Newbie dee_le_disko Posted July 30, 2010 Newbie Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted July 30, 2010 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 is this the first time he has cheated on his wife? That may have something to do with it. ....And be careful. You both are in love with what you've built in your minds memory. He nor you are the people you were 19 years ago. Go slow, figure out who he is now, more importantly figure out who you are now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heygdjkm Posted July 30, 2010 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 is this the first time he has cheated on his wife? That may have something to do with it. ....And be careful. You both are in love with what you've built in your minds memory. He nor you are the people you were 19 years ago. Go slow, figure out who he is now, more importantly figure out who you are now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heygdjkm Posted July 30, 2010 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 Lady love thats great advice. Take it slow~! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie dee_le_disko Posted July 30, 2010 Author Newbie Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 is this the first time he has cheated on his wife? That may have something to do with it. ....And be careful. You both are in love with what you've built in your minds memory. He nor you are the people you were 19 years ago. Go slow, figure out who he is now, more importantly figure out who you are now.Yes, most definitely the first time he's ever cheated. And thank you for the advice. You are right. Much of what we are feeling is from 19 years ago. We've got lots of catching up to do. I was just learning to be happy on my own, and was getting comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't expecting this, and I never thought I'd be this person. That said, I'm still dating other people. I'm not counting on him, or anyone else to make me happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hyokahey Posted July 31, 2010 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I was just learning to be happy on my own, and was getting comfortable in my own skin. I'm not counting on him, or anyone else to make me happy.If you can hold onto that attitude, you may be able to keep your thinking clear about him. The main issue with 'cheating' is that an individual who does it (instead of leaving the former partner first) is that we humans seem to be addicted to 'other validation'. If my partner is not validating me the way I want, when I want, and as often as I want, I may turn to another to get that validation....It's about ME, not the other person...this is not love, it's narcissism. People cheat or get divorced because they have become stuck and do not know how to get unstuck. The majority never even think of getting counseling to help, they just cheat or divorce. Or, they do not get the right kind of counseling, get frustrated with that one incompetent counselor, and then ditch couples counseling all together as worthless.As for the lack of erection...you are right, it could be due to a multitude of things...but that does not appear to be his worse problem in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I would agree. I think that his anxiety may be due to the "I'm cheating on my wife" aspect. If he's as a quality of a man as you put him out there to be, he could've been hindered by his guilt.That said, I'm glad you're not going to pine away waiting for him. Trust me, I went back with an ex, after about 10 yrs, and we were going on teenager feelings. I married him, and divorced him shortly after (were together for 4 yrs). People DO grow, it may not be for the better, but you're both definitely not the same people you were 19 yrs ago. Sure, it's nice to work out those feelings, but you usually get hurt in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Duplicate. Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SensualWoman Posted August 3, 2010 Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 There is such great advice already said! My only 2 cents would be that it might make the situation lighter if you asked him if he was planning on getting a divorce. Even if you two don't work out, that might be a good choice for him from what you've described IMHO. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 4, 2010 Members Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 I didn't want to be the one to say this but.....It has been my observation there are some men that are forever going to get divorced, but are married forever. Just a thought to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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