Members krisleightate Posted August 8, 2007 Members Report Posted August 8, 2007 Many ask if slaves truly exist. In the way a dictionary and historydefine slavery, no they do not exist in most modern countries.(Though there is some contention that slavery rings do still existin secret) Most people in civilized countries generally agree thatthe legal ownership of another human being is immoral and thus makeit illegal. However, in the world of BDSM, one will find that someof the people involved call themselves by many different terms; oneof these is the term "slave". Of course, this often raises thequestion of how is a slave different from a submissive. Thisquestion often is met with outright hostility, disbelief in theexistence of slaves and the thought that the words slave andsubmissive (as nouns) are interchangeable terms within the contextof BDSM. Many will not agree with any of those thoughts, and I amone of them. I have spent a great deal of time talking with slavesin the honest attempt to better understand them, their lifestylechoices, and judge for myself whether or not this is a healthyvariation to the BDSM lifestyle.To the question of whether or not slaves exist inside of BDSM I saythat yes they do. They may not be the largest group, but there arequite a few. Do slaves differ from submissives? Again, my answer isyes they do. Slaves tend to differ from submissives by the way theythink, act, submit and their expectations.A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. Theyhave very little room for leeway or shades of gray in theirlifestyle choices. They do not seem to expect much leeway in thereaction of their dominant either. By this I mean, if a slave isfeeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks,they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. Asubmissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominantbecause they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, notin terms of submitting. To them, being in a collared relationshipmeans they are owned, and often this translates into the statementthat they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk outif the relationship goes bad. This does not mean a slave will acceptan abusive relationship, though their tolerance limits for what isabusive and what is not seem to be higher than those of asubmissive. This belief in ownership stems from a strong commitmenton both an emotional and mental level to the dominant. There is alevel of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that can be moreintense and widespread than many submissives would allow. Forexample, a dominant wants to bring in a third to the relationship. Asubmissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow (yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up tome, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept thisnew change. To some this kind of thought process is considered wrongor somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not necessarily true. Aslave thrives on the absolute fact, that they literally have nocontrol over the relationship or what will occur within it, whereasa submissive often retains some level of control in therelationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would makethe master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasingto them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure inaddition to that of their dominant. Slaves work very hard to putthemselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them,this is what comes with being a slave and submitting completely.Slaves put forth a lot of effort in achieving an inner peace withtheir chosen position. With this peace comes acceptance ofthemselves, and a quiet sense of contentment. They view pride,arrogance and other such emotions as negative and unbecoming in aslave.A slave's behavior is different from a submissive as well. If youlisten to slaves talk about their behavior (or watch them), theyoften speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves atall times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be morefocus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with lessleeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use anhonorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling theirmaster/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling,tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part ofa slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment.Slaves put a lot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react totheir dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self-control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor asmuch as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any formof topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating thedominant. They see bratting as topping from the bottom, whining,cajoling or making requests after the initial denial as manipulativebehavior that focuses on the slave's needs/desires instead of thedominant's and thus not proper. They look down on any behavior thatis perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of theslave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slavewill strive for perfection within themselves in completing all thetasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping aneye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, butthink would please their owner if they did them. A slave is requiredto be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lotof responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slaveshould not need to be micro managed by their dominant because thisis not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micromanage. A slave will behave with the utmost of respect in a formalsituation, and with as much respect as any situation warrants. (Forexample, quiet time at home may not require as strict a protocol asa formal party would) None of this emphasis on behavior means that aslave can't or does not crack jokes, goof off, or engage in verbalbanter. Many slaves do indeed do these things. They do so however,with a great attention to the dominant's reaction and are carefulnot to be hurtful or overly sarcastic. Unless of course the dominantdoes not like this kind of behavior, then a slave will do their bestto curtail it. (Which can be quite difficult, and in my opinionunhealthy, for someone who has a very playful sense of humor as aninherent part of their personality) So please do not take thisarticle to say that slaves are not playful, have no sense of humoror anything like that because it just is not true. Slaves have thesame array of personalities that everyone else does, and they enjoythem just like anyone else does. Slaves just tend to be a lot moreaware of the dominant's limits to such activities than somesubmissives are. They also do not use their playful senses of humor(if they have one) to brat a dominant into playing with them, unlessthe dominant likes this kind of role play scene. Basically theytailor their behaviors to what the dominant prefers and is mostcomfortable with.A slave's expectations from the dominant and the relationship areoften very different from those of a submissive. A slave does notexpect to have their desires met beyond their basic life supportingnecessities. When their dominant does do something for them, theysee it as a gift, not a necessity. Slaves tend to view things thatmany submissives expect in a relationship, as a luxury not anecessity. This does not mean that a slave will accept being abusedor treated like they are worthless for extended periods of time, itjust means they do not expect all the trappings that others expectfrom their relationships. (such as cuddling on demand, talkingwhenever the slave wants to talk, sleeping in a bed etc) Slavesexpect their relationship to be difficult at times and theirsubmission to not be easy all the time. They expect to be asked orordered to do things they may not necessarily enjoy because thefocus is not on their enjoyment or pleasure, but on that of theirdominant. They expect to be treated as a slave and not pampered orcajoled to. They expect to be pushed to their current limits andhave those limits pushed to expand. They expect to meet theirdominants needs at all times and to not have their dominant acceptany manipulation or disobedience. They expect to be used to the fullextent of their current abilities and even trained (or taughtthrough schooling etc.) to broaden their abilities to meet theirdominant's needs. They do not expect to be consulted on everydecision, asked their opinion all the time, or similar things. Thisdoes not mean they expect to be ignored or treated as if they do notmatter, they just do not expect this as a normal part of therelationship, though most say their thoughts opinions, feelings andsuch are demanded by their dominant and the dominant will often takethem into consideration while making decisions.A slave submits differently from a submissive as well. Slaves willset no limits on their dominant's activities. A submissive willoften have hard limits that their dominant can not cross at all, andsoft limits that can be pushed with prior negotiation. A slave hasneither. They will not say that the dominant can't do a certain typeof play or use a specific implement. They may tell the dominant thatthey do not like certain activities or implements at the beginningof the relationship (preferably before a collar) but they do not banthe dominant from using/doing those things. They expect to be askedto do things they may not particularly like and they consider it aspart of submission because to them, submission is not about pleasingthe slave, but about pleasing the dominant. Most slaves will saythat because of this it is imperative that the slave chose to submitto a dominant whose likes/dislikes are a close match of their ownand thus they will not be asked or ordered to do something they aretotally opposed to. But even then, the slave will expect that theselimits may change over time and accept it should it occur. A slavedoes not believe they can just leave the relationship. Some believeonce they are collared it is for life and will not request releaseeven if they feel their lives are in danger or they are beingmentally/emotionally harmed. However, many relationships with slaveshave guidelines in place for release of the slave should the slavetruly desire such. Some slaves believe a slave can't possibly beabused since the dominant has no limits on what they can do to them,and if the dominant chooses to act in an abusive manner then that istheir choice. This does not however seem to be the majority belief,but it also does exist.Many of these differences overlap, and are applicable to submissivesas well. However, as a whole they exist for most slaves that I havecome into contact with. A slave is not better than a submissive inmy opinion, merely different. Some of these characteristics canexist in a submissive, or even all of them. The base-separatingfactor between the two seems to be in the area of limits withinsubmission. A slave sets none, a submissive does. Which word oneuses to describe themselves remains a matter of personal choice, andmy intent with this article is not to say otherwise. Instead myintent is to help others understand slaves a bit better and not lookat them as mindless robots or doormats, because those two terms justdo not fit the vast majority of lifestyle slaves. Whether or notbeing a slave is a healthy lifestyle choice is a matter of personalpreference. I believe it can be a very healthy choice, others do notagree. Like any relationship where the balance of power rests withone person over the other, abuse can occur. I do not however see anyreason to say it is more widespread among slaves over submissives,or in bdsm at all.Copyright © Raven Shadowborne Quote
Members Mikayla1 Posted August 8, 2007 Members Report Posted August 8, 2007 This was a very interesting and informative article! It is true, there is a definite difference between a slave and a submissive, just as there are differences between BDSM and S/M and Bondage Play. People "in" the lifestyle know the deliniations, but those outside can be easily confused.Thanks for posting that - it was a good read! Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.