspective as a Man coming from a recent very stressful Divorce.

I dont believe there is any more stress put on any Man or Woman than divorce, especially after 20 years of marriage. Yes, I knew long ago our divorce would eventually happen, as we had separated 4 times before, only to work things through for the sake of our children. Once the children were old enough, and wise enough to understand our situation, it was time to part ways. The stress was still there however as I ultimately sacrificed everything, opting not to fight in court (We had fought in court previously during other separations, it wasnt pretty).

However, during this most stressful process, very rarely did I ever think of Sex, much less pornographic material (whether video or anything else). My Male morning Hard On was very far and few between, as sleep was almost non-existent.

It was a long process, but its over and I am a happier Man for it. My sex life is almost back to normal, I wake up with "Morning Wood" again ( Good to know my dick is still functional), and Im in a relationship with a woman I think the world of (but it is a Long Distance Relationship (figures)). When we are together, Im the happiest man alive as Our sex together is the best Ive ever experienced.

So, just from my own personal experience, using stress as an excuse for Porn, I Dont Buy Into It. But that is just my own personal life experiences.

B)

I would agree stress is a poor excuse. What about now? Do you have any interest in viewing Pornographic material, ie: movies, magazines, etc...? If you do why do you watch it?; masturbation, watch with partner for fun...?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I would agree stress is a poor excuse. What about now? Do you have any interest in viewing Pornographic material, ie: movies, magazines, etc...? If you do why do you watch it?; masturbation, watch with partner for fun...?

No, I really dont watch porn. Dont get me wrong, I am not offended by porn, nor am I turned off by it. I just dont have a need to watch. I have of course seen or watched some porn, but I couldnt tell who's who in the business.

When I have watched it, it was more while flipping channels, and not purposely seeking out porn.

But I am not judging anyone who watches porn, I just dont believe you need an excuse other then you like to watch and it may sexually stimulate your needs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

No, I really dont watch porn. Dont get me wrong, I am not offended by porn, nor am I turned off by it. I just dont have a need to watch. I have of course seen or watched some porn, but I couldnt tell who's who in the business.

Interesting...

I always thought all men sought it out at one time or another, guess I'm wrong.

Basically, your saying, you don't seek it out but you won't turn it off either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Interesting...

I always thought all men sought it out at one time or another, guess I'm wrong.

Basically, your saying, you don't seek it out but you won't turn it off either.

No, Its not what I said, hahaha. Im not prudish, but it isnt needed in my realm. But I am open to ideas should my GF have ideas of some pornographic video, I wouldnt shut her down.

Besides, Look at my "Group Title" ...I'm still a "Virgin", be gentle with me...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use & Privacy Policy