Newbie Confused56 Posted February 12, 2019 Newbie Report Share Posted February 12, 2019 I have a history of sex abuse/rape. This has left me with issues in intimacy with my boyfriend. He is the 1st guy in my life who treats me too good and sometimes it scares me because its just not what im used to. My BF has mentioned some things about our sex life that until he said something i had never noticed. He knows i love him very much & this really made me notice how screwed up I am. Things like: i never initiate sex, he always feels like he has to pressure me into it but then once he does i enjoy it, in the beginning of our relationship.. the first 6 mo. he said i seemed unattached during like i wasnt really into it (sex to me has always been more or less something I do because I am supposed to .. it’s always to me been about my partners pleasure not mine) , i cant talk about what turns me on when he asks and i apologize too much. What i could never admit to him though is i am very stimulated by rough humiliating/degrading sex. Thats“ my” normal I wont admit that to anyone! I feel broken and wrong. i have been having a lot of old memories coming back & cant seem to shut them out.. to a point of wanting to confront my memories.. To regain control.. but my head goes another direction and i have started setting up a“ consensual non consent” with a stranger. I feel so bad but i cant stop thinking if i can face everything all at once if i can re write it i guess then i can change it. Am I crazy? I love my BF so much and he is not the type of person to do those types of things in bed and i just want to know if anyone else has been through these feelings after those experiences? Is there hope for a normal sex life? I feel so disgusting you’re not supposed to want to experience rape after rape .. what’s wrong with me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 18, 2019 Report Share Posted February 18, 2019 On 2/12/2019 at 7:11 AM, Confused56 said: I have a history of sex abuse/rape. This has left me with issues in intimacy with my boyfriend. He is the 1st guy in my life who treats me too good and sometimes it scares me because its just not what im used to. My BF has mentioned some things about our sex life that until he said something i had never noticed. He knows i love him very much & this really made me notice how screwed up I am. Things like: i never initiate sex, he always feels like he has to pressure me into it but then once he does i enjoy it, in the beginning of our relationship.. the first 6 mo. he said i seemed unattached during like i wasnt really into it (sex to me has always been more or less something I do because I am supposed to .. it’s always to me been about my partners pleasure not mine) , i cant talk about what turns me on when he asks and i apologize too much. What i could never admit to him though is i am very stimulated by rough humiliating/degrading sex. Thats“ my” normal I wont admit that to anyone! I feel broken and wrong. i have been having a lot of old memories coming back & cant seem to shut them out.. to a point of wanting to confront my memories.. To regain control.. but my head goes another direction and i have started setting up a“ consensual non consent” with a stranger. I feel so bad but i cant stop thinking if i can face everything all at once if i can re write it i guess then i can change it. Am I crazy? I love my BF so much and he is not the type of person to do those types of things in bed and i just want to know if anyone else has been through these feelings after those experiences? Is there hope for a normal sex life? I feel so disgusting you’re not supposed to want to experience rape after rape .. what’s wrong with me? It sounds to me like the first 2 posters, especially the first one, NEED counselling!!! Rough sex is one thing, and even enjoying a rape-fantasy, is all ok. However, it sounds to me, and mind you, I am NOT a professional health expert in the least!!! That the violence and non-commital is your normal. That's what you're use to, and you are afraid to open yourself up emotionally as a safe-guard to your mental stability. Because, if someone gets in emotionally, that can be just as painful, if not more, for some, and that may be THE thing to finally make you FEEL something. Making love IS about mutual love, respect, and pleasure. Checking out, going to another place, or seeming to not care what's being done to your body, will take time and professional help to get out of. Only YOU can start that process and I'd suggest going to see a rape crisis counselor ASAP!!! You need to heal, and learn how to love someone, but first, you need to love yourself!!! I wish you all the best in love! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Juan Posted February 18, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2019 Confused56, im not a member to this site my hubby is (juan) what i have to say to you is that were so sorry that happened (past tense!) to you. Dear seek counseling there's things we can't handle ourselves. You didn't mention you told your bf what happened. Why, you admitted your both in love have to open up dear if you love him or don't think your happiness will last. And yes its sometimes ok to like rough sex role play husband and i sometimes have our little fantasy where i get lost and he befriends me goes to help me and than rapes me. In the fantasy i do fight than helplessly give in and have an orgasm. Again we both advise first talking to boyfriend. Than professionals. He can't help if he doesn't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie Dukes Posted July 7, 2019 Newbie Report Share Posted July 7, 2019 On 2/12/2019 at 8:11 AM, Confused56 said: I have a history of sex abuse/rape. This has left me with issues in intimacy with my boyfriend. He is the 1st guy in my life who treats me too good and sometimes it scares me because its just not what im used to. My BF has mentioned some things about our sex life that until he said something i had never noticed. He knows i love him very much & this really made me notice how screwed up I am. Things like: i never initiate sex, he always feels like he has to pressure me into it but then once he does i enjoy it, in the beginning of our relationship.. the first 6 mo. he said i seemed unattached during like i wasnt really into it (sex to me has always been more or less something I do because I am supposed to .. it’s always to me been about my partners pleasure not mine) , i cant talk about what turns me on when he asks and i apologize too much. What i could never admit to him though is i am very stimulated by rough humiliating/degrading sex. Thats“ my” normal I wont admit that to anyone! I feel broken and wrong. i have been having a lot of old memories coming back & cant seem to shut them out.. to a point of wanting to confront my memories.. To regain control.. but my head goes another direction and i have started setting up a“ consensual non consent” with a stranger. I feel so bad but i cant stop thinking if i can face everything all at once if i can re write it i guess then i can change it. Am I crazy? I love my BF so much and he is not the type of person to do those types of things in bed and i just want to know if anyone else has been through these feelings after those experiences? Is there hope for a normal sex life? I feel so disgusting you’re not supposed to want to experience rape after rape .. what’s wrong with me? I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amy D Posted September 28, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2019 Sexual abuse is not your fault. It's taken me some time to realize it's the abuser's fault. If he's abusive, leave immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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