Lacking Imagination

[Haruko]

I wasn't quite sure what forum this would go into, but here goes.

I feel like, throughout my entire sexual life, that I've lacked imagination when it comes to any sexual play. I'd say I'm quite a sexual person but when it comes down to it, I blank and can't think of anything inventive to do rather than the generic stuff! My boyfriend is constantly asking what I want when we're intimate with each other and I don't know - this may be because I think I'm quite submissive and I enjoy it when he does what HE wants, but then again I worry that my lack of input may bother him in the long run. I also think my worrying comes into this - I find my mind racing with the wrong things sometimes, like "What happens if I don't come? He'll be so disappointed and think there's something wrong with him" rather than just getting in the moment and enjoying things. I'm still young, and I feel it's a hump I have to overcome or else the pleasure might slowly begin to get sucked out of sex D:!

... I know that's not exactly a question, but are there any thoughts or suggestions to help me loosen up, or get my imagination flowing, or just give me any sort of clarity about myself? Thank you *blushes*.

[Haruko]

I guess my post wasn't quite clear, and I appreciate your first few paragraphs, but I must say (and I really don't want to offend you, I understand it's a fast assumption to jump to and would probably do it myself) that it's sort of patronizing - I know that 'young' = 'clueless and desperate to get laid no matter what' applies to a lot of cases, but that's not how I see it, and I'm not your typical teenager.

We go through the foreplay, but it ends with one orgasm - I can't seem to bear anymore (and I haven't yet had a G spot orgasm, not that I was expecting one so easily anyway). And it's foreplay where the problem lies, I find myself focusing on negatives and "what if?"s rather than what's happening. The blindfolding idea really interests me, and maybe indeed it might help my lack of openness/embarrassment/irrational paranoia/whatever it is that plagues me. I appreciate the help .

[thurisas]

I'm thinking that it isn't your imagination that is lacking. From what you say you seem to come up with enough what-if's to the negative side to potentially kill your mood. I think you need to try and redirect your what-ifs. Turn "what if I don't orgasm?" into "what if I told him to play a little bit around instead of on my clit?" and then act upon the idea. If that one doesn't work, come up with another what-if and try that. It's all about expirimentation and what works for you. It may benefit you to masturbate more to learn your body as well...this can lead into masturbation nights where all you do is please yourself in front of your SO while he pleases himself. Graduate up and start to masturbate each other and while you do that, direct them to the best spots you've found. This can be erotic all in itself.

Thurisas.

[Haruko]

^ After your initial post, I actually did read those articles (specifically the multiple orgasm one). Your explanation of all the biology behind it helps a lot, and I'll try and 'train' myself to get through to a second one.

Thank you both for your posts, they've helped a lot - hopefully I can put them into practice though.

[pappyld04]

Welcome Haruko! I may be wrong but it seems to me that you may have a fear of telling your partner what you want or like. Do you and your partner have talks at all even when you aren't having sex? The orgasms are one thing that may take you some time to work around but the communication should be as open and honest as you can get it.