Porn and my Husband

[SpiritualGoddess]

I get so hurt or angry or mad sometimes because no matter what I do how often I do it (and I’m fairly active with him at least 4-5 nights a week.. I feel it’s active enough anyway) what I want to do or anything my husband still sneaks away and gets his kicks off on porn too. I have practically begged him into letting me in watch it with me and no he keeps it to himself. Like every free moment he can sneak off he does. I think and I feel he is into a lot more than he leads on. I recently found out he likes to gauge his anus like to unhealthy sizes and we have been together a long time. He lies to me daily on things and I see the evidence of it but it doesn’t matter. If I say anything I’m wrong or I don’t listen or I don’t try. The other day he told me we can have our own stuff and be into diff things sometimes like I should just be ok with him leaving our bed to sit in the bathroom to watch other females do things I physically can’t do. Idk I’m tired of it and deep down I feel like he’s cheating when he does it but idk am I being unreasonable? Or naggy? It hurts when you know your spouse won’t fully open up to you about pleasures and likes and the stuff I seen on his phone is unrealistic for me (I’m a kinky one but I don’t want 5 guys jizzing on my face I’m sorry) plus I feel like no matter what I do he will still run off and keep doing it! Not to mention what it kinda does for my confidence and self esteem :(,Help me get past this or advice from anyone who has gone thru it maybe?? If I could add a pic of me I send him to try and get his focus I would so u could be the judge but I don’t wanna get booted lol. What do you think my next move should be? #sadandsometimesalone