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My Story- Just need to talk


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  • Newbie

I have to talk to someone, so here goes.  Feel free to comment. You won't hurt my feelings.

I met Tony online in 2001. We dated long distance for almost 4 years. He was newly divorced. (2nd wife) . T was a hopeless romantic and still is. He showered me with Love and Attention. He has a great corporate job, and we had lots of sex. But I was "vanilla" so he taught me to be more adventurous. As the years progressed, we had sex in public, anal, shaved my pussy, a fmf 3some, a hooker and one bisexual experience at the end where he blew another guy. Just before we broke up he went to a gay bathhouse. Then came the HORRIBLE mean breakup. 

I never contacted him again, because i was afraid he might do something bad to me (online pics or who knows what).  He never did and I lost track of him.

15 years goes by and one day Feb 2019 he messages me on FB. i don't answer, but for 2 months he posts subliminal messages to me on his fb page. Things that remind me of our good times. Finally in May I call him.

My mind is so mixed up.  He is Bisexual, married to a gay guy half his age, and says he is also transgender. So i say "What do you want from me" He wants a trip down memory lane on the phone (phone sex included) I talked to him but not sexy. 

Last week i happened to be in his city and we met for 1 hour, hugged kissed and freaked out.  I am not really afraid that he will do anything bad to me, But he says he wants me in his life, even if its just a bit on the phone.  He realizes that we will NEVER have sex.  His sexual behavior is with his husband and still sometimes goes to sex clubs. He watches porn every day, blows his Husband everyday. He messages me love notes, says he loves me - SO WHAT! 

I am so upset because he is still the same person inside, but he totally went into these new lifestyles. I am Vanilla.  I love his love for me, but what's the point. He has been married 4 times (this is the first man) is wants to transition to female and his favorite thing to do is give a man a BJ while a woman watches.  

I know he is Broken, but i don't know what to do.

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Hi Carrie! 

Thanks for joining TooTimid!

Wow!! That is a lot to have to deal with!!!

Here's MY opinion: something to think about, but, he is an ex for a reason......and, you are comfortable with who you are it seems, right? If he isn't the person that you think you can have a relationship with, the type of relationship that YOU want, as the person you are NOW, then, you will probably have to let him know that, though ya'll had fun years ago, he is married, and engages in a lifestyle that is just not for you (that's what it sounds like).

Yes, it's so flattering to have an ex come back into your life, and want to be with you, sample what once was. My first ex husband was that for me. It didn't work out at all for us, and though I loved the nostalgia, his love for himself and need to have other's attention, is what drove us apart. So, yes, I get what you're saying. Totally.

You have to do what makes YOU happy! And, hanging on, or having a constant reminder of the past keep contacting you, well, it would be hard for you to try and concentrate on anyone else-including yourself!!!

If he can't appreciate who you are now, and what your choices are, well, myself, I'd say goodbye to Tony.

Best Tyger Wishes!

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  • Newbie

this is a lot to deal with.. Thank you for your sweet reply. ❤️

Actually he would probably do whatever I want - contact, no contact.  I just have to do it in a calm respectful way.  The attention and love feels good, but whats the point. I have a good life.  He just popped in after all these years and made my head confused.

I am not here to judge his current lifestyle - although his "cheating" with me does bother me and he seems to be married to a nice young man. For that I am happy for him. He is a very happy positive guy, with no family in the world. (parents dead, no kids, no siblings)So I think in his world, he can do whatever makes him happy because there is no family to account to. Wierd and sad to think.

But you're right, I need to do whats best for me.

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