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My husband and I have been together for 35 years and he has convinced himself that he wants to watch me have sex with another man.  He says the thought turns him on.  He recently admitted that he doesn't think he would ever let me do it however I wonder.

I am bothered because I know it will only cause problems in the end.  He watches porn and says he is watching the big dick fuck and it makes him horny.  He stays at his office late to do this and it bothers me.  

How do I handle this ?

Do I learn to let it go and play along, and get over the porn issue.

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Many men enjoy porn. Men get turned on by what they SEE, which is why most porn is geared towards the male perspective and why lingerie is so popular! If it turns him on, and he comes to you to satisfy his needs, then honestly, I don't see the harm. Now, if he's replacing time with you to watch it, then there is possible a cause for concern.

I think that the fantasy of seeing a man's woman have another man go at her is a common one. If he says he wouldn't let you do it, then he hasn't convinced himself that he wants you to. And, if you do not want to do this, then it would be disrespectful of him to force you to do something you don't want to do. If it IS something you'd like to try, you must remember that COMMUNICATION is key. It takes a VERY strong and secure marriage to withstand a 3rd person coming in and playing around. Communication like: Who would you both be comfortable with it being with you. If you want to stop, that needs to be respected. Where would it take place? (I'd recommend somewhere other than your own bed/house.) When would it happen? Then, afterwards, do you want it to happen again? A non-negotiable aspect of this is safe-sex. Even if it's a long-term friend, ALWAYS use condoms!!!

 

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On 12/21/2017 at 5:09 PM, Confused from the south said:

My husband and I have been together for 35 years and he has convinced himself that he wants to watch me have sex with another man.  He says the thought turns him on.  He recently admitted that he doesn't think he would ever let me do it however I wonder.

I am bothered because I know it will only cause problems in the end.  He watches porn and says he is watching the big dick fuck and it makes him horny.  He stays at his office late to do this and it bothers me.  

How do I handle this ?

Do I learn to let it go and play along, and get over the porn issue.

sounds to me like he really wants to see it and is hoping you will say yes!

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Relax, things like that happen. The more pressure you put on getting off the less likely you will get off. Focus on the play and pleasure. Be open to new experiences. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! Allow your mind to relax and enjoy. Usually orgasm will return.

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4 hours ago, Erosattheback said:

Relax, things like that happen. The more pressure you put on getting off the less likely you will get off. Focus on the play and pleasure. Be open to new experiences. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! Allow your mind to relax and enjoy. Usually orgasm will return.

Thats another big problem I have lol ive never been able to get off unless using a clit vibrator. And i cant find a position that works well and that he likes. No guy has ever actually gotten me off :( any advice for trying not to use the toy? Or something that works?

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Not being able to achieve orgasm without additional stimulation is a fairly common experience for many women. Intercourse alone may not provide you with enough stimulation to allow you the release you desire. You can try positions that provide for more clitoral stimulation’s, such as being on top I’d a prone or somewhat prone position. You may want to possibly use a vibrating cocking during intercourse for additional stimulation. Maybe it would be easier to achieve orgasm during intercourse if you experienced an orgasm prior to penetrative sex. Finding a position that you both enjoy and achieves orgasm without the use of vibration or additional stimulation can be an exploration. However it sounds like it will, for you, need to involve more direct contact and manipulation of pelvic to pelvic contact. 

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On 12/21/2017 at 6:09 PM, Confused from the south said:

My husband and I have been together for 35 years and he has convinced himself that he wants to watch me have sex with another man.  He says the thought turns him on.  He recently admitted that he doesn't think he would ever let me do it however I wonder.

I am bothered because I know it will only cause problems in the end.  He watches porn and says he is watching the big dick fuck and it makes him horny.  He stays at his office late to do this and it bothers me.  

How do I handle this ?

Do I learn to let it go and play along, and get over the porn issue.

Men are visual creatures. Many men and women alike enjoy watching porn. It’s not a bad thing. Invite him to watch porn with you. I too have been with my husband 32 years. We enjoy many different sexual experiences together. We actually have an open marriage, of course with ground rules, but you have to do what is right for you and your marriage. I would love for my husband to sit and watch another man fuck me and vise versa it think it would be a total turn on for both. Embrace trying new things. 

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On 21/12/2017 at 11:09 PM, Confused from the south said:

My husband and I have been together for 35 years and he has convinced himself that he wants to watch me have sex with another man.  He says the thought turns him on.  He recently admitted that he doesn't think he would ever let me do it however I wonder.

I am bothered because I know it will only cause problems in the end.  He watches porn and says he is watching the big dick fuck and it makes him horny.  He stays at his office late to do this and it bothers me.  

How do I handle this ?

Do I learn to let it go and play along, and get over the porn issue.

Porn for me is a huge issue as I was raped when I was younger and there was more than 4 men. It was all recorded for there sick enjoyment. This is why I have issues with porn! I know this is a personal thing and not everyone is being raped in porn but to me all I remember is that awfully night. Porn hurt me and makes me feel visle, and fisickly sick. Porn will always be hurtful to me even hearing it makes me ikk. Iv been with my husband 8 year and he used to watch porn un till I told him what happened to me and why I don't like it. He now does not watch it I know its to respect me and how I feel about it.. I know this is a totally different subject but everyone has different opinions about porn! 

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5 hours ago, Chantellemckenna said:

Porn for me is a huge issue as I was raped when I was younger and there was more than 4 men. It was all recorded for there sick enjoyment. This is why I have issues with porn! I know this is a personal thing and not everyone is being raped in porn but to me all I remember is that awfully night. Porn hurt me and makes me feel visle, and fisickly sick. Porn will always be hurtful to me even hearing it makes me ikk. Iv been with my husband 8 year and he used to watch porn un till I told him what happened to me and why I don't like it. He now does not watch it I know its to respect me and how I feel about it.. I know this is a totally different subject but everyone has different opinions about porn! 

Given your history it makes sense that your view and experience of pornography is objectionable. I am glad to see that your husband is respectful of you and your feelings. May you continue to grow within yourself and become the person you wish to be.

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2 hours ago, RC4BLUE said:

Given your history, it makes sense that your view and experience of pornography is objectionable. I am glad to see that your husband is respectful of you and your feelings. May you continue to grow within yourself and become the person you wish to be.

Thank you. We will hopefully grow and be a better people in life from all the different experiences iv had in the last 26 year which some people don't go through in a lifetime. I see it an av been tested and continue to be tested. I will one day be able to help people that have been trough the same as me. 

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I know where he is coming from because i was that guy. I use to get the horniest ever thinking of my wife with another man. When we first dated I convinced her to go fuck one of the guys she's been with before and leave her phone on so I could listen. It didn't hurt us. But now we are married and I want to watch it be done and she won't. Question is would you if he wanted you to with no consequences? I guarantee you will have the best sex in your life after you do. Also, if he wants u to when he is horny and doesn't want u to after he cums, that means he wants you to. That's the feeling I felt. And if you dont want to, go along woth him amd say you will until he drops the mood. Or make up a story that you did. Hope it helps! 

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