Relationship After Birth

[eclipse213]

as i have said in a previous post my gf has given birth to our now 4 month old daughter. in reading over the site i have noticed that many of you have children. i have also picked up that many of you have said that it cold take at least 9 months if not more for any type of sexual relationship that would resemble what it was like before our daughter. my new question is other than thinking so much about sex and the bedroom is there any ideas you have to make the time we spend together have more of the feelings that we had before the baby.i am fully aware that there are now 2 women in my life but how can i make the time with my gf more about our connection than strictly the baby??

[Mikayla1]

Ok, well let me lend my advice as a woman who has a child (and is pregnant now). Howard is right, you should take time to "date" your gf and get out and away from your daughter at least every once and a while - but that is not all! As many mothers here will attest- it is EXTREMELY difficult to have a moment without thinking about your new baby. While I do think that all new parents should have time away from their babies to reconnect as a couple, not thinking about or talking about your new addition may be hard.

If she is not ready to separate from the new baby - try scheduling an "in home" date. Most of the issue with sex and romance with new parents is that they are just BONE TIRED and that the new Mommy feels overwhelmed with the new life. Finding ways to alleviate some of her stress is a great way to reconnect while helping her. COme home early from work and MAKE DINNER. Tell her to take your little one and relax and make a nice dinner that will be ready when the little girl goes down for the night. She is only 4 months, so she may be sleeping through the night now. Help her to get her to bed, then get the dinner ready. Sit down, relax, talk. If she is not breastfeeding, have a glass of wine. After dinner - leave the dishes - go to the couch and rub her feet, neck or shoulders. Encourage talk about things, or stay silent, either way you are connecting.

If she responds to this by saying, "I am not ready for sex, or I am too tired for sex" assure her that you are just looking for a connection and some time together, not sex (even if that is what you want.) Many women do not know that romance after baby can be SOOOOOO stress relieving and relaxing. FOr me, waiting 9 months was just ludicrous - I wanted sex - and I was tired - but I knew that it was important to me and my hubby and to our relationship, so I carried on and tried to make it better for both of us. I found that sex was a wonderful way to unwind after being with my baby all day - and it still is!

I would take the route of helping her, romancing her, and helping her to unwind. I would also hint that you want to resume your sex life so she knows you still find her sexy and appealing. Many new Mom's feel fat, unsexy and scarred from child bearing. Help her to see that she is still super sexy and disirable.

You may want to check out my article:

Mismatched Sex Drives

For more information.

Good Luck and I am sure things will get better!!!

[Tyger]

I had a semi-difficult after-math from giving birth to our daughter. I had her via c-section, and I was also breastfeeding. I took a loooooong time to heal (I think I pulled at a stitch or something). So sex, for us, was held off for about 4 months!! Then I had another health issue, making sex painful. I am one of those extreme cases! LOL

It was very hard for us to reconnect. What made me feel more open to my hubby was when he took over baby duty for me for even just the shortest time. Allowing me some time to take a shower alone, or better yet, a hot bath with my tub spa thing.....ah.....it was so nice!! Showing your GF that you care about her as a person that may need some time for herself, and trying to make time for you too, is a great way to try and reconnect. Maybe even allowing her to go to the store by herself, and spending some Daddy time with the baby, will probably make her feel a bit warmer to you. I know it does me (still).

Or even a good back/shoulder/foot rub, just to show her that you want her to feel comfortable.

A lot of men have a tendancy to feel almost jealous of their child after (s)he is born. It may sound silly, but the guy does get left behind a bit, since the mother now has to tend to the needs of a little person that can't take care of themselves at all. It's common and perfectly natural to feel that way too.

Date night sounds fun. I'm sure the grandparents would be willing to spend a couple of hours alone with the new grand-baby. Good luck, and I hope that you're able to have some fun together, whether it involves sex or not.