I'm So Shy

[hotbamachic05]

After being married almost 6 years and dating 10 you would think I would be over all of my shyness around my husband...but ummm....thats not the case. I am even more shy now than ever before. I'm not sure why, but I can't bring myself to try new things or even suggest any of those kinky little things I read about and would LOVE to try...even though he has no problem telling me all the things he wants us to do......I'm not sure what my problem is, but if any of you have any suggestions please give them I really want to make him HAPPY. And I also have trouble initiating the lovemaking and I know that is a big problem, because I don't want him to HAVE to do it everytime...I will be grateful for any suggestions.

[thurisas]

I'm pretty shy myself. I know that I have a really hard time putting myself out there. At first the fun idea will run through my head, then I'll even smile at it. All of a sudden the doubts come in..."what if she doesn't want to? What if she doesn't feel the same? Will she say no? Will we stop playing if she says no? I don't want her to say no. Okay, business as usual, then." That is...until recently when I found out my wife's adventurousness was much wilder than my own. The thing I think you fear, though, is the rejection which would cause your 'shyness.'

Professional therapy might be a great idea like Howard said, but you might also try this...start talking during your playtime with your husband. Start asking him if he minds you doing the stuff you KNOW he likes before you do it. You start the process of him saying yes to you right off the bat. As a result you'll feel a little more confident, and he's already getting into the rhythm of the game where his only job is to agree. Eventually you can slip something a little more daring in and see where it goes.

Ultimately, though, it's a matter of communication. Does your husband know you have a hard time opening up during playtime? Does he have any idea what you want? Perhaps a little sit-down time in a non-sexual setting would be good for you too. Lets face it, you've been together for a long time now and you will likely know how he's going to react in that sort of setting.

Thurisas.

[Tyger]

Well, I've never really been shy.....sexually at least.....

But, a few things that have helped me not be shy are:

I have a pretty good sexual self-esteem. I love reading about sex, and trying new things. I love sharing pleasure with my hubby. He's opening up more and more, to help make me feel happier with our sex-life. Even if I may not know exactly how to do something, "winging it" may help. Hey, how does one learn, but by trial and error! I also love to laugh, relax and have fun with it. If we find something that either of us doesn't like, we accept it, and move on to another thing to try.

I hope these help a bit.

[nu_2_toyz]

I am shy too. It took a knock down drag out fight with my dh about a year ago to help get me over it (it is still difficult though). I love porn but my dh always acted like he didn't like it... I took it as being "too good" so I wouldn't watch it with him. Since then we have watched it and have tried alot of different positions, mimicking the porn, some are good and some are not. I think porn opens up a dialog and sometimes I am red faced discussing positions, etc but it still forces you to do it. Watching porn make him realize I wanted to experiment with anal-play. Before porn everytime a toy was mentioned he got all insecure about it replacing him (still does sometimes ). He likes dirty talk alot and I can barely make myself do it, but I'm trying.

I still have a long way to go but atleast it's a start. Good luck to you!!

[hotbamachic05]

I am shy too. It took a knock down drag out fight with my dh about a year ago to help get me over it (it is still difficult though). I love porn but my dh always acted like he didn't like it... I took it as being "too good" so I wouldn't watch it with him. Since then we have watched it and have tried alot of different positions, mimicking the porn, some are good and some are not. I think porn opens up a dialog and sometimes I am red faced discussing positions, etc but it still forces you to do it. Watching porn make him realize I wanted to experiment with anal-play. Before porn everytime a toy was mentioned he got all insecure about it replacing him (still does sometimes ). He likes dirty talk alot and I can barely make myself do it, but I'm trying.

I still have a long way to go but atleast it's a start. Good luck to you!!

Well, I finally just got up the nerve to actually start a night of unbelievable sex with my husband Monday night.....and omgosh it was AMAZING. And since then, even though its only been 2 days we've had sex 5 times, this has totally renewed my interest in the act of making love to my husband. I took him to the bedroom , told him to lay down, tied his hands...and basically did what ever i wanted to to him. WOW....it was great..for both of us...I mean he came twice before I was finished with him that night...well Tuesday morning...but thank all of you for all of your input and suggestions, they've helped throughout the week....and I know its because I don't feel that I am as sexy as I was 6 years ago before I had 2 kids, so my self-esteem is really low...but I said what the heck...i'm gonna do this and I'm not gonna stop until he is satisfied....well he is and he said Thank you to everone that left suggestions....(he really APPRECIATES it...) Once again...thank you so much....