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He Is Really Large.... Help


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Hi everyone. It has been awhile since I have been on the site. I am now engaged to a wonderful man and I am committed to having a great sex life. That being said, we have experienced some technical difficulties in the bedroom and I was hoping for some suggestions.

By way of background, I had only one other partner besides my fiance-- that was 10 years ago. What can I say, I am picky!!! I think it is safe to say that my vagina has returned to the size it was when I was a virgin (read really small- a speculum for a pap smear hurts). My first lover was small/average? You sexperts tell me-- a little over 6 inches and maybe 2.5 fingers thick during erection. I was surprised that the first time did not hurt a hell of alot more but chalked that up to my being older (age 20) and assumed by hymen had ruptured mostly previous to this. We had sex three times in one night and then I have not done anything since (yes, that includes masturbation-- it never worked for me).

My fiance, on the other hand, is enormous. I am totally serious when I say he is 12 inches and almost 4 fingers thick.

Here is the problem, sometimes we can get things to work almost smoothly (but I am not sure he has ever gotten all the way in) but other times, no matter what we try (positions, props), he can't get or stay in at all. He says it feels like he is hitting my pelvic bone. When this happens, he tries fingering me and sometimes can't even get 2 fingers in (I know, tight-right!). He is amazing with his hands and found my G-spot pretty easily when we started fooling around. He is also afraid of hurting me badly. He was also a virgin up until a few weeks ago. He recognizes that he is quite large.

Does anyone have suggestions for making some hot whoopie?

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I too would like to offer congratulations on your recent engagement. How great for the both of you!! And there's nothing wrong with being picky for sure!! Standards are great!! ;)

Howard made some great suggestions about relaxation, Kegels, and LUBE!! Where he is overly large, and, yes, you're right, he is!! Lubrication is going to be key in some, if not the majority of your love-making. And, make him aware that using lube is not a sign of him not "doing it" for you. Lube can be every couple's friend. Unless you're into pain, who wants sex to hurt? It should be fun, pleasurable, and comfortable.

You will stretch to accomodate him, over time. I mean, women's bodies are designed to push a babies head out, usually. Doing Kegels (I'm doing some right now in fact), can be done almost anywhere. Bored, stuck in traffic? Kegel time! Typing up something at work? Kegel time! You get the idea. The more in shape your vaginal muscles are, the more blood flows thru them, and the more they'll be able to handle. Plus, it will help you be more aware and sensitive down there. How can this be a bad thing!? :P

Depending on the position, your body's shape, and his total length, if he hits something, he may actually be hitting your cervix, which can hurt him and you too, when hit. This has happened to me several times, and it is a definite :blink: I've said it before, and it bears repeating here, when a woman becomes relaxed and aroused, her uterus moves up and tucks in out of the way, elongating the vagina. Just so this won't happen. If you're stressing about possible pain, or other things, this won't happen. He may hit it. And it may hurt. He is long, so he may end up hitting it, or just not being able to fit all the way in.

Again, toys are also a great way to become more relaxed and aroused. Watching adult DVDs, if you're into those, also are wonderful enhancers too. Stock up on lube, or a variety of lubes, to help get a little variety going, and seeing which one works for you. Where he IS so large, maybe try a silicone based lube (while always keeping in mind not to use silicone lubes with silicone toys), since silicone lubes have a tendancy to stay slicker longer. And, if you do use that kind, remember to clean up well afterwards, so you won't get any bacteria build up or anything. It's always good to clean up and pee after sex anyway, just for those reasons. But that is always worth repeating too. :) I know, I sound like your mother! :rolleyes:

Good luck, and congrats again!!

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CONGRATS!!!

I mirror the sentiments of my co-posters, and I just offer the same advice. You WILL get accustomed to his cock size! It WILL happen - trust me.

I was engaged to a man before my hubby (he cheated on me, and we broke up) anyway, he was very, very large. Similiar to your situation, even though I had had sex before him (with a few different men and women) everytime we had sex it seemed so tight, and almost painful! He would complain that he couldn't get it all the way in. I have a tilted vaginal canal and it is shorter (as I am a short gal) and there wasn't much I could do about that. How I did get ready for him was to be really, really aroused! I would have him do oral, or a 69 until I was really ready and horny, and then he would slowly put it in - or I would guide him in from atop. Eventually, I got used to him and we had very satisfying sex.

So, do not be faint of heart - it WILL happen - just follow all the advice here and have a wonderful life!

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CONGRATS!!!

I mirror the sentiments of my co-posters, and I just offer the same advice. You WILL get accustomed to his cock size! It WILL happen - trust me.

I was engaged to a man before my hubby (he cheated on me, and we broke up) anyway, he was very, very large. Similiar to your situation, even though I had had sex before him (with a few different men and women) everytime we had sex it seemed so tight, and almost painful! He would complain that he couldn't get it all the way in. I have a tilted vaginal canal and it is shorter (as I am a short gal) and there wasn't much I could do about that. How I did get ready for him was to be really, really aroused! I would have him do oral, or a 69 until I was really ready and horny, and then he would slowly put it in - or I would guide him in from atop. Eventually, I got used to him and we had very satisfying sex.

So, do not be faint of heart - it WILL happen - just follow all the advice here and have a wonderful life!

Thanks everyone.

We have tried using some lube-- much easier. We also like the Lifestyles condoms best so far. He was a virgin strictly speaking but did a lot other than vaginal intercourse so he is not a complete novice. He has been reading up though.

I can tell definitely when he hits something-- maybe it is my cervix- ouch!! I honestly expect it to hurt a bit until I am all stretched out. Ladies-- any idea how long it is normal to spot with such activity? I can actually spot a little for days afterwards. This is also the first month I am on the pill (YAZ) so I am not sure if it is that or our activity or maybe a combo of both.

Mikayala-- for orgasms, do a lot of women feel like they need to pee? or does that kind of happen when you hit the wall of the bladder depending on how the uterus is situated?

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To answer your orgasm question, if your lover is as large as you say, then I suspect he is rubbing hard on your G-SPot, and that indeed is an orgasm where many, many women feel like they are going to pee.

Read my article on G-Spot orgasms and this will really enlighten you about what is going on in your body - and then enjoy it - it is a rare man indeed who can get that spot easily!!!!

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Congratulations!!!

I do hope I'm reading something wrong - you are older now (20 years old), and had a sex partner 10 years ago???

10 year old little girls shouldn't be having sexual activity - but if that was the case, you may have a bit of vaginismus going on as well. (That is where the vaginal muscles tend to contract tightly, despite you NOT wanting them to. Mind you, this is the 'very condensed version'.) Or, if you were 10, you may have had an injury, and there may be some adhesions that are blocking things as well.

I can also relate to what you are saying. My previous husbands were, I thought, quite large - but when I saw my husband for the first time, I was scared! He's built like a stallion!

So in addition to the information you have already received, may I add - take it slow. Try some of the woman on top positions - that way, you can control the depth of the penetration, as well as the speed of the penetration. And, for your guy, he gets a great view as well. One thing you can do, while in the woman superior position, slip just the head of his penis inside you, and out, then in again, and slip down on him a fraction of an inch, then up and out, and repeat - go very slowly, and as has been mentioned, use the lube! But, each time, try to go down a little farther - you can even 'tease' a little bit - go down, start back up, then go down again.

Also, at your next OB/GYN appointment, ask your MD if there is a possibility of vaginismus being a factor, and if it is - ask what can be done about it. Yes, the majority of women vaginally deliver good sized babies. But, there are also a few, who simply cannot do childbirth vaginally. And, now is as good a time as any to address those questions. (Even if you are planning on post-poning children for a while.)

I took the liberty of editing your original post (below) just to save space.

I hope this helps!

Hi everyone. It has been awhile since I have been on the site. I am now engaged to a wonderful man and I am committed to having a great sex life. That being said, we have experienced some technical difficulties in the bedroom and I was hoping for some suggestions.

By way of background, I had only one other partner besides my fiance-- that was 10 years ago. What can I say, I am picky!!! I was surprised that the first time did not hurt a hell of alot more but chalked that up to my being older (age 20) and assumed by hymen had ruptured mostly previous to this.

My fiance, on the other hand, is enormous. I am totally serious when I say he is 12 inches and almost 4 fingers thick.

Here is the problem, sometimes we can get things to work almost smoothly (but I am not sure he has ever gotten all the way in) but other times, no matter what we try (positions, props), he can't get or stay in at all. He says it feels like he is hitting my pelvic bone. When this happens, he tries fingering me and sometimes can't even get 2 fingers in (I know, tight-right!).

Does anyone have suggestions for making some hot whoopie?

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