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Why Did You Cheat?


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Before I pose the question, please lets not be judgemental, call people names, or insult them. If they are brave enough to respond, please be respectful.

If you cheated on your S.O., why did you? Was it a one-night-fling, long-term affair, with a friend, or an old lover? I've always been curious as to why others cheat. Men & women. Please share.

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Nobody wants to fess up?? OK, well, I'll start:

I cheated a lot on one of my long-term boyfriends. I cheated on him the whole time with this one other guy. I slept with neither, and this was in high school. I really never thought about it at the time, nor felt bad about it. I didn't tell one about the other, but the older guy knew I was with someone, and he was with someone as well. It was very odd.

Thinking back, I think that I liked the attention. I've always had a low self-esteem (yes, it's true). I'm not sure why. I think I was overly sensitive when I was younger, and so if people teased me or said something, I took it to heart. So, when this older guy (by 3 yrs) paid some attention to me, I was all for it. I saw both guys, at the same time, for 2 yrs. I think I just craved the attention. I still don't overthink it, though I know it's wrong, and I knew back then I wasn't being loyal, I guess since I was young and not sleeping with either, I didn't see it a big deal.

I also had a step-sister that was a slut. She got A LOT of male attention, and I felt jealous and envious. I had gotten up the courage one day to ask one of her exes, who was in his 20's (she was 17 when they lived together). I asked him what is so attractive about her. He was very honest: she puts out. He said, "Let me break it down for you like this: she's the fun party girl that you use, get your kicks, and then leave. You're the girl that we take home to our parents." After that, I've remained faithful to the guys I've been with. He made me feel pretty good about myself when he said all that.

I've said 3 Hail Mary's........

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Nobody wants to fess up?? OK, well, I'll start:

I cheated a lot on one of my long-term boyfriends. I cheated on him the whole time with this one other guy. I slept with neither, and this was in high school. I really never thought about it at the time, nor felt bad about it. I didn't tell one about the other, but the older guy knew I was with someone, and he was with someone as well. It was very odd.

Thinking back, I think that I liked the attention. I've always had a low self-esteem (yes, it's true). I'm not sure why. I think I was overly sensitive when I was younger, and so if people teased me or said something, I took it to heart. So, when this older guy (by 3 yrs) paid some attention to me, I was all for it. I saw both guys, at the same time, for 2 yrs. I think I just craved the attention. I still don't overthink it, though I know it's wrong, and I knew back then I wasn't being loyal, I guess since I was young and not sleeping with either, I didn't see it a big deal.

I also had a step-sister that was a slut. She got A LOT of male attention, and I felt jealous and envious. I had gotten up the courage one day to ask one of her exes, who was in his 20's (she was 17 when they lived together). I asked him what is so attractive about her. He was very honest: she puts out. He said, "Let me break it down for you like this: she's the fun party girl that you use, get your kicks, and then leave. You're the girl that we take home to our parents." After that, I've remained faithful to the guys I've been with. He made me feel pretty good about myself when he said all that.

I've said 3 Hail Mary's........

I like your honesty, Tyger. That guy summed it up real well. As for me, I had sex with a large amount of women in my life. But, I wasn't a cheater. My wife and I have been together for 28 years and she has been my only partner since 1985. Maybe it's because, prior to that, my sex life had a lot of variety. I guess I just feel cheating generates some real bad karma and I don't want to be in the position to hurt someone I love.

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I've never slept with more than one partner in a relationship at a time.

I'm wondering if anyone else will be brave enough to admit this?

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  • 2 months later...
  • Newbie

I notice that this is an older post, however I was hoping that there would be more people commenting on this subject! I have been married for almost 18 years and love my husband. I was much more experienced than he was when we got married and sex is great... we have gone through our rough patches but worked our way through most of it.

I am and always have been a flirt. Some people get off on porn, I however LOVE to talk, text, type dirty... My husband has never understood...

I have had 4 affairs that my husband knows nothing about! One with a female friend that he enjoyed and took part in, I love my husband & cannot imagine my life without him.

When I look at the affairs I have had one was an old crush that happened in a drunken state and figured what the hell.... The other one took place when I felt old, fat, ugly and just another appliance in the house someone else paid attention to me and we had an agreement that we'd be each other’s sex partner when we needed it!

One was a major Dom/Sub relationship that I was always curious about that my husband has ABSOLUTLY NO interest in.... the discussion was brought up & he was totally discussed by the topic ( me being the sub btw) had AMAZING Dom/ sub sex about 10 times he moved end of it.

My female friend made a move on me, we had an affair for about 6 months, my husband knew, watched and took place in it.... Loved being with a woman would again but not just with a lady!

The last affair is totally different than the others... I cannot imagine my life without this man as well. I love my husband, please don't judge or misunderstand. The connection I feel for the other man in my life caught me totally off guard, this was not a planned or expected affair. All of the others I knew going into it I would have that itch that my husband wasn't willing to scratch scratched and that would be it. I now for the first time every feel that this is more than just about an itch getting scratched I have an emotional connection and that scares me.. I am totally in love with two men…….

I am sure that doesn’t answer your question…. But I guess it’s about not getting what you need from your partner and them not wanting to help or communicate about it….

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  • 3 months later...
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I have never cheated on a SO. But at the end of my last LTR I was very tempted. She decided that she was no longer interested in sex. After several months that became difficult. This became one of many reasons that we ended the relationship.

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I have never cheated on a SO. But at the end of my last LTR I was very tempted. She decided that she was no longer interested in sex. After several months that became difficult. This became one of many reasons that we ended the relationship.

I think in situations such as this, it's hard NOT to cheat. Especially if you are an extremely sexual person, young, or yes, even male, it's almost a given. It takes a strong person to NOT cheat if they're feeling neglected in one form or another.

I never thought my ex husband would cheat on me. He never did. Though, I wasn't interested in him sexually for a very long time, with long periods of no sex (yes, ME). I kept urging him to try and bond with me, talk with me, make me WANT to be intimate with him. Just sitting there, playing XBox, and ignoring me other than the times he wanted sex, was NOT the way to make me desire him. I felt alone, for the last 6 yrs of our relationship, due to his neglecting me as his wife, friend, and partner. I was so down, and uninterested, even cheating on him didn't feel like an option. I was void in many ways.

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I agree it can be hard not to cheat (it was). I feel much the same way as you describe. My former SO was more interested in her projects, her work (even when she was not at work), her need to be busy with anything. I felt ignored and alone much of the time. I would try to get her to talk with me, spend time with me, and play with me. She would find ways to avoid play because "there was work to do." She would tell me that she didn't have time to be intimate because there was so much that needed to be done. At the end the loneliness killed me.

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I've never cheated, although I love sex and have felt neglected at times during my marriage I just couldn't live with the

guilt I know I'd have if I went through with it.

Which isn't to say I was never tempted...........

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  • 3 weeks later...
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I'll step up...

:::::whew:::::

Intimacy with the hubs, just flat out sucks. He has ED and will not admit it, talk about it, or address there's a problem. He says it's because I'm so tight. Well, ok. That's fine, but c'mon now, 75% of the time, he's not even fully inside of me and he comes. I love him so much and more than anything but my reasons are flatly that I NEED things, and there has only been ONE person I have EVER done those with. So... It's purely physical for me. Never emotional.

::: whew ::: still nervous, but feel a little better...

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Ok cwgrltinkerbell, I feel for you. I wish us men would get it through our thick heads that things change as we age and sometime we need help. It sounds like there may be more than an ED problem going on ( I also may be wrong here). I would encourage you to talk to him about your needs and encourage him to walk the journey to sexual health with you. If he has difficulty with quick ejaculation the are very good techniques that can be used for both pleasure and performance. If ED is the problem I would suggest that drugs be a last resort. If you can a sex therapist might help.

If I am way off or over stepping, my apologies. I simply with you the best that life can be.

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No, you are totally fine. It's ok. And I have tried said techniques with little to no results. I don't think he sees me as such a sexual person simply because I'm not active near as much as I should be. I will admit it. But only because I have grown tired of being 'disappointed'. Sad, but yet true. If that labels me as a 'fail' in anyway to anyone then, I'm sorry. I do the best I can with what in given. Others just choose other avenues. This subject, upon dwelling/talking/reoccurring, very well could have been a demise of the marriage and relationship I didn't want.

I have mentioned a few times over the years that maybe it's something to be looked into. Even me, myself willing to get checked out thoroughly to leave him no choice but to seek medical assistance?

Another oddness to this - I have 2 children prior to our meeting, in the 7 years we've been together, I have never gotten pregnant either. But yet, I am extremely healthy reproductively as well as diet and lifestyle.

He is overweight but aside, is in perfect help. Reproductive doctors are more expensive than the child so, essentially we have up trying but not for lack of luck.

Who knows?

Guess it all comes in full circle eventually huh? :-)

No overstepping here. I welcome the conversation in anonymity.

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I would never label you or anyone as a failure. Sex is a joint effort between and with two (or more) people. Being disappointed has a large effect on sexual interest and drive. If your partner is not interested or not willing or not able to join then there are results that happen without anyone being a true fault. There are many men who have low sex drive either because of biological issues or because of past trauma, or a strict a-sexual up bringing. Unfortunately many men think that they are not normal if the do not want sex and will not seek professional assistance out of shame and fear. I agree reproductive doctors and insanely expensive. I would suggest a consult with a sex therapist (less expensive) first to help with guidance toward a fulfilling intimate life. There are so many great thing to do that will make intimacy wonderful.

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Don't ever label yourself as a failure. As women, we are nurturers, and therefore we feel responsible if something is wrong in our relationships. It's a natural thing.

I learned in my 11 yrs of marriage, that, if only ONE person is making all the effort into the relationship, then it won't work out. Until he is willing to accept that there may be something physically wrong with him, which he has no control over, then nothing you do or say will help. You can't make him accept that. It may be many things, weight, diet, diabetes, medications he's on, depression, ect. But if he doesn't want to address it, it will stay the same. I'm sorry, that's probably not what you want to hear, but we're hear to tell the truth based on our experiences.

I wish you much luck in this. I hope you find happiness.

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Thanks for the understanding!! I love him dearly and things just go day by day, but Were in our early 30's so maybe one day, we will get straight? Who knows? Till then, it's day by day.

Thanks again guys :-)

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  • 1 year later...
On 4/4/2014 at 0:17 PM, cwgrltinkerbell21 said:

I'll step up...

:::::whew:::::

Intimacy with the hubs, just flat out sucks. He has ED and will not admit it, talk about it, or address there's a problem. He says it's because I'm so tight. Well, ok. That's fine, but c'mon now, 75% of the time, he's not even fully inside of me and he comes. I love him so much and more than anything but my reasons are flatly that I NEED things, and there has only been ONE person I have EVER done those with. So... It's purely physical for me. Never emotional.

::: whew ::: still nervous, but feel a little better...

Sounds like he's making excuses. Men can train their bodies to hold back their orgasm for a little while. If they practice, they can actually hold off their orgasms for a while.

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  • 3 months later...
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Here I go, brave little me.  Tyger knows about how I cheated and cheated and cheated on my late husband.  I was much more sexually experienced than he was, and I cheated.  Every time he was out of town for work, I was at the bar picking up someone new, or online picking up someone new.  We were split up at the time of his death, and it was because I cheated over and over.  I can't even for the life of me now, and believe me I have thought about it a lot, understand why I did it.  I don't even remember who all I did it with.  I don't know if it was for attention or sexual gratification, or what.  I bothers me to this day in a way that it never bothered at the time.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Review Team

When I was in highschool I cheated on every single guy I ever dated, sometimes even with their buddies (which should tell you how good of buddies they were) I slept with everyone I cheated on and slept with the person I was cheating with.. Why I did it.. I honestly don't know.. I think like tyger I loved the attention, I loved that usually they kept coming back for more and I soaked it up. My first serious boyfriend  who I was head over heels about cheated on me.. It hurt so bad that I think I just became numb after that and I just wanted to show him how desirable I really was. Me and him had an off again on again for about 10 years we each would cheat on our partners with each other it was an interesting relationship. Once I met my husband though. I didn't wanna cheat on him-still don't still haven't and never will, I think you do some growing up and realize when you have something good it's not worth totally fucking it up for a night of fun. I'm more sexually expieranced then he is, and yet I still have no urge to go find someone else. I love my honey and adding our daughter only solidified it. I don't regret the way I was in highschool I look at it as I was young and dumb I loved the attention it's over with. So there's my long admitting spillage lol

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  • 1 year later...
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Newbie

Wow. First post for me, and I choose this topic. Maybe getting this off my chest will help, or maybe someone will comment and help me out. Anyway, here goes:

3 years ago, I started a new job, with crappy hours, but great money. The wife and I needed some extra money, so this job was perfect for us, or so I thought.

After about 3 months at the new job, a new employee gets hired. She is beautiful in ways that just made me think about doing things to her that I would never try with my wife. We started chatting casually and exchanged numbers for the hell of it. 

One day, we both had the day off, and my wife was at work, this woman texts me asking if I want to get coffee, as she needs a friend to talk to. I agree, and we meet up. She was having trouble with her husband, and it so happens my wife and I were having issues too. 

We decide to go for a drive out in the country, and talk. Next thing I know, we are talking about how unhappy we both are, and how we have both never cheated. I told her I wasn't sure if I could ever cheat, and she felt the same way. 

We pull up to this little pond, and she is sitting right next to me, looking at me. Well, one thing leads to another and we are making out like kids on prom night. 

These day trips turned into her renting a hotel room, and well, for the next 3 months we fucked whenever we could, wherever we could. I knew it was wrong, but the sex was filthy and erotic and just so exciting that we couldn't stop.

My wife confronted me about it one night, and I broke down in tears, admitted everything, and she asked me to leave the house. I thought my marriage was over. 

My wife had me come home the next day, and told me to pick her, or the other woman. I love my wife with all my being, and we are still together, better than ever.

My problem is that I can't seem to stop beating myself up over it. My wife has promised me she is over it and has moved on from it, and I believe her 100%. How can I get myself past this and forgive myself for the biggest mistake of my life?

I have turned into a shy, nervous husband with my wife and it is driving me crazy. 

Sorry for such a long post everyone. I left out details, but I'm sure you all get the idea. 

Quick note: I am no longer at that job, and have not talked to the other woman since I admitted this to my wife, and ended it with the other woman.

Edited by cjmlmm
Added ending detail.
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4 hours ago, cjmlmm said:

Wow. First post for me, and I choose this topic. Maybe getting this off my chest will help, or maybe someone will comment and help me out. Anyway, here goes:

3 years ago, I started a new job, with crappy hours, but great money. The wife and I needed some extra money, so this job was perfect for us, or so I thought.

After about 3 months at the new job, a new employee gets hired. She is beautiful in ways that just made me think about doing things to her that I would never try with my wife. We started chatting casually and exchanged numbers for the hell of it. 

One day, we both had the day off, and my wife was at work, this woman texts me asking if I want to get coffee, as she needs a friend to talk to. I agree, and we meet up. She was having trouble with her husband, and it so happens my wife and I were having issues too. 

We decide to go for a drive out in the country, and talk. Next thing I know, we are talking about how unhappy we both are, and how we have both never cheated. I told her I wasn't sure if I could ever cheat, and she felt the same way. 

We pull up to this little pond, and she is sitting right next to me, looking at me. Well, one thing leads to another and we are making out like kids on prom night. 

These day trips turned into her renting a hotel room, and well, for the next 3 months we fucked whenever we could, wherever we could. I knew it was wrong, but the sex was filthy and erotic and just so exciting that we couldn't stop.

My wife confronted me about it one night, and I broke down in tears, admitted everything, and she asked me to leave the house. I thought my marriage was over. 

My wife had me come home the next day, and told me to pick her, or the other woman. I love my wife with all my being, and we are still together, better than ever.

My problem is that I can't seem to stop beating myself up over it. My wife has promised me she is over it and has moved on from it, and I believe her 100%. How can I get myself past this and forgive myself for the biggest mistake of my life?

I have turned into a shy, nervous husband with my wife and it is driving me crazy. 

Sorry for such a long post everyone. I left out details, but I'm sure you all get the idea. 

Quick note: I am no longer at that job, and have not talked to the other woman since I admitted this to my wife, and ended it with the other woman.

Nobody is perfect we all do things we regret ...forgiving yourself is the hardest thing,it is for me anyway.but don't let it ruin your life its in the past and tomorrow is a new day .

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