Something New

[Sean]

I am new to this type of forum and here goes.

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We dated for 6 years prior to getting married.

We have 2 adorable children and good jobs.

Recently I have returned to school in another country and soon wil be reyruning home for good. I have been home for breaks every 4 weeks for three- four days at a time.

Our sex lives are pretty normal. Very little in the areas of crazyness.

I want to get things revved up again like the way it was when we were in our early to mid 20's.

I have always tried the soft sentimental methods of using candles, a vibrator, and some porn. Now she says she likes the acts but not in a real convincing manner to me. It seems like I'm the one who initiates all of these ideas.

How can I get her to initiate some of these ideas or get her to come up some ideas of her own. I have talked to her about going out and being creative, thinks about fantasies and the like but she declines the opportunity and we go back to the same old- same old routine.

Can someone offer some help that I can help her through this difficulty.

Thanks

[Chris4u]

Spontaneity is the key for me. I'm not married nor have been, but I imagine running a household with kids can cause your wife to be tired and not as in-the-mood, unlike me and my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I found spontaneity to be the best way to introduce almost anything in the bedroom (and sometimes out). However, don't scare her. Don't just have her walk in the bedroom to find you wearing a prong colar and holding a whip.

During sex even, move her (or tell her...but this isn't always as deceptive) into positions that you haven't tried and that kind of forces her to test them out...otherwise her refusal could spoil the mood, even if done gently.

Of course my girlfriend and I are almost ready to try anything. However discussion and time is sometimes the answer. I know when she proposed anal, I was hesitant (due to cleanliness). But we tried it eventually.

You may not see imidiate results. Creating the mood and driving her wild, though, will help greatly in persuing fresher sexual acts.

[Jen]

15 years ago there were no kids, probably no house to contend with, and most definitely less responsibilities. You and your wife were carefree and having fun. Somewhere along the line sex shifted from fun and exciting to mandatory and obligatory. Needless to say, a bit dull. So how do we rev it up again?

First:

1) Make time for your wife and sex. (Have you ever noticed we that more time and effort is put into planning dinner than making love?)

2) Be assertive, but not aggressive. I much prefer when my husband takes things into his own control in the bedroom, and he knows it. He knows my limits and my dislikes, but also that if he paused to ask questions along the way we'd never try anything new! Explore your wife's body like you've never done before. She's let you know if she's uncomfortable with something.

3) Keep it up. One night of incredible sex is not going to magically erase the blahs that have settled into your love life. Keep showing your wife how excited she makes you. I know you said that your wife has declined creative input; try this instead. Rather than ask, "What would you like to do?" try, "So would you rather try ____________ or ___________?"

I hope this helps add some va-va-va-voom!

Good luck.

Jen