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Pink Pocket Rocket With Stimu-sleeve


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"Blargh!" I said, as I removed the pink thing from the packaging, "this vibrator comes with a rubber Dalek."

It was not the most opportune introduction to a vibrator.

After all, most people don't associate sex and Doctor Who, and if they do it's more the Doctor and a Sonic Screwdriver rather than a metal encased alien changing "Exterminate, Exterminate."

And this wasn't just a Dalek. It was a pink, rubber Dalek with little tentacle things that felt so disturbing on my hand that my initial instinct was to fling it across the room. A little piece of me died when I opened that packaging. A little piece of my soul that was pure and innocent and fair.

I knew my duty, however. I had to test the Pink Pocket Rocket with Stimu Sleeve. I had to get past the fact that I would be going to bed with a Dalek instead of the dreamy ridiculous 10th doctor. I had to make the blasted thing vibrate.

First, find a battery. That was easy. One AA battery. Nothing strange… nothing alien. No watch batteries or other strange, illicit power devices. Just a standard AA.

I inserted it into the basic pink device, while leaving the Dalek off to the side. The pocket rocket (even it was of extraterrestrial manufacture!) had a strange odor, like baby powder. Perhaps a sign as to its origins?

No. I couldn't get distracted. I turned it on. Hmm. Interesting. An intense vibration, and those bumps on the clear plastic cover give it a nice tickling sensation against my skin. Hard, strong, like the doctor's blue glowing tool against my…

Oh. There's metal underneath. I'm fascinated by the inner workings of alien technology and so remove the plastic cap to explore. It's a less prickly sensation against my body, and the brass colored tips of the device make me think of cyberpunk pornography and computers jacking into my skin to jack me off. High tech, high style, high arousal.

Finally, it's time. I can avoid the task no more. I mount the Dalek on the rocket and prepare to blast off into space. Dear lord, when set in motion those little tentacles are less like worms crawling along your skin and more like soft hairs or breath. They flutter against you. The nubs along its body are, as its false name suggests, stimulating. The Dalek… oh, the Dalek… the Dalek!!!!

I embrace my extermination.

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