What Is "vanilla" To You?

[sass]

We often refer to sex as being vanilla, or not, but what does vanilla mean to you? Reading several different forums with various degrees of kink, it seems pretty clear to me that one person's "vanilla sex life" may seem like a kinky one to someone else.

I think I have talked about it enough on here for most to know I have an interest in BDSM. However, I do not think that elements of that lifestyle have to be incorporated into a relationship in order for it to move past the vanilla-stage, but I am pretty sure there are people out there (maybe not here) that do.

To me, a vanilla sex life is one in which sex is done just because it is felt to be an obligation by one partner or the other (or both, I guess) and matters of satisfaction, experimentation and gratification are not generally taken into consideration.

In very general terms, I would say a vanilla relationship would include little or no oral, few variations in positions, and probably very little foreplay. And I also think a vanilla relationship likely involves very little or no communication between the partners about sexual satisfaction.

What say you all?

[mailahn97]

I agree with your definition of vanilla. Been there, done that and thankfully I woke up and realized there was a whole damn world out there that I had no clue about. Granted I am not extreme but I have enjoyed different things I have tried. My previous life so to say was hop in bed, done in minutes and he was off to the shower. He enjoyed receiving oral but "NEVER" in over 10 years did I get any. Mind you I didn't know much as at the time her was the only man I had been with.

Hot damn when I learned about so many other things. I went from that to foreplay (yes that is true), oral, anal, light bdsm, threesome and water sports to name some. I was like a kid on Christmas morning at times because it was such an eye opening time.

I am sure there are different variations of vanilla. Just like there are different variations of sex.

[Tyger]

I also agree with your definition of vanilla. Very straight forward, sex, no real foreplay, just kinda going thru the motions.

[ladylove]

I'll have to agree with the ladies above.

[square]

What comes to my mind with Vanilla is mainly in the bedroom, mostly missionary, foreplay can be a part, and it is not necessarily obligatory. Does not include toys, or sex in a Jeep with the top off in some dark parking lot, or in the backyard late at night.

[Mikayla1]

Well, this is very interesting, cause for ME, Vanilla is a whole, other realm. As a woman who has quite diverse experiences, and some of them definitely on the polar opposite end of Vanilla, I can say that my Vanilla is probably another person's chocolate!

However, for me, a true 'vanilla' sex life means what some of the other posters have said: ho hum sex life. No real change, sort of the standard, go-to experience.

The lovely thing about Vanilla though, is that you can always spice it up with some sprinks or choclate sauce - as long as your partner lets you that is!

[sass]

Well, this is very interesting, cause for ME, Vanilla is a whole, other realm. As a woman who has quite diverse experiences, and some of them definitely on the polar opposite end of Vanilla, I can say that my Vanilla is probably another person's chocolate!

...

That is exactly the kind of thing that made me think of this question. I frequent another forum that is very much BDSM-themed, and I have realized that some of the people there talk about "vanilla" being really almost anything short of a Master/slave or Dom(me)/sub lifestyle. It was pretty clear from one thread I read that some think if there are not ropes, cuffs, floggers, domination and submission, etc. involved, then it is vanilla. I find it interesting that I am discovering vanilla has ... well...gray areas, depending on who you are talking to. That, like you said, one person's vanilla is another's chocolate, and that what some might call un-vanilla (oral sex, anal sex, etc.) is really just kind of ho-hum for others. That is what prompted this question.

[ToyQueen]

I have been thinking about this since before you posted the question. I agree that vanilla is different for different people. For me, vanilla is typically straight forward sex--usually in missionary position, although sometimes cowgirl can be vanilla. It seems like vanilla is usually the same thing every time--oral, position, whatever...

[SensualWoman]

I would agree with the definition. Although Mikayla is correct in that vanilla can be nice because there is always something to spice things up! For the most part my own sex life is vanilla in that description, but we have just started learning to put other things into the mix, and make little games out of it. The "sprinkles" are more fun and interesting. Also vanilla is okay if both partners understand what it is and are comfortable with it, but that is rarely the case. Most couples who's sex life is bland don't have enough communication (or sometimes enough knowledge) to talk about it. Also getting over what was considered gross in your family is another way to get out of a vanilla sex life.

[JJ_Amie]

The Truth is that Amie and I are very vanilla. We don't always use the same position, but we are very consideriate of one another's needs. We enjoy reading about your adventure and have valued mikayla's advice, it has changed our love life. And like someone said, the good thing about vanilla, you can add sprinles and loads of chocolate syrup.

[Kama]

Straight up p in v. Not much oral, facials, titty fucking, rimming, anal play, etc.

[luv2eatthepeach2]

No facials here either, and other than maybe a bit of anal finger play, penetration is off the table too.

She does although enjoy when I rim her and perform oral on her. When I get done, I can feel her legs shaking and quivering. That is when I know I have pleased her.

She is getting more open about saying what she likes. Which is progress for her, and makes me feel good also.

She has been more willing to perform oral on me, but it seems like only in a 69 position. She has never just given me a blowjob without ever getting anything in reciprocation.

[RC4BLUE]

Vanilla.. Anything without chocolate... Now seriously, I am decidedly not vanilla. So for me vanilla is the traditional roles, missionary, woman on top, rear entry, or spoon. Add some play and some adventure and I am out of vanilla world.

[luv2eatthepeach2]

To me, plain old man on top, woman on bottom, no foreplay, no 69, no bj's, no cunnilingus, analingus, toys or anything "fun". Does that pretty much paint a picture for you?

[luv2eatthepeach2]

Yes it just plain

[luv2eatthepeach2]

Exactly!

[raym718]

My wife was vanilla. She didn’t want any variety. She just wanted to lay there and get fucked while rubbed her clit. It was so boring I had to go find some spice and since then I can’t believe how much more satisfying it was for my new partner and me. Still married,tried again, nothing.