Threesome With A Partner Who Has Previously Strayed?

[Nebrakadesra]

First off, let me start out by saying that I am not a new player to the threesome game. I've had a few (two successful, one not so much) and thoroughly enjoyed the experiences- it was, after-all, my ultimate fantasy at one point in time.

Here's the issue I'm currently facing:

I have known my SO for three years (one of which we have been officially committed to one another). He's currently serving the country overseas and we've had more opportunities to talk about sex more in depth than we did when he was home. The subject of a threesome was brought up in a recent conversation. He absolutely, without a doubt, wants to experience it. While we were talking about it, I was game. I made sure to tell him that with something like this comes rules [The first, and only, bad threesome I've had was a caution-to-the-wind type where I was ambushed with the offer as soon as my third cocktail was consumed. Let's just say, the night ended in tears (not on my part, might I add)] and those rules must be followed in order to ensure the relationship doesn't suffer. He agreed. But now... I'm not so game at the idea. You see, my SO has cheated. He was away for 6 months and let his loneliness- and the impulsiveness that accompanies it- dominate him. Suffice it to say, I almost ended things but I gave him one chance to prove to me that it wouldn't be a continual thing. He hasn't strayed since. But, the thing that has crept into my mind and made itself comfortable there, is that if I agree to this and we find our 3rd and do the deed, is that he'll get a taste for women other then myself.

My rational side acknowledges that these insecurities are just that, insecurities; and my rational side knows that he loves me and would do everything in his power to NOT mess up and lose me. But, my emotional side is still worried. Is this is a good idea for me and for us? Or should I take these insecurities and view them as my instincts telling me it's not a good situation and just tell him that, no, I'm sorry, but I won't be able to handle it? At a loss here, any suggestions or insight?

[Rob]

Hi there!

Thanks for reaching out for help and advice. Usually the simplest solution is best. Does the risk out weigh the benefit? These feelings and thoughts are only going to be 10X worse after your threesome. So, I would keep it as fantasy until you are 100% sure you want to move forward with this. Communication is key. A good partner will be understanding of your feelings.

Let us know what happens!

Rob

[Tyger]

As you're probably aware, having a 3-some with your SO (when you're in a committed relationship), FULL TRUST is crucial to making sure that the 3-some is fun at the time, and also doesn't ruin the relationship.

If I were in your position, I would suggest that a 3-some be put on HOLD until you both can work thru your issues with it. Truly talk it out, cry, yell, scream, talk some more. So long as you're willing to truly forgive (which means not throwing that in his face over and over), you CAN work past it. But I would say, at this point, you know you're still hurting from it, and, the aftermath of a 3-some probably wouldn't be beneficial to your relationship.

Your BF is overseas, fighting for our country, and I respect him (and you) immensely for the sacrifices made. Tell him a heart-felt THANK YOU!!! I'm sure being away from everything and everyone he knows and loves is extremely difficult, and I'm willing to bet that more infidelities happen in situations such as yours, than people are aware of/admit too. Plus, there's the dangers he faces every day. Either way, it's not an excuse, but, maybe in the healing process, you can think of it from his POV too.

Best wishes, and I hope you update.

[sass]

I totally agree with the other posters. Everyone has to be 100% sure before having a 3-some or someone will get hurt. Good luck!

[SensualWoman]

Rebuilding some trust would be beneficial before moving ahead with a threesome. He has to understand that you need to be into it just as much as him for it to be successful and sexy from beginning to end. (As I'm sure you already aware.) As tyger said, talk it over lots. Make sure that you get everything off your chest, then talking about the threesome can become more fun, and less fear on your part.

Good luck!