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Do Other Women Really Like This?

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  • Newbie

I have been with my bf for 2+ years and every now and then he likes S&M. He will suggest painful or embarrassing things to get him going-I have told him that I am not into that but I have always been willing to try whatever he wants to do. When things get going, I get into it for him and let him spank and pinch me-but it doesn't do it for me. I love to see him excited though so I go along with it. Sometimes I only get turned on because he is turned on-but pain and embarrassment doesn't get me going. My question is, do most women really like S&M or do they just pretend like me to please their man?

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Hi and welcome to the forum!

To answer your question: yes and no. Many women do enjoy various levels of BDSM or S/M. There are literally hundreds of levels of bondage play - and it seems like your bf is in the mild range. I am a woman who definitely enjoys BDSM - and probably a more extreme version than most.

Then, there are those women who find it degrading and not at all pleasurable.

I think the key is to either try it and see if you can let go of the idea that BDSM is something "odd" or for freaks and maybe you will find you enjoy it. If you try it and just don't like it, you are under NO obligation to continue to play with him in S/M manners. The bottom line is, sex and foreplay should be really enjoyable for both partners. Frequently, one partner wants something that the other partner just doesn't. If you try it for your partner and JUST don't enjoy it - then do not do it - it will NOT help.

While I do suggest that couple's bend their likes and dislikes and try new things in their relationships, I never suggest anything that makes you extremely uncomfortable. So, if you just hate the pinching and spanking- tell him. Maybe you can try some other types of light bondage play that you may enjoy.

Try reading my article on BDSM, this might help you understand his motivation or find something you both can enjoy doing.


Good Luck,


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I have to agree with Mikayla. Sex is adult play, meant to be fun. Sure, be open to new things, as well as your partner should be willing to do the same. But if you try something, and find it embarrassing and not at all pleasurable, then you shouldn't continue to do it. Where's the fun in feeling humiliated if you're not into that sort of thing?

Your partner needs to know that this is how you feel. And he should respect that. You tried it, for him, found you didn't like it, now you both need to find a happy medium that you will BOTH find pleasurable. He should be grateful that he found a partner willing to actually try something she was unsure of for him, at the very least.

I don't enjoy pain, but every so often, I like to be nipped, spanked, and have my hair pulled during sex, all light to moderately. If it hurts, I stop it. I do like being tied up as well. I do know some women that like a lot of pain, and then some women that don't like to do anything but the basic missionary/doggie/on top positions. So, some women do, and some women don't like S&M.

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  • Newbie

Thanks for your input. It helps to hear other women's feelings on this issue. Like I said, I'm up for anything, but I just don't get as excited about it as he does.

Thanks again!

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Newbie

I'm not into BDSM or SM either. I once went out with a girl (teacher), who liked to have clothes pins put on her pussy lips and have them yanked abit, i thought she was insanse, but whatever floats her boat, so i lightly yanked'em, but felt like i was hurting her. Needless to say we were only together for two months.

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