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Since I became sexually active, it's been meaningless. For 5 years, it was guys I barely knew who only talked to me when they wanted me to come over for the night. It was dangerous and sometimes humiliating. I was so naive to what I was doing to myself mentally. Then I met my man and that changed. We've been together 4 years and have a son together and it just seems like our sex life is so stagnant. It's all about speed and getting off. I want something deeper. We've tried tantric sex and it was just awkward. He's just not that kind of guy but I want to be that type of woman. How do I reach him on that level? I really want to try new things but even after 4 years, it's still very hard to be sexually vulnerable. Anyway it seems like when I am on that level, he's not, we lose the intimacy and it becomes about the speed and getting it done.

Sorry for the essay.. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you. 

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