Recommended Posts

Since I became sexually active, it's been meaningless. For 5 years, it was guys I barely knew who only talked to me when they wanted me to come over for the night. It was dangerous and sometimes humiliating. I was so naive to what I was doing to myself mentally. Then I met my man and that changed. We've been together 4 years and have a son together and it just seems like our sex life is so stagnant. It's all about speed and getting off. I want something deeper. We've tried tantric sex and it was just awkward. He's just not that kind of guy but I want to be that type of woman. How do I reach him on that level? I really want to try new things but even after 4 years, it's still very hard to be sexually vulnerable. Anyway it seems like when I am on that level, he's not, we lose the intimacy and it becomes about the speed and getting it done.

Sorry for the essay.. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I Don't know what tantric means. to be brutally honest he sounds  boring.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

True tantric sex take practice, openness and engagement of both people. It is great for some and not for others. One of the things  to do is focus on pleasure. Remember sex is adult play time. Be playful. Too often we can take sex too seriously and forget to play and have fun. Start the erotic journey by engaging in seduction and desire a day or two before engaging in sex. Send a sexy test during the day. Flirt with your partner. Bring him to you, make him want you. Too often with the demands of work and children we can forget to be sexy. It can be hard to be on the same page when we are not thinking sexy thought, acting in sexy and talking about our desires. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If one is an over-tired parent never getting enough sleep, that could be a reason for wanting to speed things along.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My partner and I went through an extremely rough time a few years ago.  We had been together for almost 20 years and he suddenly went cold in bed.  He was still wonderful in day to day activities but the romance was almost non existent.  We failed to talk about it, which was a huge mistake.    When I initiated foreplay, he was passive and didn't reciprocate very much.  

It finally reached a head, when we went on a weekend trip and discovered his inability to maintain an erection.  Although he doesn't measure his success by his prowess, he was frustrated and embarrassed.  The harder he tried the worse the results.  We tried a couple of different things and sometimes it worked, but the next time it didn't.  It probably wasn't clinical depression but it was close.  We finally went to a Doctor and discovered some health issues- serious pulmonary issues.  The best news was that we discovered it and can control it, but we now know he has limitations and that is fine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m with you. My wife is the same way. Ever think about another man? Would your husband mind? I am a bi sexual man open to whatever. Let me know. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my opinion, like one of the previous post said, not discussing it is a huge mistake.

 

is henopen to try new things? Have you told him this is how you feel? 

We cant fix the problem unless we know it’s there.  Has something come up that has broken the line of trust between you too? Are you comparing this to past experience? 

 

Just asking some some probing questions, I just posted in another thread that me and my wife had a few years of rocky ground.  Somehow we started openly communicating with each other, once we established a deep trust.  Everything got so much better. 

 

Sometines we we have to work at it- 

make a conscious decision to put down the phone and go hug her for a second, or touch her but as she walks by me- build some anticipation through the day- 

I try to let her know I am noticing her- even at odd times. 

 

It really takes work to keep that going, but it is really worth it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now