To Go With Tyger's Laws!

[pappyld04]

DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers--Rehab is for Quitters--God made pot, man made beer, who do you trust?--I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings!--Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.--Hell yes I'm drunk! what do you think I am, a stunt driver?--I am trying to graduate witha 4.0...blood alcohol level!--A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on--Milk sucks, got beer?--Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.--A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.--Drink 'til he's hot!--Wine me, dine me, 69 me--Beer, the other white meat.--I am too drunk to walk, so I have to drive.--Drink your beer! There are sober kids in India.--Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!--Uh-oh, the doctor found traces of blood in my alcohol stream.--No Mr. Martini, I haven't had any officers today.--No one is ugly at 2 AM.--Beer -- Helping Ugly People Get Laid Since 1837--Beer is proof that God wanted men to be happy. ~Ben Franklin--I swear assifer, there's no blood in my alcohol system--Don't follow me....I've had tee many martoonies!--Do you think I'm hot or have you not had enough to drink yet?--Beer is bad... let's finish it!--My car's not a tree hugger, I'm drunk you idiot!--I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die--Tattooed in places you'd love to lick.--My other wife is beautiful.--YOU all laugh because I'm different, I laugh cause you're all the same.--Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.--The weather is here, wish you were beautiful--I need someone really bad, are you really bad?--Never fight ugly people they have nothing to lose--I used to wonder why God made ugly people, then I realized it was so people like me could get a good laugh.--Pierced in places you'd love to lick.--I'm not an honor student anywhere but I have a nice ass!--Beauty is only a lightswitch away.--I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much did you drink?--I can't be conceited because conceit is an imperfection and I'm PERFECT!--Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am!--He only likes you 'cuz he hasn't met me yet.--God created men first, cuz every masterpiece needs a sloppy-copy!--You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're ugly!--Dress Code: 14 Teeth--Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.--Roses are red, violets are blue, you know that I look better than you!--Does this condom make me look fat?--Fat women are like mopeds - fun to ride until your friends find out--If you like my bumper, you'd LOVE my headlights!--I'm not bald, it's a solar panel for a sex machine!--When blondes have more fun, do they know it?--Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel--BLONDE if you're HONK!!--I might be a dumb blonde but I am good at speling.--Did you hear about the blonde that tripped over her cordless phone?--We got our dumb reputation from the brunettes who dyed their hair.--Blonde jokes are one-liners just so burnettes can understand them--If a Blonde throws a pin at you RUN, shes got a hand grenade in her mouth!--What has two brain cells? a pregnant blonde--Failed sex... tutor needed.---You're not my type - You just make me horny.---I snatch kisses and vice versa---You are a naughty girl. Go to my room!---You are the object of my ERECTION!---Kids in the front seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.---100,000,000 sperm cells... and YOU were the fastest?---Men: No shirt, no service Women: No shirt, no charge---Vagina: The box a penis comes in---Making Love: what my girlfriend does while I have sex with her---Confucious say: it takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.---If you've been bad, go to your room. If you WANT to be bad, go to mine!---If a couple divorce in Kentucky, are they still brother and sister?---If you're nice you can call me sweetie, if you're sweet you can call me honey, if you're hot you can call me tonight.---Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it back in.---I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?---Take a Bite out of Crime.It tastes like Chicken.--Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.--Drugs are for those who can't handle reality. Reality is for those who can't roleplay.--I don't believe in violence, so don't make me kill you--I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.--Only users lose drugs--Don't steal. The government hates competition.--Warning: Trespassers Will Be Shot - Survivors Will Be Prosecuted--Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.--Please don't hit me -- My lawyer's in jail.--Thieves will be beaten, stabbed and stomped. Survivors will be prosecuted.--Police: Helping perps fall down stairs since 1853.--My kid's an honor student...yes your honor...no contest your honor..nice tie your honor.--Drugs support terrorism. Cigarette money supports the government. Cigarettes are drugs. The government supports terrorism?--Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.--D.A.R.E : Drugs Are Really Exciting--Crime Does Pay (seen on a new BMW)--Officer, I swear the body was dead when I found it--Officer, will this bumper sticker saying "Support Law Enforcement" keep you from giving me a ticket?--I'm innocent, I was framed, I didn't really mean to do it.--Vandalism - beautiful as a rock in a cops face--It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put your boogers.--Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok--Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.--Guns don't kill people, radical pro-lifers kill people.--If it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed over night... USMC--Guns are smart enough. We need smarter politicians.--This vehicle protected by a shotgun 23 hours a day. The rest of the time, I'm hiding the bodies."--Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't!--To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.--I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!--If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children--Gun control is being able to hit your target--Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier--USMC Sniper: Don't bother running, you'll only die tired.--Guns don't kill people. Bullets flying realy realy fast kill people.--There is nothing that can't be fixed by the proper application of hi-explosives - U.S. Airforce--Buy a gun, piss off a liberal.--Guns don't kill people; Cops kill people.--Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window.--(Picture of mushroom cloud) Made in America, Tested in Japan--If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.--I don't use 9-1-1, I use .357--The West wasn't won with a legal gun.--Change is inevitable... except for vending machines--A fool and his money are my best friends--I've managed to consolidate all of my bills into one single GARBAGE CAN!--Always remember, plunder first THEN burn!--If 10% is good enough for God, it aught to be good enough for the IRS--Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!--Hit me, I need money--Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!--My son and my money both go to Auburn U.--I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left--Money can't buy love, but you'd be suprised how easy it is to rent it!--Money does Buy Happiness. Give me $20 And I will smile.--Archeologists will date any old thing--I've run out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead.--Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse.--Give Blood Play Hockey--My job is so secret, even I don't know what it is.--Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.--U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!--Support a Lawyer - Become a Doctor--I hate coffee - it keeps me awake at work!--Honk if you've been groped by Clinton--Slave wanted: No experience neccessary. Will train.--Freelance gynecologist--I'm Dr. Ben Dover, local proctologist, now bend over please--I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.--Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.--I can't work - they will take away my welfare check.--Let an electrician undo your shorts--I'm a proctologist. Don't worry, I'm a professional. Now pull down your pants.--Keep on working. Millions of people on welfare depend on you--Why work when I get un-employment every week?--I'm having eye problems. I can't see working--The only difference between prison and work is that in work there's no bars on the cells--Bill & Hillary...At least their FRIENDS have convictions.--Dr Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician--Bid Laden gets Bushwhacked!--Monica's now a Republican. The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.--Diplomacy is that art of saying "Nice Doggie"...till you can find a rock--My freedom is more important than your good idea.--Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.--Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off--A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.--Of course you can trust the government, just ask any Indian--Honk if you've been screwed by a priest--im frum texas. yep, we luv ar bush. hes jest as smart as we ar.--POLICE: People Of Low Intelligence Corrode Existence!--Bin Laden pissed on the wrong Bush.--Nuke Pregnant Gay Whales for Jesus!--Save America from polititions! Elect ex-convicts!--He wasn't elected Sept 11th either--I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway--The Last Time People Listened To A Bush, They Wandered In The Desert For 40 Years.--If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?--Bush + Dick = Screwed--Women are not babes or chicks, they are breasted Americans.--If you can't stand behind our troops....stand IN FRONT of them.--You don't have to love war, but you should love your warrior.--Don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.--Fat people are harder to kidnap.--We're born naked, wet, & hungry. Then things get worse.--Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.--Look out - I collect ass-whippings--My state bird is the finger--I read Playboy for the articles and watch Porn for the music--Strike a blow for justice: punch an attorney--Another Dopeless Hope Fiend--If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.--If you say one more word, I'm going to put my umbrella in your pants and open it.--No machine can do my job until it learns how to eat!--If I gave a shit, you'd be the first one I gave it to.--I'm the president of "S.O.F.A." (Sick Old Fkers of America)--Do NOT start with me - you will not win.--Will Rogers never met a lawyer.--Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.--Behind every dick is an ass hole.--Wink. I'll do the rest.--I wish I was Barbie - That bitch has everything!--They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!--Nonconformists are all alike.--Who the hell would throw shit at a fan?--Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.--Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing, hunt a dinosaur--Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.--According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist--Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have.--We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart.--Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.--Indians discovered Columbus--If honesty is the best policy, I want a refund!--All generalizations are false.--Custer got Siouxed--So few Richards, so many Dicks.--DAM : Mothers Against Dislexia--Dislexics of the world... UNTIE!!--I would rather be spanking my monkey.--Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.--HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!--Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!--The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock--Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.--Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.--I smile because I have no idea what's going on!--I can't even drive straight!(decorated by rainbows)--No one is perfect... No one being me.--Remember to use ALL fingers when waving at a policeman!--If it's called tourist season, why can't we hunt them?--I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!--Why do we kill people who kill people just to show people killing people is wrong?--Do not argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and beat you up with their experience.--If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?--I say no to drugs but they just don't listen.--Can't spell worth a shirt--A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey--Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.--im smater than avrag chicn--Crack kills, take pills--When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.--I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.--My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends.--Not tonight dear - I have a modem.--Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools--If you miss your ex, reload and try again!--Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians!--Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?--Are you happy or are you married?--I'm a mount'n man...I like mount'n women!--There is a special place in hell for deadbeat parents--I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.--Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.--It used to be wine, women and song. Now it's beer, the old lady, and TV.--Restraining orders are just another way to say, "I love you"--Mean People Suck. Nice People Swallow.--Just married -- another tragic story.--Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk by again?--I Think, Therefore I am Single--Tell your girlfriend I said Thanks!--I wish my wife was as dirty as my car--Some call it stalking, I call it love--I'm not a whore, I'm just popular--I got rid of 160 pounds of ugly fat..I got a divorce--Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.--Grow your own dope, plant a man.--Eve was framed.--How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.--All men are animals, some just make better pets!--What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.--Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.--Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds--Leg check 50 feet. Please raise skirt!--What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow--How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know... it has never happened.--Women are like Angels - always up in the air and harping about something!--Few women admit their age, few men act it!--Menopause: When it comes to bitching, there's no better alibi.--I wasn't born a bitch, men like you just made me this way!--I'm the person your mother warned you about!--Women have made men out to be what they still are today - PIGS!--P.M.S. Punish My Spouse--Men aren't pigs... pigs are gentle, cute creatures!--If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons--P.M.S. Punish Men Severely--So you're a feminist, isn't that cute.--You say Bitch as though it was something bad!--I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.--Men are like hardwood floors, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever--Im out of estrogen and I have a gun!--There are easier things in life than finding a good man...nailing jell-o to a tree, for instance.--Chauvinism: A word invented by women who don't know their place in the world--Rodeo cowboys make lousy lovers -- They think 8 seconds is a long ride!--I'm the reason men are scared of women.--Women are only good for two things...and some don't clean house that well .--If a man says something in the woods and no one's there to hear it, is he still wrong?--Friends don't let friends bring ugly women home with them.--I have PMS and a loaded gun. Excuse me, did you have something to say?--Don't compare men to dogs - it isn't fair to the dogs.--Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.--One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.--God made men first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece.--Mental anxiety, mental breakdowns, menstrual cramps, menopause... did you ever notice all womens' problems begin with men?--Men are like roses - watch out for the pricks.--Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one--Guys are like roller coasters: They either make you sick to your stomach, or give you the time of your life!--Guys are like parking spaces: all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicap!--How do you fix the Dishwasher? Slap Her.--Men, save your breath for your inflatable dolls--B.I.T.C.H. Babe in total control of herself--Whats strong enough for a man but meant for a woman? A back hand--Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.--Don't steal. The government hates competition.---Stop animal experimentation - Use lawyers---If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?---Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them---Who lit the fuse on your tampon?---Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control---I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!---My other ride is your Daughter!---Friends are like condoms: they protect you when things get hard!---Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privelege---Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.---FORD backwards: Driver Returns On Foot---If you think this vehicle is dirty you should spend a night with the driver! And this is the short list!!!!!!